Dating Question.

[MissMayI777]

So I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and she smokes pot. This makes me kind of uncomfortable. I have such a connection with this girl though and I dont want to just dump it all. I've been praying on it so much and now im looking for fellow Christian fellowship on this. Any advice would be helpful thank you.

-Mike

 

[blackribbon]

Mike,

I have a list of "deal-breakers"...things that I can not live with in a relationship...along with a list of things that are things that would make me step back and really evaluate a relationship hard. The reason is so that I don't let my emotions rule over my common sense when looking for someone to spend my life with. This set of standards is to help me keep my head and not accidently fall in love with someone who would make my life harder.

For me, illegal drug use of any sort is not acceptable because I could not handle having to go through the legal system with my love for something so stupid and avoidable. It has nothing to do with how I actually feel about the various drugs.

I also believe that if you accept her with this habit, then you have to accept it forever....we don't get to change the ones we love. I think you are fair in saying that this is a problem...and enough of a problem to make you walk...but understand that even if she does stop to keep you, that doesn't mean she won't restart when things get hard. Marriage doesn't "fix" the problems of a relationship...they actually get worst before they get better more often than not. I was married for 17 years before my husband died. In the end, we had a very good marriage. However, there were some very difficult years in the beginning as we worked through our differences.

As much as I loved my husband, I have a few things on my deal-breaker list for things that I tolerated with him, but don't want to have those difficulties in my life again now that I do have a choice. (Ironically, there are also some things that used to really bother me but wouldn't even make me take pause if they showed up again.)

If you are looking for someone to spend your life with, then I would recommend that you really think hard and pray about this. It is so much harder to walk away if you wait and really do fall in love.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

does this girl believe in Jesus as her Savior? I know some might bash me saying she can't be a Christian and a pot smoker, but I disagree. We all have sin in our lives so...but if you are against pot smoking then it would not be a good thing for you to continue in the relationship. I would be curious to know "why" she smokes it? What does she think about it? It could be that she would like to quit but just hasn't. Pot, IMO, isn't really that physically addicting. It's more of a mental addiction. If it were me, and I was interested in someone that did something like this that was against what I would want in a relationship, I would talk to them about the "whys" that they do it, and explain my stance on it. Maybe they would think I was a jerk, or maybe they would be interested enough in me, to give the stuff up finally. It depends on the circumstances. In any event, whatever you choose, I still think if you choose not to go forward because of her pot smoking, you should tell her this is the reason.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I'd look to find out more about the whys.

I'm with Michelle, I don't see smoking as keeping one from being a Christian.

Actually, I'm for the legalization of pot. We are putting too many people in jail for something that I don't see as any worse than smoking a cigarette. Why ruin a persons life for such a trivial thing.

 

[Hisbygrace]

MOD HAT ON

Thread moved from Mature Singles

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[blackribbon]

Not arguing, just wondering why the thread was moved. Is the OP not a "mature" (mid 30's or older) single?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

not sure, but maybe the OP wanted it moved because it is now in the regular singles section. Maybe he wanted more "finger" traffic (get it foot traffic, finger traffic lol) IDK?

 

[Jonny Doe]

So I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and she smokes pot. This makes me kind of uncomfortable. I have such a connection with this girl though and I dont want to just dump it all. I've been praying on it so much and now im looking for fellow Christian fellowship on this. Any advice would be helpful thank you.

-Mike

Be careful.

If she doesn't fear the law of the land, she is most likely not going to fear God; which means, what is going to stop her from talking to other guys, or doing other things that will make you feel insecure. Think about it: if it doesn't affect her conscience to do something that everybody knows is illegal, her conscience won't affect her when other opportunities to sin/rebel come along.

I recommend not getting attached. It's easier said than done, i know. But in the long run, this is the wise thing to do. She most likely will end up hurting you if she doesn't change. If she does change, it's got to be for God, not you. Because if you change for an imperfect person, one that you make an idol out of, and that imperfect person ends up doing something that makes you bitter, the instinctive way to get back is to spite that person with ungodly behavior.

Just be careful about spending too much time with her.

 

[Keri]

Think about it: if it doesn't affect her conscience to do something that everybody knows is illegal, her conscience won't affect her when other opportunities to sin/rebel come along.

