Dating after 30

[MehGuy]

I know plenty of 30-40 year old men who have married 19-20 year old girls.

They are loyal and submissive, full of ditz and life.

Adolf Hitler thought this was the best method for having a relationship. Be with a fun loving ditz who won't get in your way.

 

[Morn2000]

I feel that if you dream big for yourself, believe for it than Gid will bring it your way. Your mind set of dating after 30 and how it sucks is limiting such an awesome God. Take the limits off Him. Keep your visions-what you're beliving for in front of you.

 

[Morn2000]

I hit post by accident. The book of Proverbs tells us that "Where there is no vision the people will perish"

Here is an interesting read, it can apply to anything you're beliving for...a loving partner...house in the country...new job etc.

"In the Scripture, Zerubbabble wanted to rebuild the temple. He laid the foundation, but then the people came against him and made him stop. For ten years no work was done. One day the prophet Zechariah came by and told him to do something interesting. He said, "go get the headstone." The headstone was reserved to be the last piece of stone that went into the building. It was symbolic. It represented the finished product.

Why was it important for Zerubbabble to keep the headstone in front of him? Because every time he looked at the head stone it was a reminder that God would finish what He started. When he was discouraged, tired and thought it was impossible to finish the job, he would go over and look at the head stone. That was God saying to him " I am in control, I am going to bring it to pass, just stay in faith."

 

[redblue22]

So you think I have a chance with that 18 year old?

 

[lunalinda]

I find it difficult to date PERIOD. I haven't been on a real date in years. Now that I'm my 30s, it's certainly maddening. I can't believe I actually MISS those nervous moments that used to always be so jarring. Those stupid little conversations that keep you late up at night, the jitters you get wondering over a first kiss or holding hands or whatever else. Now I feel too old for that stuff, since I'm of the mindset of "get married," not date. And yet, how can I get married unless I go on a date first? I feel like I haven't been a part of the dating world as fully as everyone else has. I'm a late bloomer.

When it comes to the kids thing, I don't know how I feel about somebody who has kids, as it never was a situation I was involved in. I would imagine that sometimes I'd worry about "baby mama drama," assuming the ex is still alive. I would find myself thinking that, well, no matter what new thing I can build with this man, he'll have already had it with someone else. It would make me wonder what could he have with ME that he hasn't had already? And yep, that includes physically. When it comes to saving yourself, it's definitely rare nowadays (sometimes even frowned upon). I still am a strong adherent to it myself, though. Almost everything I've shared with men has caused me to become so attached to them, which makes for a more painful heartbreak if it doesn't work out. That's essentially a big reason why I have chosen not to do the deed. It's the one thing I have left to offer that's never been offered to anyone. And while I don't expect whatever future mate to be in the same boat, I still hope that my very rare choice can be respected.

For me, what I hate is that practically everyone in my generation have husbands, kids, and the whole lot. Everyone's pregnant or have just had babies or whatever. And I'm just...here. Waiting on the Lord. Wondering what He wants from me. Wondering what He's waiting for. Trusting as best as I can. Not easy at all, but as of now, the only option I have left.

 

[MehGuy]

So you think I have a chance with that 18 year old?

Yes. And if you lived in Biblical times, maybe even younger..

Honestly it's a travesty you did not live in the Biblical times.. You totally should have been in the Bible.

 

[Unix]

I found very interesting and interested or beautiful girlfriends until I was that age. It really didn't take me long at all to get them interested, little more than a Week and they were my girlfriend:

For those who find dating after 30 so difficult....how great was it before 30? I tend to find those that were always comfortable with it don't have any problem regardless of age. I don't think it is an age thing. It might be more about less time to date or your interests have become better defined.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Wow at some of the comments in this thread! Your 30's will be what you make them. My 30's were amazing. I was in a whole new phase of my life. I met a lot of people and enjoyed life as it came. Oh wait...I'm doing that now too LOL. Don't get stuck by a number/age. Many times there are possibilities all around you. Pray and change your attitude. Ask the Lord to open your eyes to the possibilities around you. I'm a firm believer in friendship and if you choose, see what can blossom from there. Make friends (yes plural) first.

 

[redblue22]

I find it difficult to date PERIOD. I haven't been on a real date in years. Now that I'm my 30s, it's certainly maddening. I can't believe I actually MISS those nervous moments that used to always be so jarring. Those stupid little conversations that keep you late up at night, the jitters you get wondering over a first kiss or holding hands or whatever else. Now I feel too old for that stuff, since I'm of the mindset of "get married," not date. And yet, how can I get married unless I go on a date first? I feel like I haven't been a part of the dating world as fully as everyone else has. I'm a late bloomer.

