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Dating Advice
- Thread starter lionheart1010
- Start date
briareos
Well-Known Member
- Mar 11, 2011
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If you feel that way then that is probably what actually happened. Trust your instincts, regardless of how good he is or how fond of him you are.
You already feel like you can't tell him how you really feel like, and what you really want, you already feel used, you already feel like you dont want what he does but don't know how to stop it.
This is not a good place for you to be, he may be a good person but he is immature, he may be your friend but he is still immature. You shouldn't be in this place to begin with.
If he is truley your friend then he will appreciate you being honest with him and he will appreciate you just telling him the truth.
He kissed you even though it wasn't what you wanted to happen, don't feel bad about telling him something he doesn't want to hear.
If he is your friend, if he is mature he wont mind... if hes not, then you don't need get anywhere near a relationship with him which means again.. you need to tell him.
Be nice, just tell him that isn't what you wanted to happen and that that isnt the relationship you want to have with him. If he becomes upset and pushes for answers or more then he's immature and not a person you need very close to you.
No matter what you should be able to tell what you feel. I am sure he's a wonderful person, but he isn't very mature and your relationship isn't very healthy. You feel taken advantage of and that you can't really express yourself, that's not good.
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BFine
Seed Planter
Just let him know what you shared with us on this forum.
There's no nice way to say "I"m not interested."
It will hurt the other party regardless, rejection doesn't
feel good but with the Lord's help we can heal and move on.
It's part of maturing-- we learn to deal with the good and the bad.
There's no nice way to say "I"m not interested."
It will hurt the other party regardless, rejection doesn't
feel good but with the Lord's help we can heal and move on.
It's part of maturing-- we learn to deal with the good and the bad.
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Pal Handy
Irregular Member
Be honest.
Tell him how you feel.
Perhaps you can keep the friendship but that depends on his
desire for the relationship and if he wants it to grow deeper.
He he wants to go deeper and you do not, what common ground would you have for a simple friendship?
His actions show he wants more and your regret shows you are not
interested so face the fact that this relationship may have to end.
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What do you mean by felt forced? I can think of several ways to interpret that and your comments give no indication. My first thought as to what you meant was that it just didn't feel as if it came naturally. The first time I kissed my wife it didn't feel natural but rather it did feel forced. Over time that changed.
The only clear thing is you are not interested in a relationship. While there is no easy way to reject someone I think phrasing along the lines of "Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea the other day but I'm not actually interested in that kind of relationship". Even if you don't feel you were misleading it can help to phrase things this way.
The only clear thing is you are not interested in a relationship. While there is no easy way to reject someone I think phrasing along the lines of "Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea the other day but I'm not actually interested in that kind of relationship". Even if you don't feel you were misleading it can help to phrase things this way.
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Ark100
The Lord is my Refuge
Not sure why you need help with this? Its as easy as A B C
Let your no be NO
Let your yes be YES
You have to be assertive with men, mean what you say and say what you mean with everyone.
You need to comport yourself in a graceful, respectful manner at all times that people will see that right through you and they will not feed you garbage.
You are a child of the most High. You should know this, and God wants the best for you. You should not be at a stage where you dont know who started the kiss, who forced it and you not being able to resist or say NO.
Self-discipline, Self-control and self-respect goes a long way.
Just give it to him straight. He is not going to kill or hurt you for turning him down.
This will help you in the long run with a lot of people.
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Forealzchola
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- Sep 4, 2006
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Tell him you arent interested in dating anyone at all right now if you want to break it in a nice way but you might have to limit your activity with him if he still thinks hes going to have the right to still try and kiss on you and stuff.
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What you can't do is do the hammerdance all over this guys emotions. If he forced it, you should have pulled away. You not pulling away indicates you are interested and he's read it as such. Not that I blame you, because he shares as much culpability, but it's where you go next thats important.
Obviously, you need to tell him you're not interested, but what you can't then do after that is string the guy along and say you are interested and then not. If you are not interested, your actions and interaction with him need to convey this. This means that you don't let him pay for everything, you don't spend hours alone together, you don't call him and say things like "why can't guys be like you" and that sort of thing because it will mess with his head. And I know you (probably) won't do that intentionally (although a lot of women do) but it may be that how you interact with him could be seen by him as giving mixed signals/being interested. So even if you are flattered by the attention or it gives a little ego boost when you aren't feeling so confident or whatever, don't string the guy along.
