Do any of you think its okay to date? I mean, dating just to date, not necessarily to marry.
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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Dating
- Thread starter jasmine88
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Quantum_Man
Senior Veteran
Companionship is a good thing, having someone who complements you as your SO is wonderful. Should you date solely for the purpose of having a good time in the present? It's up to you. But for me, the purpose of dating is to find the one with whom you'll eventually marry. A serious relationship requires much time and energy devoted to it, to work out problems as they come and learn how to deal with them together as a couple. I remember reading once regarding abstaining from kissing entirely while dating(not that I totally agree or follow it but it raises an interesting point), that you are kissing someone else's future spouse, that is if you only date for the sake of dating. God blessed me richly with my first and only girlfriend being my fiancee right now.
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Um. Is there any other way to do it? Seems to me that you'd have to get to know the other person before you decided to even consider marrying them. If the idea is that you are approaching the activity as having little or no chance of resulting in marriage, I figure that should be fine too; I mean, really, how can you accurately predict the probability of such a momentous occasion on the front end?
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Ithilwyn
Active Member
I'd have to say that it really depends. If you are getting emotionally tied to someone that you would never even consider marrying, you're just setting yourself up for heartache. If it is someone that you are unsure of and want to explore a relationship with, go for it. Better yet, if it's more of a lighthearted, we're friends so lets go out kind of a thing, that's great.
Personally, I chose not to date before I was ready to make a serious commitment--meaning I didn't date at all in high school, college, or even early on in my career--but that is definitely not the path for everyone. The important thing is that when you look back, you shouldn't have any regrets; I have a lot fewer of those than a lot of my friends and, though at the time I felt like I was missing out on stuff, I'm now dating a man who was worth waiting for.
Personally, I chose not to date before I was ready to make a serious commitment--meaning I didn't date at all in high school, college, or even early on in my career--but that is definitely not the path for everyone. The important thing is that when you look back, you shouldn't have any regrets; I have a lot fewer of those than a lot of my friends and, though at the time I felt like I was missing out on stuff, I'm now dating a man who was worth waiting for.
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peanutbutter12
Senior Veteran
Its really pointless to date if you have no intentions of marrying the person. To do so is pretty much a selfish decision to satisfy physical and emotional needs over spiritual needs. The bad thing is as the above said, doing so will lead to nothing but pain in the end.
Relationships are not about "self" and love is not a feeling, it's a decision. What I mean is, while being in a relationship might be a great feeling, the purpose is for the other person. Supporting them, caring about them, loving them, helping them. Love is selfless and true love is always putting the other person ahead of your own wants and needs. But a lot of time, younger teens (or older adults acting like younger teens) trick themselves into believing that is what they are doing when it's really all about them. In the second statment, love is a decision to be open and to share when you dont feel like it. Love is a decision when you don't think your spouse deserves your love. Love is a decision means that you are open to honest communication with your spouse. That's not only talking, but also listening. It is also a decision to be loved. Making the decision to love includes the everyday, little things that you often do for one another, especially when youre not feeling loving. From the action of deciding to love, often the feeling of love will follow.
CJ
Relationships are not about "self" and love is not a feeling, it's a decision. What I mean is, while being in a relationship might be a great feeling, the purpose is for the other person. Supporting them, caring about them, loving them, helping them. Love is selfless and true love is always putting the other person ahead of your own wants and needs. But a lot of time, younger teens (or older adults acting like younger teens) trick themselves into believing that is what they are doing when it's really all about them. In the second statment, love is a decision to be open and to share when you dont feel like it. Love is a decision when you don't think your spouse deserves your love. Love is a decision means that you are open to honest communication with your spouse. That's not only talking, but also listening. It is also a decision to be loved. Making the decision to love includes the everyday, little things that you often do for one another, especially when youre not feeling loving. From the action of deciding to love, often the feeling of love will follow.
CJ
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Spoilt Victorian Child
Regular Member
I think it's fine to go on dates for fun, but not to date for fun. Know what I mean?
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KristianJ
What's in a name? Letters...
If your only thought is the here and now and fulfilment of a short term need, then I would advise you don't date. You can build much stronger friendships with a member of the opposite sex in a group setting that fosters healthy interaction, and you can still go out with that person and not call it a date. To me, dating for the sake of dating is not really a wise thing to do. You need to know the intentions of the other person, and if they're thinking about going out with you to determine your "potential" (for want of a better word) as a spouse, whilst you're only there to have a good time, there will be heartache. And I think that if you're both keen to go see a movie together and spend time together casually, that's great - but it doesn't really fall under the category of dating/courting as I see it.
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- Dec 30, 2004
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I think if there is no future for you with that person then you shouldn't be dating, friends sure, dating no, but just my opinion
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findinghope06
Child of the Risen Lord
i really dont see the point in dating someone if you have no intention of ever marrying them. i thought this before i even accepted Christ and i would always ask my friends what the purpose of having a boyfriend or girlfriend was. but that is just me and i personally wont consider dating someone if i have no intention on ever marrying them and topics such as though i think should be discussed early on in the relationship to see whether or not the two of you should be married (the courtship stage in my book) but again this is just how i see things. but you have to do what is best for you and what you feel God is telling you to do.
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It seems like it isn't as much a moral issue as it is a lifestyle issue. If someone wants to date just to have someone to hang around with and not feel lonely, thats their decision. HOWEVER: If you are a Christian, then you have a moral duty to not lead the other person on (i.e. lie). You MUST make it clear, either at the start or very near the start of the relationship, that you do not intend to get married (to them or anyone) at this point. When they think they are dating you to see if you are marriage material, and you arent...thats bad.
Personally, I just dont see enough value inherant in dating...it is for the purpose of finding a compatible partner for marriage, not jsut to relieve loneliness.
Thats not to say you have to intend to marry each person you date at the outset, but if you ever specifically feel that you DON'T want to marry someone, or that you arent at all ready for marriage, then I don't think dating them is a good thing.
Then again, I'm of the group that prefers courtship over dating in the first place.
Personally, I just dont see enough value inherant in dating...it is for the purpose of finding a compatible partner for marriage, not jsut to relieve loneliness.
Thats not to say you have to intend to marry each person you date at the outset, but if you ever specifically feel that you DON'T want to marry someone, or that you arent at all ready for marriage, then I don't think dating them is a good thing.
Then again, I'm of the group that prefers courtship over dating in the first place.
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Alone But Surrounded
Active Member
yes its okay as long as your not goin around dating whoever whenever! if you ahve feelings for them then ya its okay!
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Chajara
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I don't think it's possible to date without marriage somehow playing into it. Even if you're dating casually, you're still meeting people, and observing those people. You're learning mannerisms and habits that you like or dislike, and therefore coming closer to knowing what you really want in a mate.
So even if you date several people casually without developing feelings, you're still learning something, and you'll be likely to steer clear of those types later, which will help you decide on one that might actually make a good marriage partner.
So even if you date several people casually without developing feelings, you're still learning something, and you'll be likely to steer clear of those types later, which will help you decide on one that might actually make a good marriage partner.
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girlofgrace727
Active Member
I am waiting till I meet the man I feel God has for me to get involved in a serious relationship simply because once you give away all your 'firsts' to other people (first kiss etc) than you longer have that thing that you share with your husband and only him...even if you shave sex, i think it will just be that much more special saving more than that for him
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