Daughter is experimenting with cutting

[njsisterinChrist]

The principle from my 14 year old daughter called this afternoon to tell me that he received a letter from some concerned about her. The letter said that she had started cutting herself because of boyfriend problems.
He called my daughter into the office and asked to see her arms. First she tried to say that they were scratches from her sister, but he asked again what she used and she admitted that she used a pin, but that it wasn't hard enough to draw blood.
He believes that this is a sign that she will soon move onto using other things.
First I am asking for prayer for her.

Could this be the start of a major problem or might it be just a call for help? I have watched tv shows on this subject and thanked God that none of our 4 daughter have done this. Now here I am and I don't remember the things that I heard.
I'm sorry for rambling. I am worried and I love my daughter with all my heart. She is sweet and loves the Lord and wants to be baptized soon.
Thank you for all your help.

 

[texannurse]

Hi! I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I've been cutting off and on for years and the only thing I can say is - talk to her!! Get help for her, if she'll agree to go. Just be there for her, even though you don't understand. SHe has a problem, but she is still the same daughter you had before the call.
It is wonderful that you want to know how to help her. Hopefully she and you can learn why she cuts and what she can do to help herself learn the coping skills she will need to allow her to stop.
You and she will be in my prayers in a special way.

In Him,
Texannurse

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Stress to her that her body is a Temple. Its the Lords and that it should be kept preserved.

One thing I wish my parents wouldn't have done was get mad at me. Don't get angry with her. Talk to her about everything that's bothering her for her to do this.

I think that maybe she needs to kinda understand that yes, a boyfriend is important, but that she needs to remember that he is only her boyfriend. As much as he may be important to her, shes only 14 and has so much to look forward to.

 

[njsisterinChrist]

Thank you both for your suggestions.

I'm really not mad at her. I am mad at myself for not seeing the signs that she was feeling low about herself.

Her father spoke with her when she got home from school today and told her that we wanted to talk with her. She understood. We need to wait till we can have a chance to speak with her when the other kids are out. She doesn't need her brother and sister listening in.

Being 14 is not easy as it is and then to start have low self esteem just compounds the feelings.

I just want her to know that I am willing to listen without judging and if I feel that I can't help her that she might need to speak to someone who is a pro at this type of thing.

Thanks again for your prayers and advice.
Take care and God Bless

 

[meh]

I'm really not mad at her. I am mad at myself for not seeing the signs that she was feeling low about herself.

My parents were the best in the world, but I was still very, very good at hiding my feelings and my low self-esteem and depression. Please don't be mad at yourself.

I just want her to know that I am willing to listen without judging and if I feel that I can't help her that she might need to speak to someone who is a pro at this type of thing.

Your daughter is very, very blessed to have such wonderful and understanding parents.

Back when I was a teenager, self-injury was really not talked about. I never knew anyone else even did it until I was in my 20's and got counseling. I think nowdays it's becoming more talked about, and I wonder if sometimes kids hear about it and think trying it might solve their problems. I wish they wouldn't, as we know it doesn't.

But it can be overcome, and talking to you or a therapist or whomever you choose can be such a good thing for her. I pray for her, and you. I know this can change for her and she will do well. God bless you all.

 

[berry2000]

The principle from my 14 year old daughter called this afternoon to tell me that he received a letter from some concerned about her. The letter said that she had started cutting herself because of boyfriend problems.
He called my daughter into the office and asked to see her arms. First she tried to say that they were scratches from her sister, but he asked again what she used and she admitted that she used a pin, but that it wasn't hard enough to draw blood.
He believes that this is a sign that she will soon move onto using other things.
First I am asking for prayer for her.

Could this be the start of a major problem or might it be just a call for help? I have watched tv shows on this subject and thanked God that none of our 4 daughter have done this. Now here I am and I don't remember the things that I heard.
I'm sorry for rambling. I am worried and I love my daughter with all my heart. She is sweet and loves the Lord and wants to be baptized soon.
Thank you for all your help.

