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Godspurpose07

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God Bless!!
I am new here and I was hoping to get some advice. A guy started coming to my church and a couple months ago we started taking. I am 30 and he is 32 but he has 2 daughters from a previous relationship. I have grown to really care about him but I am afraid that people won’t accept our relationship because he has kids. How do I know if this is a relationship approved by God? Can I ask God for a sign or how do I pray on this? I don’t want to invest time in liking him more if we are not meant to be. Thank
 

Paulie079

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I guess my question to you would be, why do you think that it wouldn't be approved by God? If he is divorced and that divorce wasn't on biblical grounds, I know that some don't believe he would be right to get remarried (not sure where I personally stand on this). But otherwise there is nothing from what you said that would make this relationship wrong to enter into. At this point it would just be a matter of seeking God regarding what He would have you do. Sometimes we get put in circumstances where it wouldn't be wrong to date someone but God tells us not to. I think this is largely up to your discernment, but I would also encourage you to seek wisdom from people in your life as well.
 
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com7fy8

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Do you have people in your church who are mature examples for you, and you trust these people? These, I would think, are ones much more old than you, and they have helped you, already, to get more real with God and learn how to relate in a close relationship. You can share with these people about your situation, while praying for how God has you understand and how He has you growing in submitting to Him all the time.

Learn to do everything with God; then, when you come to something which is an issue, already you have experience in simply doing what God has you do, and so . . . you just do what He has you doing with Him in His peace > Colossians 3:15 :)

If you don't even know and trust people, I would not worry about what they think. But share with ones you know are for real and mature, and be prayerfully ready to evaluate what they say. And take your time :) Your mature Jesus people can be much better for you, than someone who is your speed with your interests :)

About this guy . . . I consider it can be good to share with various Christians who are good for you. And do not only try to get affectionate, if he is not really helping you to grow in Jesus, know God's word better, and get more into loving any and all people. If your feelings are more isolating you with him, this can be an ego thing and self-seeking > and Jesus says >

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

If, then, I have someone whom I deeply appreciate and the person is so good for me, I need to love others as myself, by welcoming and encouraging the person to share with others so they also can benefit from the ones who are so special to me.

And even if you do not get much more personal and close with each other . . . his children need various mature Christians to share with them so these children can grow to know how a Jesus person is and how we relate in love. And ones can share with him about how to bring up his children. And you can feed on their example of how they relate with him.

I am afraid that people won’t accept our relationship because he has kids.
First, do you have people in your church who you know are really Christian people and they have helped you with their example? In case you are afraid that really Christian people will have a problem with you, then why do you not trust ones who are God's examples and whom God trusts > Hebrews 13:17 < to take care of His children?

Even so, I don't think the genuinely caring Christians would have a problem with it; but there can be people in a church who do not know how to love, and it is wise not to let yourself be steered and bullied by people who do not know how to love > if ones do not know how to love, their problem is not you, in any case! :)

But you do need to evaluate how you really are, as a person. It is possible to trick yourself into worrying about him having children, when the real issues are elsewhere . . . including if and how you are growing in Jesus, and if he is; or are you two just looking for some feelings and pleasures?

Boredom and loneliness can get us into some very harmful things. We need to be able to be quiet with God in His love, and submit to Him; and do not give in to dominating and tormenting emotional things and dictatorial drives which will attack and abuse us, in order to keep us from becoming sensitive and quiet and submissive with God >

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 peter 3:4)

If he has children but not their mother . . . why? In case he got into a relationship which could not work because of how he and she were, then it is still possible that he might use similar ways to get into something like that, with you. And what sorts of relationships have your ways been getting you into? Get wise to any ways which have helped you go the wrong way, and make sure you are not just getting into yet one more item . . . in case this applies to you. I would be more concerned about this, than about what people who do not even really know you think.

Are you being charmed, or are you deeply helping one another get more real in Jesus love? And are you sharing with each other the Jesus people who have been helping you so much? Has he introduced to you the people who have been helping him grow in Christ and learn how to relate and bring up his children? And have you been sharing your role models with him, so he can benefit from them, too?

:) Please correct me about any way I have not understood you right. I don't know you enough to know what's really happening with you; so I have offered these things, for however much they might apply :)
 
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Godspurpose07

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I guess my question to you would be, why do you think that it wouldn't be approved by God? If he is divorced and that divorce wasn't on biblical grounds, I know that some don't believe he would be right to get remarried (not sure where I personally stand on this). But otherwise there is nothing from what you said that would make this relationship wrong to enter into. At this point it would just be a matter of seeking God regarding what He would have you do. Sometimes we get put in circumstances where it wouldn't be wrong to date someone but God tells us not to. I think this is largely up to your discernment, but I would also encourage you to seek wisdom from people in your life as well.
I guess I was a little confused because people I had been taking to told me that God would not give me someone with kids since I didn’t have any. I guess I didn’t know if I could pray for God to approve a certain person or he just has someone for everyone and it doesn’t matter if we pray for that person if it’s not Gods will then he won’t answer the Prayer. I’m getting a lot of mixed messages and I was a little confused
 
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Proverbs 19:21 - "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."
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I don't know the church atmosphere you're in right now, but sure, getting wise counsel from others is helpful and biblical, but when it comes down to it what matters most is what goes on between you and God in your own personal relationship. Do you feel a gnaw when other people speak against you marrying someone with children already? I felt the same way when folks would talk critically on things at my first church that I went to. I believe the key is for a person to take their time bringing the issues before the Lord and weighing what is and is not a dealbreaker for us personally. I don't see anything wrong with casting a fleece before God either. The saints of old did it and so do believers today. What's important is that people want God's heart on a matter and asking Him for a sign on something before moving forward is acceptable to Him. That's what I believe anyway. Be blessed!
 
