Dating standards

[HoppinSauce]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for some time, and we have definite standards we go by. We're good about keeping each other in check. Only thing is, our standards are a bit "looser" than those of anyone we know of. This includes going some places that most people would deem off-limits, though we don't do this with the goal of pushing the envelope as far as we can until we get married. We used to be envelope-pushers, but when we caught ourselves and ended that cycle, we didn't honestly see any reason to discontinue the things which we were now used to doing.
My conscience isn't troubled. Many nights I've prayed that God would convict me if this is wrong (only because I know it would be in many others' opinions, however much that is worth), but so far, it still feels right.
Anyway...I'm just looking to hopefully end this confusion in my life...I'm not wandering around in the dark, I just wanna know if anybody here has any major points I might have missed in making these decisions. That's all.

 

[bliz]

Without knowing what kinds of "things" you are talking about it's hard to give you meaningful advice. I have learned that when some people talk about "off-limits" behavior they mean watching TV on the Sabbath, and others mean any kind of sexual act except intercourse.

 

[HoppinSauce]

Namely, touching/kissing everywhere from the waist up, through or often underneath clothing, long, involved, passionate kisses, etc. That's the most taboo one that I wonder about. Our hands and lips wander alot but we know to not even try to go "downtown," and it's never been a problem.

 

[EmSchmem]

I personally see an issue with it. Obviously you make your own choices and I can't dictate them. However, the things you are talking about are QUITE intimate and also easily lead to our thoughts being consumed both by them and other things that may lead sirectly to intercourse. Seriously the law of diminishing returns says that this will only be enough for the two of you for so long. Also someone you may not marry has now touched and kissed you in intimate places. This has taken away the gift of letting your future wife be the first to do these things. Please know that I am not judging you. Before I was a Christian I was quite sexually promiscouos so I too took these gifts frm my husband. I can't express to you how much that hurts me. Even the thought that someone touched me in any intimate ways hurts becuase Satan does bring those things up. ALmost like a tape playing over and over in my head. Believe me I don't want to be thinking of some guy named Jeff when I am with my husband.

 

[EmSchmem]

And by the way. I think the fact that you are posting for such advice says that there is at least some conviction. And an act isn't sinful only because we feel convicted that it is.

 

[bliz]

And by the way. I think the fact that you are posting for such advice says that there is at least some conviction. And an act isn't sinful only because we feel convicted that it is.

Yes - I was going to comment on the very same thing.

You are engaging in activity that I feel, that I'm sure most Christians would feel is reserved for marriage. Further, you are both doing damage to your married sex lives. You are developing a patters of becoming aroused, and then not going through with what you body is designed to do. You are teaching your sexual engine to get all reved up, and someday, hopefully when you are married, you are going to put it in gear, and it is going to stall on you. You are also making it difficult to evaluate and assess your relationship because of sexual involvement.

Sexual sin is oh, so very tempting, and it is easy for people to slide into it. Sexual sins are also barbed sins, that is, when you try to remove them from your lives, they usually tear at other parts of our lives. Sex is related to psychology and sense of self and intimacy and body image... No aspects of our lives really function in seperate compartments, but the sexual compartment overflows into just about everything... no, make that everything.

When our lives are full of sin, it is pretty easy for us to think that we are actually pretty good people. The more sin we clear out of our lives, the more aware we are of our sins, and the more greived we are by them. The fact that you have a clear conscience indicates nothing other than the fact that you have a pretty calloused conscience. What does God have to say to you to make it clear that this behavior is not pleasing to Him? Over and over scripture talks about the sin of fornication. This falls into that catagory.

This is a problem wrestled with by many Christians. God designed sexual attraction to be a very strong and powerful drive and you have gotten caught up in its power. The question now is, what do you want to do about it?

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

I think the reason why what you are doing feels right is because your heart may be somewhat hardened. If you continually do a sin that you know isn't right then your heart will get hard. First you need to realize what you have been doing isn't right, then repent of it and stop doing it. Then ask the Lord to soften your heart. It will take a while however to get your heart and conscience tender again, depending on how long you have been ingnoring it.

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

In this day and age it is a lot tougher than it was years ago. Worldy acceptibile practices via news media, TV, movies, radio, culture in general that we are BOMBARDED with tempt our earthly selves CONSTANTLY. We need to watch how our thoughts are programmed for sure.

 

[fishstix]

We used to be envelope-pushers, but when we caught ourselves and ended that cycle, we didn't honestly see any reason to discontinue the things which we were now used to doing.

Now this doesn't make sense to me. You say you ended the cycle of pushing the envelope but you didn't discontinue doing the things you were doing. How did you end anything if you are still doing the same old thing? If what you were doing before was already putting you on the edge of a cliff, and you are still doing it, then you are still at the edge of the cliff. You're still pushing the envelope. The only way to stop pushing the envelope is to discontinue the questionable things that you are doing - whether you are used to doing them or not.