I would take this very seriously but at the same time not overreact or panic. I say take it seriously for a couple of reasons. It can get very out of control and and can easily turn into a secret way of coping with any kind of strong emotion. It can be very addictive and very effective as a coping mechanism. Also worrying is that it is a reaction to interactions w/ boyfriend. This is how I started out and it was all because of attachment issues. I would consider therapy to help your daughter have a place to talk about her emotions...there are often underlying issues that if dealt with early can help avoid an addiction. In some ways, although it probably doesn't feel like it now, it is a blessing the principle called to let you know. My parent's still don't know I'm a cutter and i've been cutting for 8 years. Now you can help her because you know.

I'll be praying for you and her.

 

[NinadeDios777]

one thing you should avoid though is trying to get rid of just the cutting. if you just try to get rid of the coping method, then she's going to go do something else that might be worse. her struggles may not seem very big to you, but they obviously are to her.

also be willing to deal lwith the problem. don't just shove it off to a therapist and expect them to deal with it. your her parent, you should be involved in the healing process. she may need a therapist, she may not, i woudln't know, but either way, whatever it is she needs, be willing to work through it WITH her.

 

[teffie]

Hey, my names steph and im 14 too, and i know that last year in yr 8 me and my whole group went through a really difficult time with cutting, smoking....lets not go on. Just all of that stuff. And i know that personally the only reason i ever thought about cutting when i was down was because it was an availible option. And ive been fighting it for the past year and a half now.

Its a really person thing and your daughter, depending on how close you too are, may not want to talk about it. You and her seem very close, and thats definately a good thing. Personally, me and mum would just scream and fight about it, which just cause me to cut more.

Firstly...i think that if your daughter doesnt know that the principle called and told you, it would be best not to say he called you saying she was cutting. That will just make it worse, cause she will feel like she cant trust anyone and withdraw. Talk to her gently about it, let her know how much you love her, but really suss her out on this. Safety pins can draw blood. So the fact that she didnt means she wasnt serious enough about it. But that doesnt mean much, i know alot of my friends cut more and more seriously as we went along. Suss out her feelings, talk to her about them, and if it seems needed, suggest maybe going and seeing a councilor or something like that. She may indeed, like you thought, may just be crying out for help. But that ignored, she will likely move on to more serious harm.

You sound like a wonderful mother, bless you for reaching out like this when you found out. Its wonderful to hear your not angry at her, but dont think its your fault. In some situations with family issues, it may have been brought on by family issues, but it doesnt seem like that in this case. Just let her know she can always, always talk to you about anything, anytime. Stress it, but also let her know that if she feels uncomfortable talking to someone so close to her, she can go to a councilor or someone else. I hope this makes sense, its such a difficult thing to talk to someone about, honesty is just the best and easiest approach. Dont lie to her, just let her know how you feel about it, seeing as shes a christian and wanting to get baptised, etc then maybe encourage her to pray about it and talk about it with god, or even someone close from church or youth (if she goes) I used to have a mentor from my youth group, and thats definately something good....

anyway, i wish you peace of mind, strength and communication with your daughter. Dont hesitate to pray for strength, or guidance fromthe lord. Be strong.

teffie

 

[berry2000]

Yeah what teffie said

 

[NinadeDios777]

teffi hun, i have a question; what does suss mean?

 

[teffie]

lol hehehe sorry

sus-suspicious
suss-get her stand on it
to suss her out basically means, just see where she stands with it, what she feels, thinks, etc but like...quietly. Not obviously. See by her answers and actions, movements, etc howshe really feels. not obviously though. lol

 

[HOLYROLLER71]

Your daughter is blessed to have a mother like you,talk to her and see if she will open up to you,I was a cutter for 21 years off and on.It sounds like your daughter is crying out for help,I hope that she doesn't feel the need to continue with any SI.I will pray for her,keep her lifted in prayer and ask the Lord to send her peace,heal her broken heart,and for her to try and talk before trying anything.If she isn't comfortable talking to you see if there is another adult that she would feel comfortable with,maby someone special in the church whom she's close to.Lord I lift up this sisters daughter,I ask that you give her peace,let her feel loved,and keep her safe.Surround her and her mother with guardian angels and ministering angels.Have your hand on the daughter let her know your there,I ask that you fill her with the holly ghost,Touch them both,give them peace.I ask this in the name of Jesus,amen.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Keep on loving her.

