Dating an unbeliever

[Cybz_91]

I'm up at 3am and crying because I really don't understand what to do. I mean I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and 8months, God called me back in the month of April this year and ever since I've been walking with God, but what Paul said about this yoking with unbelievers.

I became a believer again and he didn't, we are in the dating stage and a friend of mine said that since we are not married it should be easier to part from him. But I'm so confused because everytime I try to do without him circumstances show that I cannot, e.g this week I had absolutely no way to pay my rent and I knew that he might be the only one I could ask for such an amount of money from. Things like these happen every time I try to push him away.

I feel like God won't and can't bless my life until I make the choice. I already tried to break up with him this week, giving something else as an excuse, we didn't see each other for 2 days and when we did he was crying and telling me that he loved me and needed me (he NEVER cries) and he's going through so much trouble in his life at the moment. He's a bit of a loner and doesn't have many friends and any good friend. I've been his best friend, I just want to be friends with him at this moment but he keeps taking it as I'm in love with someone else. Please can someone tell me what to do especially if you have experienced the same thing? It's killing me inside and I'm miserable about it because I want God to know that I love Him first! =(

 

[23rdbk5417]

Ok days later? Any conclusion? What's the verdict?

 

[23rdbk5417]

I see the christian form world didn't respond via your post, so didn't know if you have the answers your looking for yet or not. I have advice but will refrain if your good. : )

 

[Eurasia]

Hi there,

I had the same problem as you.. I was dating an unbeliever..I would ask God what are you thinking?..cos the guy asked me out first.. anyway, eventually I asked him to go to church with me.. which he was hesistant at the start.. Anyway.. upon the first visit he accepted Jesus.. which is amazing.. he comes along to church with me now every week.. so it is a positive.. Just wanted to encourage u to hang in there.. be strong.. continue to pray for your bf.. ask him to come to church with u.. and u could even read the bible to him.. That is how we come to have faith through reading the Bible out loud.. Hope it works out for u.. God Bless.

 

[dayhiker]

Tell,him about your concerns with you being a Christians and him not being. That its a big deal because God is a big part of your life and you don't want him coming between you and God. Ya, Paul makes it pretty clear we aren't to marry unbelievers. Of course in those days they were idol worshipers. Today the unbeliever is usually secular. He can't respnd honestly if you don't give him an honest reason for your concerns and thoughts.

 

[BFine]

I'm up at 3am and crying because I really don't understand what to do. I mean I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and 8months, God called me back in the month of April this year and ever since I've been walking with God, but what Paul said about this yoking with unbelievers.

I became a believer again and he didn't, we are in the dating stage and a friend of mine said that since we are not married it should be easier to part from him. But I'm so confused because everytime I try to do without him circumstances show that I cannot, e.g this week I had absolutely no way to pay my rent and I knew that he might be the only one I could ask for such an amount of money from. Things like these happen every time I try to push him away.

*Just make sure your repay the money you borrowed from him otherwise it may lead him to believe you are hanging on to him because he will lend you
money. Telling him you can't date him because he's not a Christian but borrowing money from him whenever you are low of funds could be confusing to him.
I would suggest that you make a budget and stick to it, make cutbacks as needed so you can pay your bills. It maybe helpful if you get a female roommate to share expenses?

I feel like God won't and can't bless my life until I make the choice. I already tried to break up with him this week, giving something else as an excuse, we didn't see each other for 2 days and when we did he was crying and telling me that he loved me and needed me (he NEVER cries) and he's going through so much trouble in his life at the moment. He's a bit of a loner and doesn't have many friends and any good friend. I've been his best friend, I just want to be friends with him at this moment but he keeps taking it as I'm in love with someone else. Please can someone tell me what to do especially if you have experienced the same thing? It's killing me inside and I'm miserable about it because I want God to know that I love Him first! =(

*Stop making excuses, sit down and talk with your boyfriend about your feelings and why you aren't going to date him.

