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dating with past problems
- Thread starter HclldmSwt
- Start date
HclldmSwt said:Hi,
I have been friends with someone for a little bit now, and we are interested in each other. He was very honest with me tonight, and told me of his past, before he was saved. I have remained pure and abstain from anything that I feel leads to too much temptation, and I expect that from any guy that I date. And he knows this. But he has quite a past; involving sleeping with his girlfriend, and getting involved with a married woman. He said that after he was saved, he doesn't do anything like this, and that he truly wants forgivness from God, and feels bad about the things that he did.
Now, here's my question; is it wrong for me to go out with him, with a past like this? I mean, if God has forgiven him, then there is no problem with us getting into a Christ centered relationship, right?
I do not want to do anything that is wrong, but we get along so well, and have the same views on life now. He even knows my nothing-below-the-shoulder rule...lol, and thinks it's great!
Oh, and I knew him as a christian before I looked at him as a guy i was going to want to date, so i don't think it's a case where he said that he wanted to become a christian, so i would give in and date him; which unfortuneatly has happened before, to learn that he has no intentions of following the Christ like lifestyle (which stemmed my rule of not dating non-christians).
Any advice would be great!
Souinds like he told you things you probably would have never found out on your own if he had chosen to hide them.
If you like him, date him.
That brand of honesty is quite rare these days and surely means the man is repentant and willing to do what it takes to please God now.
Would you rather have a virgin who lies, or a man whos made some mistakes and learned to appreciate and value a woman like you?
Ive been married twice to two very adulterous and selfish women whom I had to put away over harlotry.
I had decided to try to remain single, but then God brought into my life a woman, who is a virgin.
Shes in her 20s and never really even dated.
Im at the first time in my life where I can actually appreciate this woman.
Before I was married to those women, theres no way I could have known what an absolute miracle an upright woman is.
Be very careful regardless.
Look for any contradictions in his words or actions.
But do yourself a favor, we all make mistakes in life we regret, dont cast away what might be the best person you'll ever cross for a potential mate over his mistakes.
Right now, my fiancee, who was worried over my marriages, has well, if you spoke to her now Im quite sure shed tell you to date him.
She saved herself.
I made mistakes.
She seems to have no regrets getting involved with me becuase she looked past the mistakes I made and regret.
Dont rush with anything, but in all honesty, God could very well have led you 2 together.
And also think of this.
What if it were reversed?
What if you had made the mistakes and he hadnt?
Would you feel you had nothing to offfer him now?
Could you not now be the best wife to him ever over mistakes in your past?
One rule I would develope for dating, personally.
Never date if you dont intend to marry, and never date anyone you wouldnt marry.
Personally I dont like this dating around scene.
Even when I did date, it was exclusive to one person at a time.
I dont like feeling like Im at the market.
I like the feel of being only with one person, and dating one person at a time gives you a chance to really get to know them.
I feel like dating 3 or 4 people at a time really sets up bad mental habits of ''well, I can always go with another person''
Sounds good in theory, but one cannot just change a spouse over silly little things, so I dont think its a good idea to be in the mental mindset of just casting away a partner over littles things and going to the next best prospect.
Heres what Id do. Its what I did when I came to be near my honey.
I decided to date for 6 months, then length of my lease.
We talked about it.
At the end of 6 months we would decide if this was working or if we just needed to part.
It was terribly rough for the first 4 months (over some personal issues shes working through) and we've both been very worried about if this was going to be something we could handle.
But then something changed.
We've prayed alone and together to the Lord for help and guidance.
We both really like each other, but there was something just not letting things click with us for a while.
But now it is the most amazing relationship Ive ever experienced.
I had no idea that 2 people could love each other like this.
Set a timeframe and see what happens.
6 months.
Youve got nothing to lose, and quite possibly a wonderful mate and companion to gain if hes the one
Sorry for talking your ears off
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invisiblebabe
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My boyfriend lived with his ex-girlfriend for six months, before I knew him... and I'm a virgin... I have an ex fiance and a pretty messy emotional history.... but physically I have strived to remain pure.