I good, solid place to start is www.selfinjury.com

It's the site of the SAFE program and the women who started it. Good resources.

 

[eastside9008]

while i was cutting, my biggest problem was that my parents didn't get me help. they wouldn't admit and they still wont admit that i have a problem. all i wish is that my parents would have helped me get through my addiction with cutting. my advice to you is to be there for her. be a shoulder for her to cry on. make sure she knows that you're always there for her no matter what. most importantly, pray about it with her.

~Alex

 

[purples]

Don't assume anything, ask questions and be open to whatever her answers might be.

Some people "experiment" and find out that self-injury isn't the coping skill for them. Self-injury isn't exactly a nice or comfortable thing either, so hopefully your daughter's mind and body will encourage her to stop before she takes it too far.

It could just be her reaching out for help or her trying to figure out how to deal with things on her own. Ask her if she wants to talk about what is bothering her and maybe you could suggest she see a counselor if she doesn't want to talk with you or her dad about it. Give her options of who she can talk to - let her know she can talk to someone - but don't push her into doing something she isn't ready to do.

Don't deny the self-injury, but don't focus on it. Encourage her to express herself more and try listening too.

The best thing to do is try and talk with your daugher about it and give her options, don't force anything at this stage - you don't need her silencing herself even more or cutting where you can't see it (meaning, don't do "body checks" because those are simply degrading and a violation of privacy/ boundaries). Keep an eye out.

Maybe you could try family counseling to help with communication or something too. Obviously she is feeling the need to cope by doing something physical or she is trying to commuicate.

Keep on loving her...

 

[MsSpongebob]

I have been cutting since I was your daughter's age. I am now 21

My parents never saw it. Typical for my dad but I really am surprised my mom didn't know until she was told.

I have been in therapy for 3 years, on anti-depressants for 2 years and it is a battle. For me its like an addiction. Its taken a lot of hard work to get where I am and I still have a lot of work to do. I had many, many issues.

I can't help but think that if I had started therapy at your daughter's age, right after I started cutting, that things would have been a whole lot easier and the cutting would be a lot easier to stop.

I highly reccomend seeing about taking her to a therapist. I have a great Christian therapist who has helped me a ton, I've been seeing him 3 years. Make sure though if you do decide to do the therapy route that you find a therapist experienced in dealing with cutters. A lot aren't and some will even refuse to treat self injurers.

 

[Gwen'sMom]

I started cutting when I was around 16 and it was mainly because of boyfriend problems. I didn't get any help and now I cut when I have husband problems. I am only now trying to get help. What a great Mom you are by wanting to help and understand the problem and not sweep it under the carpet and hope for the best. It must be scary as a parent to learn that your child is hurting themself after you have spent their entire life protecting them from every little scratch and bruise. I am no expert on the soloution to this as I haven't figured it out for myself yet. Just be there for her and assure her that God loves her and wants her to get well.

 

[xXbrokenXx]

The principle from my 14 year old daughter called this afternoon to tell me that he received a letter from some concerned about her. The letter said that she had started cutting herself because of boyfriend problems.
He called my daughter into the office and asked to see her arms. First she tried to say that they were scratches from her sister, but he asked again what she used and she admitted that she used a pin, but that it wasn't hard enough to draw blood.
He believes that this is a sign that she will soon move onto using other things.
First I am asking for prayer for her.

Could this be the start of a major problem or might it be just a call for help? I have watched tv shows on this subject and thanked God that none of our 4 daughter have done this. Now here I am and I don't remember the things that I heard.
I'm sorry for rambling. I am worried and I love my daughter with all my heart. She is sweet and loves the Lord and wants to be baptized soon.
Thank you for all your help.

Hi. i'm 14 too. and i also cutt. and at school someone turned me in and the conselor called my parents. Alls i can say is......make it stop before it starts coz it can get bad. Shes fortunate enough that you caught it before it led to other things. Parents sometimes dont understand what their teens can go through. So....yea....i wish you all luck.

 

[the_box_of_giggles]

tell her taht you love her regardless....I don't know but i duopt its only her boyfriend thats causing her to cut. wwhats her family life like?

 

[bassdrum1]

it could be but at the same time she might just want help but doesn't know how to ask. that's how it was for me. talk to her. it could help.