I don't doubt that people are worth more than that and no I'm not looking at just using this girl to gain experience or something. I'm asking whether it's worth trying to get to know this girl (or another girl if we want to put it into the generic) to see if attraction might develop when I know the her part (ie. what's under the skin). I wonder if I'm being too shallow at not being willing to give someone a chance because I don't find them attractive.
I am sorry that people think I'm desparate, pathetic, selfish or whatever but that's not my intention.
If I was all of those things then I wouldn't be asking these questions, I'd just be lapping up the attention of this girl (cos I sure aint been getting that from anyone) and taking her for what I could get out of her. But I'm not doing that, nor would I do that to anyone - that would be immoral even outside faith circles.
I'm asking whether people think it's possible to become attracted to the person when you know them.
look at trying to pursue and maybe finally get a relationship with someone who I'm not attracted to
don't do it.
Attraction can build over time, but its asking for trouble to enter into a relationship hoping that will happen in your case. That would be nothing more than leading her on.
There's nothing wrong with wanting someone you're attracted to physically. That's perfectly natural. However, I personally feel it's wrong to get involved with someone you don't find attractive. You're leading them on and making them believe that you feel more for them than you really do. Obviously personality, beliefs, and brains are far more important but physical attraction IS part of the equation and if you don't look at her and think she's the most beautiful girl in the world then I would say don't bother. She deserves better.
Sometimes physical attraction doesn't come imediately but can come later. There have been women thad I found became more attractive the better I knew them and others who I thought attractive to begin with but became less attractive as I got to know them. Perhaps if you get to know her better then you might have a better idea if you are suited to each other
This is also a good point. I like to think of it this way: physical beauty can draw you to someone but their inner beauty is what should keep you attracted.
semi blind post...I agree with these men and with a few others here. She deserves more than someone who is settling and you deserve more. You can cause a lot of pain for the both of you if she were to find out you were using her for you own selfish desire for companionship. Physical attraction can come later in a friendship. But going into a relationship with no physical attraction present is not a good idea and a bit cowardly. I urge you to not lead her on and do not date her in hopes of becoming attracted to her some day in the future. Save her from the scars that are bound to happen.
Nitpick: a friendship is a relationship. Just not a romantic one.
I believe something similar to what you say, except I would take it a bit further: to enter into a romantic relationship without that is not only unwise, but in my estimation, impossible. Physical attraction is, pure and simple, an essential part of romance*. To be blunt, if you are considering marriage (which consideration should be present in any romantic relationship) you are expecting to eventually satisfy that person's sexual desires. And how are you going to do that properly if you are not attracted to them? If there is no actual connection, then how is the sexual aspect of your relationship going to be any more meaningful than it would be if you were just a mechanical device?
It is possible to develop physical attraction for someone with whom you do not have that initial spark. I have done so myself: I became physically attracted to a girl after initially being attracted by her intellect and sense of humor. That spark died after I later encountered some very serious flaws in her personality, but the point still stands: physical attraction can grow out of a spiritual, intellectual, or emotional attachment. But if you consider yourself to be romantically involved with someone to whom you are not physically attracted, you're fooling yourself; and if you tell them that you love them in a romantic way, you're lying to them.
So just be friends with people. If you find yourself eventually connecting in all ways (spiritual, intellectual, emotional, physical) with a woman, then consider a romantic relationship with her. If any of those things are lacking - not just physical attraction, but any - then remain simply friends, and don't worry about it any more.
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*I feel I should make an exception to that statement for true celibates (those who have no sexual desires at all). I am not willing to say that romance is out of bounds for such people, if they are satisfied with non-sexual forms of intimacy in an exclusive relationship.
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