You are in love with someone else-- Jesus!
Tell your bf about the love you have for the Lord and that you want to honor the Lord in all that you do, since you asked Him to be your Lord and Savior.
You show love for the Lord by how you uphold His standards, how you love others and by how you allow your "light" to shine in a dark world.

I would also ask why you are breaking up with your boyfriend?
Has he shown contempt for your new faith and forced you to choose between your new faith and being with him?

Is he trying get you to have sex with him?

Or did the Lord reveal to you that you should break up with your boyfriend?

 

[CutiePi]

Hi there... I wasnt planning on posting and was just going to lurk around the forum for ages but I saw your post and couldnt help but answer - even thought it looks as if you maybe haven't been back to the forum for ages...

First of all... tell him the truth. Tell him the real reason why you felt that you could not be with him any longer. If you did go through with the break-up, he would at least deserve the real reason.

Second... Why would you break up with him?? It didnt sound as if he was giving you an all-or-nothing ultimatum, nor did it sound as if he was trying to pull you away from God.

True story here - When I first met and became friends with my boyfriend... I absolutely HATED anything to do with Christianity, church, etc. But I was also a bit curious as to why a 'normal' person studying engineering (intelligent) would believe... so we talked for hours on end about it... eventually started dating... almost 10 months later, here I am... and it was only a very few weeks/months ago that I was even comfortable applying the term 'christian' to myself.
So who knows - maybe if you tell him the real reason, and answer any questions in a 'non-pushy' way, he will become curious and go from there. But I would say don't pressure him to come to church or read the bible or anything... any changes he makes in his beliefs/life need to be from him... not because of/for you...

Also... my boyfriend did have concerns that he was dating a non-christian... but he told me that he prayed about it and asked God that if us dating was not His will, that our relationship would end before it got to the point where it was incredibly painful for both of us... and again... here we are 10 months later.

So... in general... I think that the whole 'not dating non-christians' thing is different in different people's cases... for some people it definitely works. I would probably still be somewhere in atheist/agnostic/pagan without my boyfriend. A lot of the discussions that we had that have helped to bring me here would not have happened outside the context of a romantic relationship simply because of how private I still am about my spirituality.


sorry for the long story - I just wanted to show how there is not necessarily (sometimes though it might be) any need to end the relationship over christian/non-christian, and that it can work out. Pray about it and see what happens. Good luck.

 

[wheymore]

1 Corinthians 7:
[13] If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
[14] For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy.

Just as you have different hobbies, you can have different beliefs. Though the quoted passage applies to marriage, I don't see why it can't be interpreted to an otherwise happy relationship. If you believe in God, then love God. If he doesn't, what does that do to you that changes that? IMO, nothing.

Carry on happily.

 

[elenore]

do you love God more then him?

 

[MrMoe]

I have a similar problem. I really like a girl but don't know if shes christian. I have these thoughts of being married to her and having normal life. I know if I pin my hopes for happiness in a girlfriend instead of Jesus I'm setting myself up for a fall. But I can't tell if these thoughts are vain fantasies or thoughts from God. I don't think its lust, believe me I know lust when I feel it and this ain't lust.

 

[Keturah Nikole]

I have a similar problem. I really like a girl but don't know if shes christian. I have these thoughts of being married to her and having normal life. I know if I pin my hopes for happiness in a girlfriend instead of Jesus I'm setting myself up for a fall. But I can't tell if these thoughts are vain fantasies or thoughts from God. I don't think its lust, believe me I know lust when I feel it and this ain't lust.

Have you tried asking her if she's a Christian? And if she's not, have you asked her why not and if she'd come to church with you?

 

[Keturah Nikole]

1 Corinthians 7:
[13] If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
[14] For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy.

Carry on happily.

If you look at the context of this passage, which is something we must ALWAYS done when using scripture to back up our thinking, the passage is referring to a situation where 2 unbelievers got married and during that marriage, 1 of them got saved.
That being said, I don't believe that this passage applies to the OP's situation.