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Applekrate

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Welcome BTY. So he has kids? That is kinda unusual as the woman normally keeps them. Is he a widower? You did not say much. Is he divorced? if so, I would be wanting to know much more about the circumstances before i got more interested. Or, was he not married and had the kids?
Lots of variables. Also, do you prefer to have your own? I guess it is not a deal breaker that he has kids you you would not be asking. Wishing you well.
 
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Godspurpose07

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He was married and they divorced because she cheated on him, they went to counseling and at the end she decided she wanted to stay with the other guy. He doesn’t have them permanently they share custody and he has them on the weekends. I don’t mind him having kids because I can tell he’s a great father by the way his daughter talks about him. I guess my doubts come in when I think of my church would be ok with me dating him if my family will accept him and if God separated him for me. I don’t know if it’s Gods will or how to read the signs.
 
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Paulie079

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He was married and they divorced because she cheated on him, they went to counseling and at the end she decided she wanted to stay with the other guy. He doesn’t have them permanently they share custody and he has them on the weekends. I don’t mind him having kids because I can tell he’s a great father by the way his daughter talks about him. I guess my doubts come in when I think of my church would be ok with me dating him if my family will accept him and if God separated him for me. I don’t know if it’s Gods will or how to read the signs.

Weigh it against Scripture first and foremost and that will be the biggest help in guiding you. What does the Bible say about it?
 
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blackribbon

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I guess I was a little confused because people I had been taking to told me that God would not give me someone with kids since I didn’t have any. I guess I didn’t know if I could pray for God to approve a certain person or he just has someone for everyone and it doesn’t matter if we pray for that person if it’s not Gods will then he won’t answer the Prayer. I’m getting a lot of mixed messages and I was a little confused

I don't get this concept at all. Do you have the capacity to love these kids unconditionally? Then you could marry this man. If you can't love his kids, then please walk. He comes as a package deal and his kids deserve to be part of his whole life.
 
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dayhiker

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Welcome to CF Godspurpose.
I see how reason that God wouldn't bless your relationship.
Sometimes a way to help decide what God's will is is to one day pray and plan like you will continue in the relationship. The next day pray and plan like you will just be friends or be saying good bye to him. Which day feels the best and like God was in it. Go with that as your answer.
 
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blackribbon

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He was married and they divorced because she cheated on him, they went to counseling and at the end she decided she wanted to stay with the other guy. He doesn’t have them permanently they share custody and he has them on the weekends. I don’t mind him having kids because I can tell he’s a great father by the way his daughter talks about him. I guess my doubts come in when I think of my church would be ok with me dating him if my family will accept him and if God separated him for me. I don’t know if it’s Gods will or how to read the signs.

He is Biblically allowed to be divorced. She left him. I personally see more reason to question the church you belong to than the man you are interested in. Your church appears to only want perfect people (who then wouldn't need God) and not people who have history and actually need God.
 
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Godspurpose07

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He is Biblically allowed to be divorced. She left him. I personally see more reason to question the church you belong to than the man you are interested in. Your church appears to only want perfect people (who then wouldn't need God) and not people who have history and actually need God.
I think that is why I am allowing so much doubt because I am afraid what my church and what my family thinks. I am So focused on thinking that I am doing something wrong and I don’t know what or how to pray about the situation.
 
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Servant68

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I think that is why I am allowing so much doubt because I am afraid what my church and what my family thinks.

Sounds like your church and your family need to spend more time studying the word of God...
 
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timewerx

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He was married and they divorced because she cheated on him, they went to counseling and at the end she decided she wanted to stay with the other guy.

I think based on the Bible, divorce based on the grounds of marital infidelity is good (if he isn't the one who cheated). He can re-marry....

Anyway, I'm not sure, the Bible does talks about it (could anyone else confirm?)
 
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blackribbon

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I think based on the Bible, divorce based on the grounds of marital infidelity is good (if he isn't the one who cheated). He can re-marry....

Anyway, I'm not sure, the Bible does talks about it (could anyone else confirm?)

Matthew 19:8-9
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

So anyone who divorces his spouse for reasons of sexual immorality and marries another is exempt from being considered adulterous.
 
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timewerx

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Matthew 19:8-9
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

So anyone who divorces his spouse for reasons of sexual immorality and marries another is exempt from being considered adulterous.

That's the one, thanks Blackribbon!
 
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Godspurpose07

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I want to thank everyone for their responses, they have been very helpful. I am realizing that I was putting too much thought in what my family and church thought then in getting to know him better. My worry is being obedient and faithful to God I want him to bless me and my relationship and I was worried that if I fell for him God would later take him away because I want meant to be with him.
 
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