daughters confession

[c1ners]

My daughter informed me a couple days ago that she thinks she has an eating disorder.
This past year she has been through a lot.
I have watched my happy go lucky daughter turn into a quiet, reserved, unhappy little girl.
This past month she has lost a good ten pounds.
She would tell me that she just doesn't feel good and doesn't want to eat. She'll eat a little, but not alot.
The night before her sisters wedding she told me that she doesn't eat anything unless I make her, and than she throws it up.
At the wedding she ate everything off her plate just as fast as she could eat it.
What can I do for her?
People have told me that she is just doing it for the attention, but I don't think so.
Even if she is, it's dangerous.
She is 15.
Can anyone help me to help her?

 

[goldenviolet]

all i can offer is encouragment to get her to a professional. EDs are life threatening and so is stress that would cause poor eating habits. let her know you are proud of her for telling you. most kids can't tell, and or have no one willing to help them/ take it serously. help draw her out more.

 

[c1ners]

Thank you for the advise.
I'm trying so very hard to let her know that I love her,
but I seem to be getting mad at her all the time right now.
She's failing school
She won't help out with any housework
She sleeps all day
And she is so non functional that I just want to scream.
I love her, but I can't take this.
She just called to tell me that she has to stay after school for detention.
What is happening?
Where is my good girl?

Okay, rant over.
I need help because I can't go home in the mood that I'm in. I can't pick her up from school angry.
But yet I can't keep sweeping things under the carpet either.
She won't talk to me anymore.
She won't tell me what it is that is bothering her so much.
She won't even look at me half the time.
She doesn't even want to go to church anymore.

She didn't tell me, I heard her throwing up in the bathroom. I've suspected it for months. She just finally admitted to it.

Am I over reacting? Should I not be upset? Should I be upset and just not show it? I don't know what to do! I don't want my reaction to make things worse. I don't want to over react, but I don't want to under react.
We have no insurance, so I can't get her help.
Her dad tells me that I'm making it worse.
He thinks that she'll get better on her own, and ignoring it is the best thing to do. I don't think so. But than again, I don't know what to think right now.

 

[PureGrace]

Hi

The following is just a compilation of things that I have discovered parents can do when their child has an eating disoder. I have one, and these are a mix of things that I like that my mom has done, and also things that I think she could have done better.

The best thing that you can do is to let her know that no matter what you are there to support her through this. Let her know how much you love her, and that you are willing to do anything to help her get better.

Seek a good counselor that knows what they are talking about when it comes to eating disorders, and get her in to see them. If she doesnt like that particular counselor, keep looking until you can find a good match.

Dont ignore her problem, but dont constantly talk about it. Dont force her to eat huge amounts, dont yell at her that she is hurting herself. Just support her. Encourage her to try and eat a little and not to throw up.

Recovering from an Eating Disorder is not, contrary to common belief, as easy as saying "well, I guess I will just start eating/stop purging" and *poof* its all better. It is a huge mental battle. There is a war waging inside of her head that needs to be calmed before she can peacefully eat and be "normal" again.

Also, my mom got me a pretty box in which she put a few books. The box is for if Im having a really hard time with my eating disorder. One of the books I'd like to suggest is called "God thinks you're wonderful". Its a small very, very easy book (one sentence per page with a picture opposite it) but the truths within it are awesome, and its not difficult at all to go through the book in a matter of 3 to 5 minutes. You might get creative and find some other similar books, or put in note cards with things that would help calm her down (for example some of mine are "play the piano" "go for a swim" "listen to music" etc)

I hope that that gives you a few ideas at least. Please, feel free to PM me if I can be of any service. I would be more than happy to try to talk some things out with you Best of luck...you and your daughter will be in my prayers

Kate

 

[goldenviolet]

her behavior says she needs a physical. i'm a mom of many. i believe kids need to see our emotion if it doesn't cause them distress. helping her understand your feelings is good for both of you. you need a professional to help. this is weighing on you too.
support and someone who understands/trained with knowledge, would be great for both of you. prayers and blessings. love dee

 

[meh]

I'm so sorry for your troubles. Your daughter reminds me of me at that age. She sounds like she could be depressed. I also think physically she's probably tired because bulimia and purging is very hard on the body. I was tired all the time when I was doing that.

