Dating and getting into relationships

[michaelj77]

Hi All,
What I would like to know is your response to the above topic. I'm someone who is keen to be in a relationship and to date someone and possibly get married. But I've had this question - when should I tell my partner that I've had issues with OCD and depression? I feel its not right to totally hide the fact - and its not being honest too. This has made me think twice before I enter into a relationship.
But having said that no one is perfect, and we all have our faults. I think I suffer from a little self esteem problem in relating to a future partner. Is it right by her to have a partner who had depression? I know I may be a little hard on myself here.
So I would like to hear from married people, dating young adults who faced this issue - either you having depression or you're partner having it. What did you do? How did the other person feel? Does love cover these faults that it really doesn't matter? They say love heals many of these problems.
I know there are others out there who would have the same feelings and questions. So please reply!!
God bless you all!
Micheal

 

[Jeshu]

Indeed most of the issues related to your illness will be solved by love.
I would be open about my sickness early on so you give the person a fair go at working it out for themselves. It can be very difficult living with someone who has a mental illness. I feel that at least in theory this must be made clear to any future partner. I know that some prospective partners will run a country mile when faced with your illness, but the RIGHT one wont do that.

God's blessing with this.

Gerry

 

[Soulwings]

I agree with Gerry. Tell your partner early on what you're struggling with; it is a good test to see how far his/her love will go, if that makes sense. If s/he doesn't want to stay with you due to your mental illnesses/problems, then s/he is NOT the right mate for you. Love can cover - and even help heal - these problems, and I can attest to that.

I'm engaged, and my fiance has been with me ever since all the "bad stuff" started to take over my life - depression, then cutting, then hospitalisation, then an ED, then IP treatment, etc., etc., meds and meds and more meds, meal plans, bloodwork..... the whole gambit - and if that didn't scare him away, nothing will. He's dealt with depression in the past, so he gets how I feel - and who knows, your partner may have equally difficult problems, but feels as though s/he shouldn't reveal them to you "yet," but when you tell him/her about your problem, s/he might open up to you. Never know! Y'all might empathise better than you thought.

But anyway... Jarrod loves me enough to take me, faults and flaws and illnesses and all. And I know that because of his love, I'm doing so very much better than I would've otherwise.

Sorry, I rambled.

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Dear Michael,

I think like the first date is a business interview they're looking you over seeing if they like how you look, so keep the first date short and have something to do, like shooting pool or ordering lunch, seriously it can be half an hour to an hour long. Don't tell them about all your problems, we all have problems, and we don't tell them to people when we are just meeting them. If it start's to get serious then you tell them. Like if you start seeing more and more of the person and she is returing your phone calls, then you might want to tell her, and hope it won't scare her off. Like don't go into all the details of it, that is something that comes with time after just telling the person you have the disorder, just like tell her some details like, your house is really clean, and you do all your laundry every chance you get, she'll like that.

You want to put it in the best possible light, or you'll scare her off.

You see dating women is just like getting a job and keeping it, you go to the interview ( that is the first date), after that you work hard to show there is nothing wrong with you and you can hold up your end of the bargin (That is showing her a good time, and having good converstion with her.) Later you tell people at work your religious beliefes or something personal about yourself like you care about NARSAD National research for schizophrenia, bipolar and depression, (That is when you are getting more serious in the relationship and you start teling her you have a mental illness you're not perfect, but you manage it well.) Trust me if she likes how you look that is half the battle, but it is like getting a job it is very similar.

This is all my own opinion, you might hear different opinions, but this is what makes sense to me.

It is hard for me to date people, I think I am attractive, even at three hundred pounds, and I think women like talking to me, like most of them think it is at least a little funny if I walk up to them and start talking to them, but there that means they like it. I know some people don't want to be bothered but other's don't mind.

I get nervous just walking up to strangers and talking to them, like I might not know what to say, but I just tell myself, I got to meet people, and the only way to do that is to talk to strangers, and I pick out the good looking ones usually.

A lot of times they might be married or in a serious relationship, but really, they might know someone who isn't and if they like me, they might introduce me to them, or I could meet their husband and make a friend that way. Like when you go shopping you can try out your social skills there

So just try to meet people it is important to not being alone it really is.

Sincerely,

Thomas