Daughter proposed a solution

[LovebirdsFlying]

Those who know me know that I have occasional communication breakdowns with my husband. Keep in mind that I am disabled, and he's the only one with an income, so any expenditures have to go through him. Often the pattern is this:

1.) I ask for X.
2A.) He misunderstands and thinks I want X-plus. (Something much more complicated and expensive.)
2B.) Alternatively, he'll reason that if X would make me happy, then X-plus would REALLY make me happy. (I recognize that his goal is to make me happy. He's a good man.)
3.) But he can't afford X-plus, so he waits and waits until it's in the budget. It can sometimes take several years, and meanwhile I don't have the X I've been asking for all along.

The latest concerns over-the-toilet storage in the bathrooms, needed to manage clutter. This is the kind of thing I had in mind, and what I asked for at least three or four years ago. It costs less than $50. He's been putting it off and putting it off in favor of other things. Finally yesterday, when our handyman was here to replace the wax seal on our toilet, hubby asked him about putting in the storage. And they start measuring out the space, and stuff like that, and I'm wondering why. Turns out hubby has been under the impression all this time that I wanted full-blown cabinetry installed, like the upper cabinets in a kitchen. Much more expensive to begin with, and a far more complicated process. That's why he had been putting it off. I *finally* made myself clear, and over-toilet racks similar to the pictured one have been ordered.

Daughter (who understood all along what I was asking for, and also wondered why he was delaying it) suggests that the next time I ask for something, I have a picture ready to show him exactly what I want, and how much it would cost.

Good idea.

But how will it stop him from going to the 2B option, thinking that if X would make me happy, then X-plus would make me even happier?

 

[anna ~ grace]

"This is exactly what I want, please buy it for me!"

 

[mama2one]

he's the only one with an income, so any expenditures have to go through him. It costs less than $50. ?

don't understand?
because your husband is the only one bringing in income at present, you're not making any purchases/purchase decisions at all without approval first, even ones under 50?

that has to be so tough

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

It is, kind of. He's paid every two weeks and gives me $30 each time. I have to save it up if I want something that costs more than that. Sometimes it feels like I'm a kid getting an allowance, but I think it's the best he can do.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

By the way, I think the biggest concern is thinking that if X makes me happy, then X-plus would be even better. Our first Christmas together, he knew I wanted a (musical instrument) keyboard. I don't play well. It's only a hobby. For practice purposes, all I wanted was a little portable tabletop model. Kind of like this.

He responded with a professional concert-grade. Like this.

I love him for his generosity. He's got a wonderful heart.

I did try practicing on it, but gradually I drifted away. That thing terrified me. I didn't know where to begin. It's like somebody who barely knows how to do a cartwheel, trying to compete in gymnastics at the Olympics. I'm just not up to that level! And we really don't have room to store such a large keyboard anyway. But it didn't go to waste. It's been donated to our church, and now gets played at every service.

This year when we did our Christmas shopping, we just happened to pass by a portable keyboard like the one in the first link. He saw how I looked at it, like I really wanted it, and he protested that I had one and stopped playing it. I explained why. Again. And he bought me the smaller one. (Hug, kiss.) Since I was there when he bought it, he didn't bother saving it for Christmas. I've been playing it for a couple of weeks now. Boy, do I need practice.

Point being, he likes to do things for me in a big way. But sometimes it's just bigger than I can handle, and it's hard for me to explain that to him.

 

[SkyWriting]

Those who know me know that I have occasional communication breakdowns with my husband. Keep in mind that I am disabled, and he's the only one with an income, so any expenditures have to go through him. Often the pattern is this:

1.) I ask for X.
2A.) He misunderstands and thinks I want X-plus. (Something much more complicated and expensive.)
2B.) Alternatively, he'll reason that if X would make me happy, then X-plus would REALLY make me happy. (I recognize that his goal is to make me happy. He's a good man.)
3.) But he can't afford X-plus, so he waits and waits until it's in the budget. It can sometimes take several years, and meanwhile I don't have the X I've been asking for all along.

The latest concerns over-the-toilet storage in the bathrooms, needed to manage clutter. This is the kind of thing I had in mind, and what I asked for at least three or four years ago. It costs less than $50. He's been putting it off and putting it off in favor of other things. Finally yesterday, when our handyman was here to replace the wax seal on our toilet, hubby asked him about putting in the storage. And they start measuring out the space, and stuff like that, and I'm wondering why. Turns out hubby has been under the impression all this time that I wanted full-blown cabinetry installed, like the upper cabinets in a kitchen. Much more expensive to begin with, and a far more complicated process. That's why he had been putting it off. I *finally* made myself clear, and over-toilet racks similar to the pictured one have been ordered.

Daughter (who understood all along what I was asking for, and also wondered why he was delaying it) suggests that the next time I ask for something, I have a picture ready to show him exactly what I want, and how much it would cost.

Good idea.

But how will it stop him from going to the 2B option, thinking that if X would make me happy, then X-plus would make me even happier?

Showing him exactly what you want is the best solution. In the meantime, people with excellent english skills are in very short supply and have their pick of writing, editing, and other remote jobs.

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[LovebirdsFlying]

Thank you for those links. It will be investigated.

 

[mama2one]

may you receive for Christnas what you wish from husband
although, sounds like you already did with keyboard

 

[mina]

Yes, show him a picture of exactly what you want and tell him that is exactly what you want and that you want to sit down and order it or go to the store and get it right then.

 

[tampasteve]

Pictures are a great idea, my wife will email me links to similar items on Amazon, Walmart, etc. for something she is interested in. That makes it easy because I can also purchase the item from those links.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Another hiccup in our communication process is that hubby seems incapable of thinking in terms of temporary solutions. It's either the permanent long-term solution, or nothing.

I'll give an example. Our front porch and step wasn't much wider than the door itself, and not very deep either. No handrail. Especially after we had a screen door installed (one that opened outward), there wasn't room to step clear of it without teetering on the edge and risking falling off the porch. I have balance problems. I'm not too good on stairs to begin with. I was in danger of hurting myself every time I went in or out the front door. Even for somebody without a mobility problem, it was none too safe.

Hubby wanted to widen the front porch by about 18 inches to make room to step to the side while the screen door opens. Yes, that is the thing to do. But he had to save up the money to have it done. Meanwhile, I suggested putting a few concrete blocks there as something to step out onto. He didn't seem to understand that I meant it to be temporary, and not the permanent solution. No dice. Nothing "redneck," mickey-mouse, or jerry-rigged at our house. He wanted it done RIGHT. So, during the two or three years it took to save the money to have it done RIGHT, there was nothing done at all.

He's in his mid-50's and we've been married ten years. I highly doubt there is a solution.

 

[Avniel]

What a blessing that your husband still has that young love towards you. Not to many women can say their husband still tries to impress them. You have his nose wide open, we can do some block head things in that state.

The pictures might work, but the way you described it, seems like his reward comes from your excitement.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Update:

I've been down with a bug for the past week. I get ill quite often, unfortunately. Mostly a heavily stuffy nose, plus some coughing, with an on-again, off-again fever. I requested a neti-pot from the local drug store to help me breathe. Daughter was going to get it for me, but then something came up, so she went to the drug store's web site and showed hubby exactly what the package looked like. He went and got it, and casually remarked that the picture helped. Otherwise he wouldn't have known what to get. Then he read the instructions and saw that it requires distilled water. He uses that for his c-pap machine, so he had some on hand and told me I'm welcome to it.

So the pictures idea seems to be working.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

It's a good question, but also a great solution. I'd say give it a try and see what happens.