He deeply regrets it and has repented... and while his past was certainly difficult for me to deal with at first, I am extremely glad I am with him. He's wonderful The connection between us certainly makes up for that particular situation.
Also, think of it this way: Christ and the Church are compared to a bridegroom and a bride. So in keeping with that analogy, Christ is a "virgin" and the Church is incredibly impure (without being under Christ's blood). Yet Christ still decided to "marry" us anyway. Think where we'd be without that. You have an opportunity to show grace in this way... (and I am saying this based on your compatibility and the fact that you both are Christians... otherwise, it would be foolish to decide to marry someone, of course).
He deeply regrets it and has repented... and while his past was certainly difficult for me to deal with at first, I am extremely glad I am with him. He's wonderful
The connection between us certainly makes up for that particular situation. Also, think of it this way: Christ and the Church are compared to a bridegroom and a bride. So in keeping with that analogy, Christ is a "virgin" and the Church is incredibly impure (without being under Christ's blood). Yet Christ still decided to "marry" us anyway. Think where we'd be without that. You have an opportunity to show grace in this way... (and I am saying this based on your compatibility and the fact that you both are Christians... otherwise, it would be foolish to decide to marry someone, of course).
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tynessxoxo
Active Member
Well, i can sure preach on thid one. My boyfriend (now fiancee) had a past, involving drugs, fights, well a whole lot of personal stuff that was VERY unchristian. I had never done drugs, stole anything, i had never even really kissed a guy. But the fact that he has become a christian means that god has forgive him, and with all the hurt that he must of caused god, if he can forgive him than i have no right to act like im better than god and not. That doesnt mean its been east, b/c its has not. When i thought about his past it tore me apart, and i let him know it. That was wrong of me. when god forgives he forgets like it neve even happened and thats what i need ed to do. If hes serious its okay. Just dont break ur morals.
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EmSchmem
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Well if it were so wrong I wouldn't be happily married now. My husband is a wonderful grace-giving man. And I am a LUCKY and VERY BLESSED woman!
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Everyone has sinned. If you are looking to marry someone "without a past," you will never find someone. If he is truly sorry for what he has done and is making changes in his life, then I say to ease into a new relationship with him. Like was said above, if you can't see yourself marrying him eventually, don't stay with him. Good luck!
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Sketcher
Born Imperishable
OK. Parden my bluntness, but now may be a little soon for him getting into a relationship. Unless his counselor(s) can honestly give him their blessing if he were to date you right now. He's got old attitudes to kill, and though he's repented, they may still pop up.
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HclldmSwt said:
if he really repentance and walk the correct path then it will be fine for you to date him... be careful, he might be cheating you and he might be honest to you too...just open your eyes wide
i will keep my prayer with u
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EmSchmem
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There is a song out by Rascal Flatts called The Broken Road. It's really good. It's about how sometimes we set out to do things so straight and narrow but along the way, things just get messed up. It's not actually a Christian song (I don't listen to Christian music) but it's still really good.
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I'm with twistedsketch on this one.
Read a lot of these threads and you will read about a lot of women who married a guy who had become a Christian, but shortly after the marriage, he reverted to the old lifestyle and habits. Take it very slowly. Get top know him well, as well as knowing his friends and family and co-workers, etc.
I have no doubts about the forgivness and healing power of the blood of CHrist. But I do have doubts about human ability to have truly repented and the ability of people to change themselves rather then allowing God to change them from the inside out.
Most importantly, what is God telling you? YOu need to be hearing His voice and be well aware of His guidance in this matter. If you aren't, you need to work on your relationship with God (as opposed to your ability to play the CHristian game) before you work on a relationship with anyone else.