I understand not having medical insurance. I didn't for a long time, either. It makes things so difficult. What I did was find a county medical center that accepted people who couldn't pay. Or, in my case, I paid ten dollars a week to see a counselor on their sliding scale.

I don't think ignoring the problem will do any good. She needs helps and she's reaching out. You sound like a good mom. She is lucky to have a mother that cares and loves her so much.

You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[c1ners]

Thank you all so very much for your advise.

I went through an eating disorder myself about eight years ago, so I know how hard it can be for her. The difference is that I was a grown adult, and she is just a child. I had the strength and will power to pull myself out of it, but I'm afraid that she may not.

God is my greatest strength right now. I pray for her everytime I touch her. I let her know that not only do I love her, but God loves her. That she is his child, and he wants for her to be happy and well. I also let her know that by hurting her own self like this it is displeasing to God.

It hurts me to watch her go through this. I wish that I could just take it all away.

 

[madison1101]

I was in outpatient treatment in the winter, and it included teens with both anorexia and bulimia. Some had been inpatient and then were doing outpatient. All of our treatment involved family therapy, in addition to group, individual and nutritional counseling.

Find a treatment center near you and get her into as soon as possible. She needs it. Pray for her and trust the Lord for her care. People with eating disorders usually have comorbid depression along with it. The treatment center psychiatrist will be able to prescribe antidepressants for her in addition to helping her by setting up treatment.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[HeathersMom]

Just ran across this forum and after reading your post, had to sign in. My daughter is currently being treated for anorexia. she was diagnosed back in early November. Just wanted to tell you that things can get better. Heather is in an intensive outpatient program where she has been going 2-3 times per week in addition to an individual session with her counselor/nutritionist. It's a long road, but I do see improvement. She has moved from an anorexic weight to the lowest "normal" weight finally. I was beginning to think this day wouldn't come. I know there will be setbacks, but I trust in the Lord to pull her (and me) through this.

The first thing I did was to take Heather to her pediatrician. I shared my concerns and we looked at the weight loss over several months and at her nutrition. Heather decided about 18 mos ago that she is a vegetarian (which sometimes can be the first sign on an eating disorder). I didn't see it coming, but it hit me right between the eyes full force. Just wanted to share some things I have noticed about this awful disorder:

1) An eating disorder (ED) completely overshadows your daughter. It's like a different person, and in fact, it really is. Be aware that when your daughter yells, is nasty, and yes, even lies, it isn't her, it's her ED. I noticed with Heather that when her nutrition was bad and weight was down, she was very grumpy and tired. She wanted to lay around all the time and even quit talking on the telephone. I saw a marked decrease in her ability to concentrate in school.

2) Usually kids with EDs are achievers and perfectionists. They worry about what people think and they seem to be very aware of other people's feelings toward them. They want to save the world and take on other people's problems, even though they aren't able to handle their own, both physically, mentally and emotionally.

3) The more I ask about food intake, the harder it is to get an answer and she is stubborn. I have resorted to checking the garbage can, etc. for signs of what she has eaten.

4) Hair loss, dry, pale skin, loss of periods are all signs of an ED. Seems like I noticed these things quickly. Protein loss has a great deal to do with some of these things as well.

Hope I haven't overwhelmed you. This is very difficult to overcome, but with love and patience, it can happen - if I didn't believe that, I would probably have lost my mind by now. It is true, if God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

 

[pockleberry]

It will be hard for your daughter to get through it but if she gets the right help then she will be able to get through it. Sometimes churches have counselling services that you can get for free or for cheaper than other services and I have found that christian counsellors can sometimes help in a way that non-christian ones can't.
Like PureGrace said though if she doesn't like the first one keep looking, the relationship that you have with a counsellor can have a big effect on how well you recover.
Try not to push her into talking to you but make sure that she knows you are willing to listen when she does want to talk...I don't know how she is feeling or what she is going through but I know that feeling that people are getting at you or are constantly watching you will just add to the stress. Even though you are just trying to help it could easily seem to her like you are doing the things I just mentioned I know that I often feel like that with my mum

 

[Friendshipcake]

Hi

The following is just a compilation of things that I have discovered parents can do when their child has an eating disoder. I have one, and these are a mix of things that I like that my mom has done, and also things that I think she could have done better.

