Daughter looks like Daddy. Problem??

[Redguard]

Whenever people meet my daughter, their first response is to tell my wife and I how much she looks like ME.

For some reason, my wife hates this. I was wondering if any of you ladies can relate? I've heard other mothers complain about the same thing... but it's to an extent where it almost seems as though they're upset at their husbands for it. Yeah.. as if it's HIS fault, lol.

I've gathered that her issue is that SHE was the one who carried our daughter for 9 months, and so it peeves her that people will look at our daughter and only identify a resemblance to ME.

And I can hear how defensive and insulted she gets whenever people say those things, so I've 'learned' how to interrupt these people and chime in by saying, "While she does look like me, you can notice that she has my wife's finger length or hair texture", or whatever other detail I can manage to dig up.

I know how sensitive women's emotions can be, so I try to be as open and understanding to her complaints as possible. However, I eventually start to get frustrated because it begins to sound as if she doesn't want there to be any resemblance to me at all.

 

[lucypevensie]

I can't really identify with that frustration. It does sound kind of silly. I mean, at least he looks like somebody everyone knows - could be worse Does she realize her comments and attitude are hurtful? Maybe her intention is to just have a silly joking attitude, and doesn't realize the joke is getting old? Whatever the case, it's OK to tell her what you're feeling. Just because women get hormonal and emotional does not give us the excuse to be unkind. I know my husband doesn't hesitate to let me know when I've gone overboard with the sensitivity.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I prayed several things almost daily while pregnant with my son. I prayed that he would have kindness and empathy. I prayed that he would have a good sense of humor. I prayed that he would serve the Lord and, lastly, I prayed that he would look like his daddy.

Let me say, God answers prayers. He is only seven and very compassionate and worries about hurting people. He really has such a silly sense of humor that I enjoy. He loves the Lord and has asked to work with orphan children when he is older. And, lastly, he is a clone of daddy. Their pictures of them at the same ages are almost identical. It cracks me up to see them working or playing side by side because he really is my hubby's 'mini-me'. I joke about having a 'maternity' test done to prove I'm really his mother.

I don't mind a bit. I knew having a son who looked like my hubby would be a gift and I am grateful and thankful.

However, our second child looks amazingly like me and I admit, I enjoy that as well. It is nice being told that one of your children looks so much like you. If you two have more children, I'm sure you'll have a child that looks more like your wife.

I think I would just brush this off and not cause any waves. You could always get started on another baby and the added bonus might be that the baby looks like your wife

 

[Redguard]

I joke about having a 'maternity' test done to prove I'm really his mother.

I've made this same joke.

I don't think she was impressed at my attempt at humour.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I've made this same joke.

I don't think she was impressed at my attempt at humour.

That's funny.

I'm telling you, another baby and just really pray that she (or he) looks like your wife.

 

[Redguard]

Maybe when we're making the next baby, I won't over-exert myself so much. That might've been the thing last time... I clocked in some over and ended up with a female clone of myself.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

LOL, well, for your daughter's sake, I hope you have some pretty features

 

[Redguard]

She's a very pretty girl.

 

[Linnis]

People used to say that about me, because I am tall and thin like my dad. Then when I started getting older 11 or 12, they started with the "oh a pretty lady like your mum" so yeah.

The kid has half your DNA it's not her fault she looks like you.

 

[Redguard]

I look exactly like my dad, I don't see the problem, so I don't really have any advice My baby also looks like her daddy

~ ~

That's okay. I wasn't looking for advice, just conversation.

I was wondering if any moms here ever experienced that same feeling that I was bringing up.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

I kinda understand where your wife is coming from. My daughter is 3.5 and is the spitting image of her daddy in both looks AND personality. I think the fact that she is a girl and not a boy makes a bit of a difference. I would love a little boy that was a carbon copy of his daddy. I think I just wish there was a little bit more of me in our daughter. Of course I love both my husband and daughter just the way they are though

 

[Leanna]

I can't decide who my son looks like since both his bio mother and father are white and have brown hair, brown eyes and are skinny. However, he does have my eyes and my skin tone and everyone says it. Lucky man to look at least a little like his mother.... lol Yeah it doesn't bother me that he might look like his father, I even find it interesting how genes determine this, even though I don't like his father. So I definitely can't relate..... besides I don't think people know what they are talking about since 90% of people say David looks like my husband (not his father)....

