Dating a non-Christian

[GrahamAtPikeville]

I am a 21 year old college student and have been a Christian for almost 5 years. I recently started dating a girl who is not a Christian. I tried to witness to her a week ago, but she just explained to me how she doesn't know what she belives sometimes and how she's not sure if she's ready. I don't know what I should do... I know the Bible says Do not be yolked with unbelievers. I'm afraid that if I break up with her, she'll never give Christianity a second thought... or if I come on too strong, she'll be driven away. Any and all posts are welcome!

P.S. Please forgive any spelling/grammar errors <

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Well for starters, I wouldn't classify 'dating' as being yoked.
Are you dating her because you like her or are you dating her because you want her to come to Christ?
If you are dating her because you like her then don't worry about 'preaching' , just enjoy each others company and you'll find that your actions will speak volumes more than any words can.
And in the course of time she may ask questions if she is interested.
Because only God knows what's in her heart. Just check with God as to how much verbal witnessing He wants you to do.

But if your aggenda is to bring her to christ then to her then she will see that your focus is not about her but about her salvation and that is not very romantic is it .


I learnt something a few years ago that has helped me enormously, I was not made by God to save the whole world, only those He directs me to.
So enjoy your relationship with her and let your light shine through the way you treat her.

 

[Protestant Minister]

Your message seems to indicate that you think that the purpose of dating is to witness to people.If that's the case,you're going to feel pressured into adopting an overwhemingly busy social life.It's actually counter-productiive to try to save people by dating them.Almost all dating relationships end and it's very common for new converts to turn their back on God out of anger toward the person who brought God into their life and then dumped them.They frequently blame Christianity for their ex's behavior.

The next question that needs to be answered is why date at all?The purpose of dating in our society seems to be to drag your date for the night into a wordly flesh cesspool of every imaginable perversion ever created by mankind. during the entire history of the world.Just going to a movie will expose you to moral sickness the people in Sodam never even dreamed of doing.Look will you just realize this one thing: you are living in the most sin-ridden society in the entire history of the world.Why would any Christian want to take girls out to have "fun" in Satan's playground? Christians aren't supposed to be into moral perversion.Try living your social life by this biblical teaching : HE WHO LOVES THE WORLD IS AN ENEMY OF GOD.

What Christians should engage in is not dating activities but courtship activities ONLY WITH OTHER TRUE CHRISTIANS.This type of relationship is totally non-physical in nature and is engaged in at the homes of the parents of the couple to ensure that the relationship remains moral and does not expose the participants to the really satanic and perverted entertainment dating couples wallow around in.The purpose of a courtship relationship is to get to knoe others well and to engage in meaningful conversation.DO NOT TRY DOING THAT IN A NIGHT CLUB.If you open your mouth,someone may drop some drugs in it.Look willl you please get real? Real Christians are called by God to be in this satan-controlled society but not part of it.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Look willl you please get real?

You first !
So what you're saying is that Jesus should never had hung around all those worldly fleshy people in the cesspool as you call it.
Concidering that the world and everything in it belongs to God.

And the purpose of Christians is to show the world the correct way to date.

Real Christians are called by God to be in this satan-controlled society but not part of it.

And how dare you assume and judge his intentions, attitude and motives when he dates.

So I suggest you fearfully and judgingly stay at home out of the cesspool so you don't become infected with all the perversions out there and hide your candle under a bushel.
And other Christians will get on with the job of showing love and grace to the lost.

Oh yeah, this is just a suggestion and not some strict legalistic rule you should adhere to.
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added 19th March 2004

I have come back to add an apology to Protestant Minister for my harsh attack of Him. This is uncalled for and I do apolgise for my critical and judgmental behaviour toward you Protestant Minister. It is obvious that I do not agree with you on this subject, but there is no justifiable excuse for saying what I have, especially in public view. Sincere apologies.

Thanks be to God for confronting me on this issue. Hope to do better as time goes on.

 

[marc]

I am a 21 year old college student and have been a Christian for almost 5 years. I recently started dating a girl who is not a Christian. I tried to witness to her a week ago, but she just explained to me how she doesn't know what she belives sometimes and how she's not sure if she's ready. I don't know what I should do...

[b] I know the Bible says Do not be yolked[/b] [b]with unbelievers[/b]

. I'm afraid that if I break up with her, she'll never give Christianity a second thought... or if I come on too strong, she'll be driven away. Any and all posts are welcome!

P.S. Please forgive any spelling/grammar errors <

Well, this is not a difficult situation. You know what the bible says, so do it. You may not be "yoked" yet, but why are you dating? Isn't it so that you can become "yoked" to her?
If I had a dollar for everyone who said " I know what the bible says, but(I'd rather do it my way)" I'd have lots and lots of money to support missionaries. I can't tell you what to do, but you already know what God says.
As far as her being saved or not. Well, it's not up to you, if it was up to you or me heaven would be pretty empty. You job is only to preach the truth to her and love her as Christ does. You're job is not to convert her. Only the Holy Spirit can do that.
As for my personal opinion(with lots and lots of dating experience before I was saved) remove yourself from the relationship now! With all love and care for her feelings, remove yourself. You will be sorry if you don't. If she becomes a Christian it would be great, but that is not what usually happens.

