Dating and getting into relationships

[michaelj77]

Hi All,
What I would like to know is your response to the above topic. I'm someone who is keen to be in a relationship and to date someone and possibly get married. But I've had this question - when should I tell my partner that I've had issues with OCD and depression? I feel its not right to totally hide the fact - and its not being honest too. This has made me think twice before I enter into a relationship.
But having said that no one is perfect, and we all have our faults. I think I suffer from a little self esteem problem in relating to a future partner. Is it right by her to have a partner who had depression? I know I may be a little hard on myself here.
So I would like to hear from married people, dating young adults who faced this issue - either you having depression or you're partner having it. What did you do? How did the other person feel? Does love cover these faults that it really doesn't matter? They say love heals many of these problems.
I know there are others out there who would have the same feelings and questions. So please reply!!
God bless you all!
Micheal

 

[marcb]

Great question.

My wife, God bless her, has been through everything with me. I didn't have to "disclose" my ocd to her, because it did not seem to be as bad when we were dating. We started dating over 12 years ago (wow that sounds crazy!) I also didn't have depression at that time and my ocd was "in check" as I was in college and found school and partying to be unhealthy outlets for my ocd. So it was off the radar.

I didn't realize I had a problem with ocd/depression until a little over a year ago. At that time, my wife was incredibly supportive. We learned a lot together, and a lot of things started to make sense. The most important thing is that it is being dealt with through increasingly trusting God for all things, meds, and therapy (this forum and working on not working on thoughts).

In your situation, I think a relationship will help put a little distance between yourself and the depression as long as you are not looking for someone to "fix" you (and that doesn't sound like the case). In a healthy relationship, you surrender a bit of "self" which will put some distance between you and your troubles, but I hope you are working on that anyway (meds, therapy).

As far as disclosing your depression..... It's probably not a first date conversation, nor something that should be emphasized in my opinion. Everybody has struggles. Your future partner will too. I think these issues will naturally come up as you get to know eachother, but don't bury it altogether. That's just my opinion.

Pray for your future spouse. God already knows who she is....

Marc

 

[Bianca01]

Hi,

I think part of dating involves slowly getting to know each other and building trust with a person. So, don't put pressure on yourself to disclose information you're not ready to share. If you've been on eight dates and it looks promising, bring it up. A good way to bring it up is to start with something like, "Do you know how many celebrities have OCD, like Billy Bob Thorton and Harrison Ford for example?" Then see their reaction. Discuss OCD, what it is. "It's more common than you think..."

Hope this helps.

 

[gracealone]

HI Michael,
I think you will really know when it's time to talk about your OCD with someone you date. It will happen if you begin to get serious about making a committment to them. I got married very young and my OCD/Panic disorder wasn't a big issue until after I began having children. My husband and I have learned about it together. He also has an illness that caused him to have to go on disability. We accept one another's weaknesses and it doesn't diminish our love and committment to each other at all. We've been married 30 years.
Interestingly enough when our son met the girl he wanted to marry it turned out that she had a lot of the same problems with anxiety that I do. When she decided to open up about it to him, he was able to just smile and tell her.. OH, I know all about that kind of thing, you are just like my Mom. She then opened up to me and I was able to share with her all about my disorder and how God has helped me to learn to live with it. She was able to then get on some meds. and she's doing very well now. They've been married for 2 years now and are working toward going into full time ministry. I only tell you this to encourage you. If it's within God's plan for you to get married He will prepare your future spouse to be able to love you, support you and accept you just the way you are - OCD and all.
Blessings to you buddy,
Mitzi

 

[Bianca01]

This is good advice from everyone. Just take it slow. Don't talk too much about it at first.

 

[QUannie]

Pray and let the Holy Spirit lead you to tell when its time. He will also show you how much to tell each time you talk about it. I have made so many mistakes with rushing in confessing stuff .....you all probably can relate.....let the Lord lead, He never lets us down! Give her time to soak it in too!!!!
Just giving my 2 cents!

Q