The best thing that you can do is to let her know that no matter what you are there to support her through this. Let her know how much you love her, and that you are willing to do anything to help her get better.

Seek a good counselor that knows what they are talking about when it comes to eating disorders, and get her in to see them. If she doesnt like that particular counselor, keep looking until you can find a good match.

Dont ignore her problem, but dont constantly talk about it. Dont force her to eat huge amounts, dont yell at her that she is hurting herself. Just support her. Encourage her to try and eat a little and not to throw up.

Recovering from an Eating Disorder is not, contrary to common belief, as easy as saying "well, I guess I will just start eating/stop purging" and *poof* its all better. It is a huge mental battle. There is a war waging inside of her head that needs to be calmed before she can peacefully eat and be "normal" again.

Also, my mom got me a pretty box in which she put a few books. The box is for if Im having a really hard time with my eating disorder. One of the books I'd like to suggest is called "God thinks you're wonderful". Its a small very, very easy book (one sentence per page with a picture opposite it) but the truths within it are awesome, and its not difficult at all to go through the book in a matter of 3 to 5 minutes. You might get creative and find some other similar books, or put in note cards with things that would help calm her down (for example some of mine are "play the piano" "go for a swim" "listen to music" etc)

I hope that that gives you a few ideas at least. Please, feel free to PM me if I can be of any service. I would be more than happy to try to talk some things out with you Best of luck...you and your daughter will be in my prayers

Kate

Excellent response! This condition is hard on BOTH sides...... I wll be praying for you and your daughter.

 

[c1ners]

Just ran across this forum and after reading your post, had to sign in. My daughter is currently being treated for anorexia. she was diagnosed back in early November. Just wanted to tell you that things can get better. Heather is in an intensive outpatient program where she has been going 2-3 times per week in addition to an individual session with her counselor/nutritionist. It's a long road, but I do see improvement. She has moved from an anorexic weight to the lowest "normal" weight finally. I was beginning to think this day wouldn't come. I know there will be setbacks, but I trust in the Lord to pull her (and me) through this.

The first thing I did was to take Heather to her pediatrician. I shared my concerns and we looked at the weight loss over several months and at her nutrition. Heather decided about 18 mos ago that she is a vegetarian (which sometimes can be the first sign on an eating disorder). I didn't see it coming, but it hit me right between the eyes full force. Just wanted to share some things I have noticed about this awful disorder:

1) An eating disorder (ED) completely overshadows your daughter. It's like a different person, and in fact, it really is. Be aware that when your daughter yells, is nasty, and yes, even lies, it isn't her, it's her ED. I noticed with Heather that when her nutrition was bad and weight was down, she was very grumpy and tired. She wanted to lay around all the time and even quit talking on the telephone. I saw a marked decrease in her ability to concentrate in school.

2) Usually kids with EDs are achievers and perfectionists. They worry about what people think and they seem to be very aware of other people's feelings toward them. They want to save the world and take on other people's problems, even though they aren't able to handle their own, both physically, mentally and emotionally.

3) The more I ask about food intake, the harder it is to get an answer and she is stubborn. I have resorted to checking the garbage can, etc. for signs of what she has eaten.

4) Hair loss, dry, pale skin, loss of periods are all signs of an ED. Seems like I noticed these things quickly. Protein loss has a great deal to do with some of these things as well.

Hope I haven't overwhelmed you. This is very difficult to overcome, but with love and patience, it can happen - if I didn't believe that, I would probably have lost my mind by now. It is true, if God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

Thank you so much for this post, and welcome to CF!
My daughter exhibits every single one of the situations you have listed above. I should be back on my feet financially in a couple weeks and I'll be able to get back on health care. The first thing I'm doing is taking her to the doctors!

She has gotten better with her eating habits. Unfortunetly she has taken up something else to replace it. Something just as destructive, if not more so. I sometimes feel like I'm at my wits end, but I know God made me strong, and I'll keep bouncing back.

Thanks for your advice, and I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.