 

[snarfywarning]

tee hee. I am a spitting image of my dad. I can only hope that my child looks like my husband, who doesnt look like either of his parents. Another kid that looks just like me and my dad might be just a little bit to much.

But anyways, I have never heard of a mom getting upset because a child looks like the spouse. I should ask my mom if it botheredher.

 

[snarfywarning]

.... besides I don't think people know what they are talking about since 90% of people say David looks like my husband (not his father)....

Maybe it is one of those things, like..the more time you spend together, the more you start to look alike.

 

[Neenie1]

It doesn't bother me too much when people say my son looks like his dad. What does bother me is the odd ocasion when people have said he looks like my BIL (that has happened once or twice because my son has sandy coloured hair, and dh and I are both dark haired, but dh had sandy hair at the same age my son is now, whereas BIL is still sandy, if you see what I mean) My son is also very much like his dad in personality and the kinds of things he likes to do.

Now I don't think it bothers me too much because he is a boy, and well.... eventually will be a man. So it doesn't matter that he is like his dad. (my son has some bits that look like me, the shape of his eyes is the same and sometimes he has a few expressions and gestures that are the same as mine)

However, now that I have a daughter, I desperately want her to look like me. It is probably too early to tell, but by the looks of it, she has got my colouring, (dark hair, eyes and darker skin than my son has) Time will tell I suppose.

 

[Leanna]

Maybe it is one of those things, like..the more time you spend together, the more you start to look alike.

I actually think people just like to say it, "oh he looks like his mother/father" or "he looks like both of you combined" etc. You'll see what I mean..... Its like people don't know what else to say. SOMETIMES new babies do look like a particular parent but in general everyone says a newborn looks like somebody when really they look like a squished person and no one in particular.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I have had the same thing happen to me when people say that my daughter looks like my dear sweet hubby. Though I am getting much better at it. Now I simply reply, "No, she looks like Christian." And I leave it at that, I learned the statement from my hubby when he noticed that I had been a bit heart broken when people said she looked like him. BTW my daughter's name is Christian.

 

[Katydid]

You know, we are pregnant with number 3. Numbers 1 and 2 were both spitting images of their daddy, and everyone said so. There isn't much we can do about that though, so we kinda just accept that he has some really dominant genes. I don't see the point in being upset. I mean, I didn't mind as much when it was my son. When my daughter was born it bugged me a teeny bit, but what was I to do, genes determined that, not anything else. So, there was no reason to get offended or be upset. People are going to say what they are going to say, why get so upset over it? Why let it bug you?

 

[karla]

I can't relate too much to how your wife is feeling. Our daughter looks a lot like my husband and not so much like me, although she totally has my personality. Our son on the other hand looks nothing like my husband and looks a ton like me and has his own personality. I am anxious to see what #3 is going to look like.

 

[Princessperky]

I have no idea why that would bother someone! not like you or anyone had a choice in the matter.

Does this have more to do with the fact that you tend to do more of the parenting? I remember (I think) reading you say that in another post. If I am remembering wrong please forgive me (pregnant brain I am lucky I remember my own name somedays!) But it might be a sortof transfered anger on her part, weather from feeling guilty that she isn't doing much parenting or anger that people notice, or somthing like that.

BTW just to chime in on how cute my kids are . DS and DD look like Daddy mostly, I have red straight hair, they have CURLY (and I mean CURLY) hair just like Daddy . Though one's hair is brown and one is blond and Daddys is black. Truthfully DS looks like his cousin or uncle a lot more than me!.