Dating: the proactive approach vs waiting for God

Nom De Guerre · Apr 28, 2011

lol, fair enough. I wasn't very clear with my 'meaning', you're right.

I'm quite aware of how much effort many of them need to put into themselves.

Sketcher · Apr 28, 2011

thankful_in_VT said:
I'd rather have a man notice me for my personality than my looks.
I'd rather hear "I love your attention to detail." or "You really are good at _____." than being told "You're so pretty." as an opening line.

I've been told I'm beautiful by would be suitors who live with worldly desires and have not accepted Jesus as their personal Savior that honestly it's grown so thin...

It just feels like a line, it never really seems sincere anymore.

Well, for what it's worth, I look for something I can actually respect before I get to that point. I'm cynical enough and greedy enough for beauty alone to not impress me. Still gotta have it, though.

Nom De Guerre · Apr 28, 2011

shinkou said:
I think maybe I can't understand to well the thing people said. It is confusing to me. Maybe I have to study more in English.

No it was my fault, I didn't elaborate further.

Shadesofgray · Apr 28, 2011

IreneAdler said:
(honestly? I think most of what girls do as far as beauty and such is about other girls and social things and not about guys at all... but that's just my take)

thankful_in_VT said:
I'd rather have a man notice me for my personality than my looks.
I'd rather hear "I love your attention to detail." or "You really are good at _____." than being told "You're so pretty." as an opening line.

I've been told I'm beautiful by would be suitors who live with worldly desires and have not accepted Jesus as their personal Savior that honestly it's grown so thin...

It just feels like a line, it never really seems sincere anymore.

I think these are both very healthy ways to look at things, and I am glad that you two are able to see things this way. But I also think that there are a lot of girls, and guys as well, who are very insecure with their appearance and for them this is a big part of relationships. I do think it is much better if you are able not to care about that aspect of things and find someone with a deeper standard for finding someone. It's a sign of maturity and confidence in my books which are both very attractive features in a person.

Nom De Guerre · Apr 28, 2011

Sketcher said:
Well, for what it's worth, I look for something I can actually respect before I get to that point. I'm cynical enough and greedy enough for beauty alone to not impress me. Still gotta have it, though.

Oh, I'm right there with you man! I'll be the first to admit that I look at looks first though, and then I look at the depth of the person after; human nature to see what's on the outside first.

IreneAdler · Apr 28, 2011

Shadesofgray said:
I think these are both very healthy ways to look at things, and I am glad that you two are able to see things this way. But I also think that there are a lot of girls, and guys as well, who are very insecure with their appearance and for them this is a big part of relationships. I do think it is much better if you are able not to care about that aspect of things and find someone with a deeper standard for finding someone. It's a sign of maturity and confidence in my books which are both very attractive features in a person.

queen of insecure about appearance
I just tend to be able to turn off my feelings to be objective (thank goodness or I'd be an emotional mess most of the time)

HosannaHM · Apr 28, 2011

Shadesofgray said:
I think these are both very healthy ways to look at things, and I am glad that you two are able to see things this way. But I also think that there are a lot of girls, and guys as well, who are very insecure with their appearance and for them this is a big part of relationships. I do think it is much better if you are able not to care about that aspect of things and find someone with a deeper standard for finding someone. It's a sign of maturity and confidence in my books which are both very attractive features in a person.

Your right! You know looks are always subject to change. Trust me I think my fiance is absolutely gorgeous, but if you asked me if that was a deciding factor in whether or not to marry her, it lies at the bottom of the totem pole. Looks are literally skin deep, and as we mature spiritually the most attractive thing (to me anyways) becomes their passion for God.

broken_one · Apr 28, 2011

thankful_in_VT said:
think it wicked romantic.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no.

*Carry on with thread*

Nom De Guerre · Apr 28, 2011

Or, idk, maybe it's pretty rudimentary that males tend to go after immense beauty first and foremost; as they always have in the past, and always will.

Nom De Guerre · Apr 28, 2011

broken_one said:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no.