Read a lot of these threads and you will read about a lot of women who married a guy who had become a Christian, but shortly after the marriage, he reverted to the old lifestyle and habits. Take it very slowly. Get top know him well, as well as knowing his friends and family and co-workers, etc.
I have no doubts about the forgivness and healing power of the blood of CHrist. But I do have doubts about human ability to have truly repented and the ability of people to change themselves rather then allowing God to change them from the inside out.
Most importantly, what is God telling you? YOu need to be hearing His voice and be well aware of His guidance in this matter. If you aren't, you need to work on your relationship with God (as opposed to your ability to play the CHristian game) before you work on a relationship with anyone else.
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I remember reading a thread similiar to this one before. I don't know who made this particular response, but it pretty much sums it up..."Congratulations...pat yourself on the back. You have higher standards than GOD."
I don't mean that as a personal attack towards you, but who God has set free is free indeed. One sin is just as guilty as committing the others. If you can't forgive him then don't be with him. Every person who comes to Christ is washed and sanctified by the same blood.
I've made many mistakes in my past. Everyone does no matter what you call it. People tend to use "sex" as the measuring rod for how "good" a person is. A person's past is exactly that and should be left there. We don't know what the future will bring. Today is a gift--it's even called 'the present.'
This is NOT directed towards you. I have more respect for a prostitute who will stand there and tell me the truth versus a virgin who will lie to me.
If you honestly feel that your potential beau has experienced a heart felt conversion, then treat him like you would want to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot. If it is just too much, then cut ties and move on. Above all else, pray for guidance. I pray that you make the right decision that brings you peace. Matters of the heart are best decided between, you, the other person, and God. No one else on this board will feel what you feel. I truly hope that I have not offended you. God Bless you.
I don't mean that as a personal attack towards you, but who God has set free is free indeed. One sin is just as guilty as committing the others. If you can't forgive him then don't be with him. Every person who comes to Christ is washed and sanctified by the same blood.
I've made many mistakes in my past. Everyone does no matter what you call it. People tend to use "sex" as the measuring rod for how "good" a person is. A person's past is exactly that and should be left there. We don't know what the future will bring. Today is a gift--it's even called 'the present.'
This is NOT directed towards you. I have more respect for a prostitute who will stand there and tell me the truth versus a virgin who will lie to me.
If you honestly feel that your potential beau has experienced a heart felt conversion, then treat him like you would want to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot. If it is just too much, then cut ties and move on. Above all else, pray for guidance. I pray that you make the right decision that brings you peace. Matters of the heart are best decided between, you, the other person, and God. No one else on this board will feel what you feel. I truly hope that I have not offended you. God Bless you.
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I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather! I pray that God comforts you in your time of hurt.
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tynessxoxo
Active Member
well, i say you should pray about it. but i wish you two good luck. i know form personal experience it helps overcome ur past if u have someone to care about.
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Lizzi4Christ
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"Now, here's my question; is it wrong for me to go out with him, with a past like this? I mean, if God has forgiven him, then there is no problem with us getting into a Christ centered relationship, right?"
You're partitally right.
The thing is, he may have some past baggage. There could be hurts, fears, anger, doubts etc still there. Are you willing to deal with that? I've faced it and it's been hard. Very, very hard.
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I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. Mine past away 6 months ago. I know it's hard. *hug*
You're partitally right.
The thing is, he may have some past baggage. There could be hurts, fears, anger, doubts etc still there. Are you willing to deal with that? I've faced it and it's been hard. Very, very hard.
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I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. Mine past away 6 months ago. I know it's hard. *hug*
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invisiblebabe
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tynessxoxo said:
I don't think it was wrong of you to let your fiance know that thinking of his past hurt you. Keeping any hurt inside is much worse in the long run. Communication is absolutely essential in a relationship, about both the good and bad things. If it was an issue to you, and something you had to deal with or struggle with, the Christian thing to do was tell him about it... and assuming you told him in a nonaccusing and honest manner.... you did the right thing.
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