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Oh no!!!
It's amazing how guys forget Jesus when there's an attractive woman around.
Just apologize for not firmly rejecting that advance outright, and say you don't want a relationship. This stuff happens, people are horny, that's why you should really not be alone together in situations like that. Next time, have a friend around.
If he takes it all badly and starts trying to be manipulative or is all one-sided and pins all the blame on you: he's a dick. He should have got permission first anyway before he made a move. You don't just touch someone's property - including their body - until terms are established.
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Thankyou all for your reply... I appreciate your honesty.
Just for this person - i do appreciate your reply, but you have used some strong language here, and I actually feel it was too strong for me at this point. I am a young woman, I realise there are things I need to work on, I'm not perfect.
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Yeah there is: like that.
A decisive and explicit rejection is *way* kinder than leaving him puzzled like an idiot wondering what he's done wrong, why he's suddenly getting the cold shoulder treatment, why she's not interested anymore, etc.
Don't be a coward. Be a woman.
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depends on what you mean by nice. personally i think most guys don't like rejection simply because they are human. I was once asked if someone were breaking up with me would i prefer to see it coming or prefer it to be out of the blue. After careful consideration I answered neither. If by nice you mean what is better in the long run then yes that is a nice way of putting it but according to most peoples definition of nice then there is no nice way. just a better way.
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As I read through all the threads in this community, I can't help but shift my attention from the content to the Reps and power numbers of these members. It's incredibly humiliating and makes me feel inadequate to this community. I'm almost ashamed to offer any input into this thread based on the sheer fact I'm just some newcomer.
I can't relate to the original post as no one has ever forced a kiss unto me, but I'd recommend being as truthful as possible with him so as you don't lead him into thinking there's a possibility of a romantic future with you. Whether it's of moral romanticism or the good ole' fashioned 'puppy love' - that I unfortunately never had the opportunity to embrace - is irrelevant in this case. I think it's pretty clear you do not want your relationship to be categorized as anything more serious then casual Christian buddies. I know you've deleted your original post, but the lass who quoted you and responded to you provided me with the original post in case you were wondering. I know I would have been. But that's because I'm neurotic. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble generating interest in any potential companion I come across. Or perhaps it's because I'm long-winded and utterly obsessed with truth that has eluded me for quite some time.
I also agree that one poster came on a little strong with her language. Yikes. It reminded me of my older sister. Her heart is seemingly in the right place from what I can gather. That poster, not my older sister. My older sister is a cold, stuck-up wench.
I can't relate to the original post as no one has ever forced a kiss unto me, but I'd recommend being as truthful as possible with him so as you don't lead him into thinking there's a possibility of a romantic future with you. Whether it's of moral romanticism or the good ole' fashioned 'puppy love' - that I unfortunately never had the opportunity to embrace - is irrelevant in this case. I think it's pretty clear you do not want your relationship to be categorized as anything more serious then casual Christian buddies. I know you've deleted your original post, but the lass who quoted you and responded to you provided me with the original post in case you were wondering. I know I would have been. But that's because I'm neurotic. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble generating interest in any potential companion I come across. Or perhaps it's because I'm long-winded and utterly obsessed with truth that has eluded me for quite some time.
I also agree that one poster came on a little strong with her language. Yikes. It reminded me of my older sister. Her heart is seemingly in the right place from what I can gather. That poster, not my older sister. My older sister is a cold, stuck-up wench.
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The following is nice:
"I don't want a relationship with you. I don't hate you and don't assume it's your fault or that you're not good enough for me or anything like that, but I'm just not interested in you that way. I'll let you know if I change my mind. I know we kissed the other night, but I had mixed feelings about it and to be honest I don't want to go any further. Sorry if you've got your hopes up. Do you want to be just friends?"
I can't get over how he just kissed her like that. No getting her permission, no establishing whether he's in an intimate relationship with her or not beforehand. What a joker.
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yet it works for some people and they have no problem with that. Life is not a one size solution fits all.
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jminnesota
Newbie
tell him you just want to be friends and your not interested in being more at this time. if he is a good christian man he would understand and respect you.
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S
susyan
Guest
"I would like for us to be friends, can we remain friends? I am more comfortable being friends with you" 
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