Dating etc...

[queenm04]

Its my lst time posting on this forum, Hi All! (am not a newby though, just that hav been busy lately, may b dating, lol...)

Hav a question & Hav searched d forum 4 similar topic but in vain!my question is since dating is generally defind as a social outing with a current or potential lover or spouse, meaning you can go out with more than one potential…in an effort to get to know them. My question is If you are dating (not going steady) with A is it important that B knows who you are dating and when you are going out with B, etc? If so how can you do this without offending them and how can you date without raising hopes of a relationship>

Ta,

 

[Hope_0004]

Hmmm... guess it depends on whether you think you'd be upset if A or B didn't tell you if you saw them out with anyone but U.

Seriously, do unto others - it's so easy. If you think it would upset you, that's probably the tone of your relationship and you should tell. However, if it's all just friendly and very casual right now, it's premature and perhaps even unwise to have that convo at this stage.

However, if one of them says anything relating to dating others, or how they are only dating you, or whatever, don't mislead them. It'll come back to haunt ya later.

 

[Ithilwyn]

Wow! Ummm...I thought queenm04 mentioned that she is dating with the intention of eventually establishing a relationship. You seem to have made quite a few assumptions Blue. Unfortunately, not all people are so lucky as to be able to know a person well enough before going out as to know if this person is going to be good relationship material. That sort of thing takes time and some of us only have the option of doing that in a dating setting that is necessarily casual. Now, I personally would have a problem dating a person casually for an extended period of time--it really should be just long enough to figure out if this guy is a possibility; once that has been determined, the dating should either end or become exlusive.

When I started venturing out into the dating world, I went out on a couple of casual dates with two different guys. I didn't mention other dates to either of them simply because it didn't come up in converstation, though I would have been completely up front with them if it had. With one guy, it only took two dates for me to figure out that I did not want to pursue a relationship, and I told him that as soon as possible so that no one's feelings would be hurt. The other guy...well...we are now in a courting relationship and looking forward to getting married some day. I've told him that I went out a couple of times with another guy while we were still getting to know each other, and he has absolutely no problem with that.

 

[ahmunmun]

<<Unfortunately, not all people are so lucky as to be able to know a person well enough before going out as to know if this person is going to be good relationship material. That sort of thing takes time and some of us only have the option of doing that in a dating setting that is necessarily casual.>>

I have to disagree with that. (Don't take it personally though, please ) Why can't a boy and a girl who likes each other get to know each other first? What is the rush? You have to be rational about whether that other person really could be the right one. If you see absolutely no future, the best is not to to get started in dating at all. I don't agree with getting to know each other and dating at the same time because you can't learn much about a person when you're alone with him/her, but you'll only learn what he/she wants you to know. You have to observe how he/she socialize with other people, family members, etc. That you can't learn in a dating setting.

I recommend the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. It explains dating much better than I can. The book doesn't tell you to stop dating, but it tries to make you avoid messing up your relationship before you start.

 

[queenm04]

Thanks for your insightful comments!!!

Could not reply to any posts (still dont know why i cant use internet explorer to reply)am using the browser mozilla firefox as advisd in cf support)

 

[queenm04]

Seriously, do unto others - it's so easy. If you think it would upset you, that's probably the tone of your relationship and you should tell. However, if it's all just friendly and very casual right now, it's premature and perhaps even unwise to have that convo at this stage.

True, i think its a good idea to tell as per tone of the relationshiip, but at times its all so confusing!!!& its also risky business. u stand a chance to lose or may loose the one you that u hav been waiting 4 for long.

If you insist on continuing with casual dating, I certainly hope you aren't also engaging in casual sex. My experience with guys who date but "don't want a relationship" is that they were only out to get in girls' pants.. and it can happen the opposite way too (girls dating many guys), or they are only in it for the physical benefits, even without sex. "Because its fun" is not a reason to date. Dating should *be* fun? But it shouldn't be the sole motivation. You may end up really hurting some nice people. Edit: and hurting *yourself* by giving away some very valuable and non-returnable parts of who you are to someone way too soon.

There is no point in dating unless you are looking for a relationship. Maybe you will find out you don't want a relationship with that particular person, in which case you should *move on*, not lead them on. If two people get together and neither wants a relationship, I think there is a real danger of something happening that shouldn't happen (casual sex) since both people are probably only looking for a few nights of fun or something like that. And that is the WRONG motivation to "date". Actually I don't even call that dating.. and if only one person wants a relationship and the other doesn't, someone is nearly always going to get hurt in that kind of situation. So you have to be careful.

certainly no sex, touching, or kissing = hands free kit at the moment. am hoping to zoom in into one the Almighty has 4 me, that is having a steady relationship. And while am hoping to get to know them through dating, i hope to finish the game without causing any casualties, (not hurtng any, specifically the one that i wont end up with (by having their hopes up) hope u understand,

 

[queenm04]

I have to disagree with that. (Don't take it personally though, please ) Why can't a boy and a girl who likes each other get to know each other first? What is the rush? You have to be rational about whether that other person really could be the right one. If you see absolutely no future, the best is not to to get started in dating at all. I don't agree with getting to know each other and dating at the same time because you can't learn much about a person when you're alone with him/her, but you'll only learn what he/she wants you to know. You have to observe how he/she socialize with other people, family members, etc. That you can't learn in a dating setting.

Depending on what your view of dating is, where do u get 2 know them without going out with them?unless if u mean elliminating even before they start, i hav not been dating (been celibate or rather celibrate...lol) 4 several years, & d people i was meeting where no where near d " criteria" i had thought its acceptable, i would even avoid any such conversation with them! Knowing that the Almighty will bring the one He knows is suitable 4 me in His own time.


And lately i am meeting those within my bucket of attraction sort of, and they show up @ d same time, I do pray 2 Almighty's guidance, buy hey it can b so confusing,..

 

[Breetai]

I wouldn't seriously date more than one person at once, but I think it's okay to casually date more than one person. Just let them know that you date other people. There's no need for "person A" to know who "person B or C" is, but I do think that it's best that everyone knows that you're playing the field.

 

[halifaxhoney]

I wouldn't seriously date more than one person at once, but I think it's okay to casually date more than one person. Just let them know that you date other people. There's no need for "person A" to know who "person B or C" is, but I do think that it's best that everyone knows that you're playing the field.

I agree