Dating

[fulltime]

My son who now is age 16 almost 17 is dating a 20 year old girl who goes to a junior college part time and works full time. My son works at the same store as this girl and they have gone on one date together to the mall to buy some shoes.

I will not leave them alone together and the girl friends dad also has the same views as me.

I did catch them kissing once and I have talked to both of them that this I think should be just a friendship.

My wife and friends are frowning on the whole situation.

What are your views on this ? Date or not ? This is a hard one for me.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Try and make the decision based upon them both as individuals and what they have to say about their relationship, rather than concerns about age or whatever. What is the worst that you fear?

 

[tryingtobeagain]

The 3-4 year difference dosen't seem like a lot until you realize how young your son is.. I would want him to hold off on relationships, not because of the age of the girl but just because of his age. If they really care aobut each other and hang out as friends then a real relationship can blossom over time. But they need to take it slow and get to know each other.

That being said, when I was that age I was dating much older men (mind you I looked and acted much older then I was and most didn't know my real age). I liked the intellegent conversations that boys my age weren't having. I liked the attention and the activities and going to events. People my age weren't into that stuff so I sought out older men to date and older females to befriend. My advice to you is to figure out what your son likes about this relationship. It may help you to guide him into different directions and keep him busy and away from getting into something too serious too young.

 

[fulltime]

Thankyou for the advice that you have given me. I will try to be the patient yet strict guildline parent. I told them so slow it way down or I would end it. It would not be a good idea to control my son but to encourage to make wise choices and decisions.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Most children that age react better to communicating than their parents forcing them. It makes them feel like they are maturing, which they are. It's like teaching a baby bird to fly... you've gotta give them some space to try and do the right thing, but be there to catch them if they aren't ready to fly on their own.

 

[fulltime]

Today I told my son that he needed to end the relationship and I know that this hard for him. It is his first kiss and first real girl in his life. He said that he would talk to her later and take a break for a while to find god in his life again.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Today I told my son that he needed to end the relationship and I know that this hard for him. It is his first kiss and first real girl in his life. He said that he would talk to her later and take a break for a while to find god in his life again.

Just in case this doesn't work...

If he stays with her you might want to do the 'Oh, aint that cute.' routine. To do this you talk to him like its good he's being responsible. Congratulate him on finding the girl of his dreams. Say they'll probably have cute children together. Suggest he get a full time job to pay for his future family. If he spends money on something, suggest he maybe should save it for household things he'll need when his fiance and him get their own place, soon?

Stuff like that from parents should deflate all but the strongest romance. If its not them against the world the lustre evaporates.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Or just talk to him like he's a person with rights and responsiblities, desires and dreams.

 

[VioletLady]

What is the character of the girl? Is she a Christian?

If she has genuine feelings for your son, whether that amounts to just friendship, she will want the best for him too.

I agree that the age difference can be relevant with such young couples in varying degrees of maturity, however, I am in an age gap relationship (my hubby is 50) and I do think age matters less as we get older.

God bless xxxx