In Christ

Marc
PS Have you prayed at length about it? I'm sure God will be very clear with you. He is not going to let you do something you shouldn't, but you have to ask. Knock and keep knocking.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Actually GrahamAtPikeville, I've changed my mind I totally agree with marc now.
Don't be yoked with unbelievers.
So don't go playing any team games with any non believing students.
Don't get a library card because I'm sure there will be non believers who have cards.
Don't have any friends who are non believers either.
Don't even swim in the same pool as them.
Don't register to vote (if they have that in America)because non believers will.
Um let's see...
Don't sign a rent agreement with a non believer.
Don't work for a company that is run by non believers.
Don't borrow money from a bank that is owned by non believers.
Don't invest in a company that has non believing share holders.
Don't sing your national anthem and stand for your country because non believers do.

And on a personal note, stop dating because we all know you just want to have sex and even if you don't, the non believers will corrupt you with their perverse lifestyles.
Save yourself, go home, lock the door and never come out, quick, before you become corrupted, go now !


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added 19th March 2004.

Sincere apologies marc for mocking your advice and faith.
Making a parody of your advice is not the thing to do to encourage unity between people. So, very sorry marc.
And sorry to everyone who came in here to help or seek help as my behaviour and attitude obviously doesn't help.

 

[marc]

Alternate carpark,

Are you here to help someone??????

 

[Alternate Carpark]

What can I help you with marc ??????

 

[HappyPrincess]

alternate Carpark: You seriously see NOTHING different between going out with friends in a various amount of ways, and participating in a relationship designed to find you the one that you will spend the rest of your life with? That is designed to find the one you will share oneness with?

 

[PottersClay]

I don't know what I should do... I know the Bible says Do not be yolked with unbelievers. I'm afraid that if I break up with her, she'll never give Christianity a second thought... or if I come on too strong, she'll be driven away.

Sometimes being obedient is difficult, but it does not make obedience optional.

I encourage you to do what you know to be right. I seriously doubt if you breaking up with her will cause her to turn her back on Christianity. Most people who call themselves Christians dont back up what they say they believe with what they do and you choosing to live what you believe is just as likely to gain her respect.

Even if that doesnt happen, you will have the knowledge that the Lord is pleased with your obedience in spite of the cost (that's what sacrifice is all about)

As for being able to witness to her, the truth is, witnessing to her just as friend is much more likely to result in her getting saved for the right reasons.

I hope this helps

"I will not offer to the Lord that which costs me nothing" 2 Sam 2:24​

​

 

[Alternate Carpark]

alternate Carpark: You seriously see NOTHING different between going out with friends in a various amount of ways, and participating in a relationship designed to find you the one that you will spend the rest of your life with? That is designed to find the one you will share oneness with?

Where did I say that going out with friends is the same as dating someone.

Ah, I see where you're coming from now HappyPrincess.
I see your point and the dating rituals must be completely different in America.IE Dating is designed to find a marriage partner.

I mean to be contemplating marriage on the first date would really spoil it for me. I mean trying to get to know someone and just enjoy their company
whilst I have this great big clipboard in my mind with a questionaire on it that I'm meant to fill in and score their marriage eligability doesn't really gel with me.
I suppose it could then boil down to ones belief of when one is yoked or not.
If you believe that dating is being yoked then by all means don't date unbelievers.

 

[Rage4Christ]

Graham
I hope you weren't scared off by those two-- there must be something going on between them, and they've inappropriately brought their baggage into your world.

And yet, that can work as a good example in your case.

You are brining your baggage into your relationships with others. Generally, this is not a good way to practice healthy boundaries.

Some advice--

first, accept yourself know that Christ has unconditional love for everyone. There isn't anything that God/Christ want's that he can't already get.

Accept and give unconditional love to others. Yet, don't take on their responsibilities.
From what you say, it sounds like you'd rather worry about her salvation and not your own.

Living in Christ is a "process." You can't be "saved" and then just end it there, you have to grow, learn, challenge yourself and reassess everything you believe all the time. Its the only way to have a strong and healthy relation with Christ.

Do you see where i'm getting at? You have enough on your plate to work on. To try to "fix other people" is really to avoid your own personal challenges.

To see people who think differently than you as a Yolk, strikes me as very unloving. You may think it is Christlike to lable and fear others, but I would urge you to feel empathy and seek simple understanding of others. It sounds like Judging this young girl is more comfortable to you than mere understanding and empathy.

Everyone likes unconditional love, respect and honest interest in their day to day activities. The same rule applies for relationships.

You may need to appologize to her, tell her you were projecting your own personal journey on her-- but that you haven't judged her, that you have an unconditional love and respect for her.. tHat is the best way to reveal Christ.