When it comes to the kids thing, I don't know how I feel about somebody who has kids, as it never was a situation I was involved in. I would imagine that sometimes I'd worry about "baby mama drama," assuming the ex is still alive. I would find myself thinking that, well, no matter what new thing I can build with this man, he'll have already had it with someone else. It would make me wonder what could he have with ME that he hasn't had already? And yep, that includes physically. When it comes to saving yourself, it's definitely rare nowadays (sometimes even frowned upon). I still am a strong adherent to it myself, though. Almost everything I've shared with men has caused me to become so attached to them, which makes for a more painful heartbreak if it doesn't work out. That's essentially a big reason why I have chosen not to do the deed. It's the one thing I have left to offer that's never been offered to anyone. And while I don't expect whatever future mate to be in the same boat, I still hope that my very rare choice can be respected.

For me, what I hate is that practically everyone in my generation have husbands, kids, and the whole lot. Everyone's pregnant or have just had babies or whatever. And I'm just...here. Waiting on the Lord. Wondering what He wants from me. Wondering what He's waiting for. Trusting as best as I can. Not easy at all, but as of now, the only option I have left.

When should I pick you up?

 

[dayhiker]

I think Quietpraiyze hit the nail on the head. If one isn't satisfied with sitting at home, there is a hole lot going on out there that one can join.
It really doesn't matter what one's age is. There are ways to find it. Well, unless your living in a small town miles from anywhere. I've round so much going on where I live that I can't begin to do even half of it. That's not including all the traveling I'd like to do.

 

[Unix]

Unavoidably someone was gonna say that, quietpraiyze! And much more emphatically I beg to differ: I have never wanted and never will want more friends than I can handle well. Friendship is not genuine when You collect friends and it's YOU, quietpraiyze who are thinking in numbers only. You put great emphasis on having as many friends as possible.
I put the emphasis on what my interests are. Wednesday morning I held a sermon at uni on this topic about dating and interests. I might post the sermon here if anyone is interested? In the sermon I was pondering also about distances, being a consumer, and whether one should take a better partner who is an unbeliever if not finding a believer:

Many times there are possibilities all around you. Pray and change your attitude. Ask the Lord to open your eyes to the possibilities around you. I'm a firm believer in friendship and if you choose, see what can blossom from there. Make friends (yes plural) first.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Unavoidably someone was gonna say that, quietpraiyze! And much more emphatically I beg to differ: I have never wanted and never will want more friends than I can handle well. Friendship is not genuine when You collect friends and it's YOU, quietpraiyze who are thinking in numbers only. You put great emphasis on having as many friends as possible.
I put the emphasis on what my interests are. Wednesday morning I held a sermon at uni on this topic about dating and interests. I might post the sermon here if anyone is interested? In the sermon I was pondering also about distances, being a consumer, and whether one should take a better partner who is an unbeliever if not finding a believer:

My goodness calm down! Who says you have to have more friends than you can handle well? I don't collect people and it's an insult for you to even imply such. Everybody can't be my friend. I take friendship VERY serious. You don't know what I'm thinking because you didn't ask. So please don't make assumptions. I've seen a lot of single people on this forum in particular talk about how they can't find anyone to date and then despise friendship with the opposite sex. That doesn't make sense to me because when you're Born Again what can you really have with a person of the opposite sex in Christ? Unless you have other motives outside of Christ, then friendship seems like a healthy godly option for a Believer. Of course people have friendships based on interest. What are you talking about? People build friendships based on just about anything. Also like dayhiker said, I could see if you live in a very small town away from everything how that could be a problem but no I don't see friendship...real friendship being the problem. I stand by my post.

 

[redblue22]

.

 

[yam]

Dating after 30s does not suck. Since when is 30 old, there is nothing impossible with God.

 

[Unix]

I'll believe You do if You'll state that You've talked or emailed with each of Your friends for a thousand hours. I've done that for at least a couple of thousand of hours with my best friend without even actually living together with her! She said that despite of all she'd never forget me if I would leave the friendship (I'm not going to abandon her). The very few times she's thought of leaving the friendship I've been able to give arguments for why she shouldn't leave. She says that the interest in nature (and animals) we share would be a bit boring if she would not have me as a friend. Due to a very uncommon phobia she frequently goes to the nature and gravel roads. She thinks I'm helpful. No, I don't communicate with her a lot on her cell-phone. Are Your friends like that?:

I take friendship VERY serious.

 

[GQ Chris]

Immortan Joe had a nubile harem.