*Carry on with thread*

Oh c'mon Sean, lol, you haven't even given it a try You can't tell me you wouldn't want to stand behind your lady and chop some carrots or other vegetables together...

Verve · Apr 28, 2011

IreneAdler said:
queen of insecure about appearance
I just tend to be able to turn off my feelings to be objective (thank goodness or I'd be an emotional mess most of the time)

I had to work on that a bunch too. Trust me, being part of a sorority taught me so much about looks and why they matter or don't matter.

Seeing past looks quickly became very important. Prayer asking God to see people the way he does helps a bunch, at least for me. There have been some people that my friends have raved about the good looks of and I just don't see it because of their personality. There are also people that deserve to be treated so much better because they really are beautiful and can't see it.

Just remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, exactly the way God intended. You are a priceless work of wearable art. You, have more details and care put into you than haute couture.

Obzocky · Apr 28, 2011

For every person who sits back there's someone who has to pro-actively go about their dating business. Someone has to make the leap, someone has to search, someone has to do something. I'm not a big "sit back and let God take care of it" approach. Sometimes we have to do a little legwork, sometimes there are opportunities made available to us that we don't take because we are sure that it's not the door we should go through. How do we know unless we go through it? Our gut instincts? Even in the case of friendship blooming into something a little less platonic someone had to take the action to propel them from unknown stranger to friend.

Someone always has to actively do something.
Two people who are waiting for signs are unlikely to come across each other unless they actively do something which would cause them to go "oh, we are quite compatible, perhaps it is a good idea to date".

My brain has a very hard time understanding how anyone can progress to a full on relationship without someone making some kind of activity somewhere along the line. I even think we have something of a responsibility to do that. If i'm ever in a place where I actively want a serious relationship i'll go looking. I'll get out there and actively be in a position where opportunities are created.

In response to "doing so little".

Maybe it is.
Maybe it isn't.
I know girls who spend hours perfecting their look so that they can make other girls jealous.
I know girls who spend hours perfecting their look so they can find "the right sort of man".
Plumage is part of the mating game, for many that is their part in actively looking. Be pretty, have a selection, be picky.

I'm rambling.

Obzocky · Apr 28, 2011

double post win.

IreneAdler · Apr 28, 2011

mine was family issues. (my real dad said to me "at least you're not fat like your sister"). there were other things and relationship issues. thirty + has been fabulous for me. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Verve · Apr 28, 2011

broken_one said:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no.

*Carry on with thread*

I'm from New England...we say wicked. Deal with it.

Nom De Guerre · Apr 28, 2011

Curwhibble said:
In response to "doing so little".

Maybe it is.
Maybe it isn't.

My ex-fiancee and I used to live together, I used to watch her get ready to go out (even help sometimes lol); and it didn't take long (5-10 mins). She could go sans-make up if she wanted to really and she would at times.

broken_one · Apr 28, 2011

thankful_in_VT said:
I'm from New England...we say wicked. Deal with it.

As a New Yorker, I'm not going to deal with it.

HosannaHM · Apr 28, 2011

Who's to say that God doesn't have perfect timing to match that "leap of faith"

HosannaHM · Apr 28, 2011

broken_one said:
As a New Yorker, I'm not going to deal with it.

DUDE that is wicked harsh

Obzocky · Apr 28, 2011

Nom De Guerre said:
My ex-fiancee and I used to live together, I used to watch her get ready to go out (even help sometimes lol); and it didn't take long (5-10 mins). She could go sans-make up if she wanted to really and she would at times.

That is the way it should be. Alas some individuals feel the need to do far more, painting the perfect image as they so dislike how the appear without the war paint.

Fake tan, more tan, lashes, glitter, giving definition to otherwise shapeless faces, plumping the lips, enhancing the waist line, more tan, more defining, hair styling, double triple hair stick stuff, the right outfit, the right thing ... it happens when certain ladies are on the prowl.

Far too much effort for me, but whatever gives them the boost to go out and party like it's their birthday...

Dating: the proactive approach vs waiting for God

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