What do you mean by betrothal process?
I understand how you were. My first boyfriend was really controlling and mean to me, yet I stuck around with him for four years. My current guy is such an upgrade.
I messed around with Mr. Wrong for three months. The night I walked out on him, I went to my Dad whom I hadn't seen in ages. Dad had hired an investigator and handed me the file. Hoo boy!
Betrothal varies in different cultures.
The process in my husband's culture:
1) The parents decide their child is ready to marry.
2) The parents do a search and find a candidate.
3) the two fathers negotiate a contract--usually a legally enforceable contract.
4) The two who are to marry have an obligation to their fathers, not to each other. This is a marriage of two families.
4a) There is a betrothal ceremony in which the father of the bride announces that he is pledging his daughter, handing the other father a dowery. (Mine was one gold Kugerrand) The commitment comes into being with that.
5) There is a period of preparation for marriage, the "children" communicating with their parents, the two sets of parents communicate with each other. This way, the parents exercise their control and good judgment over the courtship.
6) On the wedding day, the pair being married walk around the sacred fire seven times, each time asking the god Agni for particular things that make for a good marriage---not vows but requests of this god. The commitment came to be at the betrothal and it was the fathers who committed.
7) After marriage, the couple lives with the groom's family so the bride can receive instruction from her mum-in-law how to pamper her husband in the manner that he has been accustomed since birth. Bride is 16 or 17; groom 18 to 20 or so.
That's the traditional process in Northern India. In modern families, the children get married somewhat older and they have veto power on their parents' selection of a mate. But even today, there are some upper-class families in which the girl gets to see a photograph of her groom and the groom doesn't see his bride's face until he lifts the veil after the fire walk.
My husband and I did a lot of side-stepping of tradition but all the traditional elements were more or less present--- a betrothal with a contract that involved a substantial amount in escrow, a list of the bride's and groom's wants, time frames for intermingling Christian and Hindu weddings. Our parents were very much involved in our courtship after the betrothal. There was a purification rite that prevented a wedding night after our Christian wedding. It was an adventure. Dear hubbie and I joke that we will avoid divorce at all costs because we don't want to go through THAT again.
God bless,