 

[Sir Robbins]

I feel it can go one of two ways and it depends on your reasoning and circumstances. If you are 30 and have NEVER dated in your life, I imagine it can be rough. People will wonder why you waited so long. If it is due to school, work, building a career and such, you may get by. If not, there may not be an excuse worth giving. If you dated throughout your 20s and still are, some may wonder if you are looking in the wrong places and such. It depends on several factors. Don't be like me and be the one who has never dated. I've been ridiculed for it at just 25 years old and being told I'm a lost cause. Those are from college people in churches. I feel churches are siding more with society each passing year. That's another subject though

 

[CCHIPSS]

I find it difficult to date PERIOD. I haven't been on a real date in years. Now that I'm my 30s, it's certainly maddening. I can't believe I actually MISS those nervous moments that used to always be so jarring. Those stupid little conversations that keep you late up at night, the jitters you get wondering over a first kiss or holding hands or whatever else. Now I feel too old for that stuff, since I'm of the mindset of "get married," not date. And yet, how can I get married unless I go on a date first? I feel like I haven't been a part of the dating world as fully as everyone else has. I'm a late bloomer.

When it comes to the kids thing, I don't know how I feel about somebody who has kids, as it never was a situation I was involved in. I would imagine that sometimes I'd worry about "baby mama drama," assuming the ex is still alive. I would find myself thinking that, well, no matter what new thing I can build with this man, he'll have already had it with someone else. It would make me wonder what could he have with ME that he hasn't had already? And yep, that includes physically. When it comes to saving yourself, it's definitely rare nowadays (sometimes even frowned upon). I still am a strong adherent to it myself, though. Almost everything I've shared with men has caused me to become so attached to them, which makes for a more painful heartbreak if it doesn't work out. That's essentially a big reason why I have chosen not to do the deed. It's the one thing I have left to offer that's never been offered to anyone. And while I don't expect whatever future mate to be in the same boat, I still hope that my very rare choice can be respected.

For me, what I hate is that practically everyone in my generation have husbands, kids, and the whole lot. Everyone's pregnant or have just had babies or whatever. And I'm just...here. Waiting on the Lord. Wondering what He wants from me. Wondering what He's waiting for. Trusting as best as I can. Not easy at all, but as of now, the only option I have left.

Thanks a lot for sharing! It is rare for me to hear the story from the female side with such detail.

It is cool to know that the ladies feels just as nervous as the guys. I had been having some back luck in dating with a few ladies. So almost all the time the it feels that while I am interested and want to get the know the lady, she would put up a huge stone wall to tell me she isn't. It seems she isn't interested and doesn't need me from the get go. I guess I just hasn't met one who is seriously interested in me (except for my ex).

Yes no one can get married without dating first.

I am 32 and I too has saved myself for my wife. I too wonder if she will appreciate it, given that a great majority of the ladies at 30 has done it before. And I also wonder how she will compare my "performance" with her ex's. A lot of of ladies, especially the beautiful ones, dated hot guys when they were younger. The "He is he, you are you" rule applies. However fact is it is common for the ladies to think of their ex (the hot, tall, muscular one) in their head when coming together with their husband/partner. My future wife might never tell me (of course she won't!) and I might never find out. But I do worry and think about this sometimes. The thought that my future wife (if she isn't a virgin) is forever one with another man does hurt me. However if even non-believers forgives this, and Jesus forgave all of my sins (I am very far from perfect), I have no reason not to forgive.

Most of my friends are either dating or married. Many of them are much younger than me (25-27ish). I do feel that I am falling behind.

 

[blackribbon]

I too wonder if she will appreciate it, given that a great majority of the ladies at 30 has done it before. And I also wonder how she will compare my "performance" with her ex's. A lot of of ladies, especially the beautiful ones, dated hot guys when they were younger. The "He is he, you are you" rule applies. However fact is it is common for the ladies to think of their ex (the hot, tall, muscular one) in their head when coming together with their husband/partner. My future wife might never tell me (of course she won't!) and I might never find out. But I do worry and think about this sometimes. The thought that my future wife (if she isn't a virgin) is forever one with another man does hurt me. However if even non-believers forgives this, and Jesus forgave all of my sins (I am very far from perfect), I have no reason not to forgive.

Most of my friends are either dating or married. Many of them are much younger than me (25-27ish). I do feel that I am falling behind.

If a woman is truly in love with her man and feels loved by him, she is entirely with THAT man. Performance isn't as important as true intimacy. When you hear about a woman fantasizing about another man, then understand she isn't fully into the relationship...either she didn't love the man she is with or she doesn't feel loved by him anymore. I think more men ruin the relationship by worrying about performance over relationship. A unsuccessful night of sex that ends in closeness, giggles, and connection is much better than watching a man try to go through some weird ritual of what he thinks a woman wants...(trust me, that often ends with the woman lying there thinking "is he ever going to finish?") A woman wants to know that any man that she allows into her body is also connected to her mind and her heart.

And if most of your friends are younger than you, it actually works in your favor because that will keep you connected with women who are also younger than you ...

 

[Tom Mix]

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16 (NKJV)