I suppose it would depend on which state she lives in. And whether she is using it for medicinal purposes or not. I don't presume to know where this girl lives or why she uses it, but for me, living in California, medical usage is legal, can be obtained legally and carried on your person without any legal prosecution.

With that said, if it's something that the OP is completely uncomfortable with, then he's answered his own question on what to do.

 

[Brandon01]

Don't get pulled into smoking pot. It kills brain cells and motivation. Could lead to worse things.

 

[JonahGirl]

I don't like it. That's the best answer I know to give you. You don't share that in common with her and smoking pot occasionally is one thing but it being a lifestyle is another. If she is like the latter, that doesn't bode well for your future or compatibility. The very fact that this is bothering you so bad is also a big warning flag...

You can keep dating her if you want to but at this point, it looks like it will most likely be one of those letting something die slowly situations. I have a tendency to do that. I don't want to let someone go so I keep hanging on with my doubts until it blows up. Thankfully, with the doubts, it doesn't usually take too long to blow.

There is a remote possibility in your case that she may decide to give it up. You could pray for that. That'd be good for both of you.

 

[Sketcher]

Don't count on her changing for the better. She has pot in her life and you cannot make it go away. If you want that for the long term, stay together, if not, break it off.

 

[MacFall]

It's safer than alcohol, which I'd say as a conservative estimate that more than half of the world's Christians consume on a fairly regular basis. Most of what people believe about pot smokers comes from propaganda and social stigma. Do not prejudge her. If it's the law you're worried about - well, that's up to you. I don't get my morals from the government, and I certainly wouldn't evaluate another person by the standards of corrupt politicians. They throw peaceful people in cages for selling unpasteurized milk to willing buyers, too.

 

[SavingCady]

Advice I've always had is, don't go into a relationship or allow yourself to fall for someone with the INTENTIONS of changing them. They need to change before all of your emotional attachment happens. Don't brush off your deal-breakers (I have a few of my own, like not being saved) and settle!

 

[anewday]

Advice I've always had is, don't go into a relationship or allow yourself to fall for someone with the INTENTIONS of changing them. They need to change before all of your emotional attachment happens. Don't brush off your deal-breakers (I have a few of my own, like not being saved) and settle!

 

[Rhamiel]

So I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and she smokes pot. This makes me kind of uncomfortable. I have such a connection with this girl though and I dont want to just dump it all. I've been praying on it so much and now im looking for fellow Christian fellowship on this. Any advice would be helpful thank you.

-Mike

just talk to her about it

does she smoke a lot or is more of just a social thing she does with friends?
I kinda look at it the same as drinking
there is a differance between having a glass of wine with friends and getting wasted on shots every weekend and needing alcohol every day just to function
3 differant levals with the first one being ok and the other two being problems

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

It's safer than alcohol, which I'd say as a conservative estimate that more than half of the world's Christians consume on a fairly regular basis. Most of what people believe about pot smokers comes from propaganda and social stigma. Do not prejudge her. If it's the law you're worried about - well, that's up to you. I don't get my morals from the government, and I certainly wouldn't evaluate another person by the standards of corrupt politicians. They throw peaceful people in cages for selling unpasteurized milk to willing buyers, too.

I agree with this! But to the OP, if it bother YOU then don't date her.

 

[MacFall]

Right, I agree with that. The OP should just be certain that, if he is bothered, that the reason for his being bothered is based in love and reason and not on prejudice.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Right, I agree with that. The OP should just be certain that, if he is bothered, that the reason for his being bothered is based in love and reason and not on prejudice.

well whether judgemental or not, if the OP can't hang with her it doesn't matter. I mean I won't date serial killers and I don't really care if they think it's prejudice, that's where I draw the line.

 

[MacFall]

Well, it wouldn't be prejudice to refuse to hang out with a serial killer. You're not making any assumptions about them if you know they kill people. It would be prejudice to assume that someone is a serial killer because they like death metal and Gears of War (or whatever violent video games the kids play these days). Likewise, assuming that someone is a worthless/untrustworthy/dangerous human being because they smoke pot. That's all I'm trying to say.