Dating a Divorced Dad

[IrishGob]

Anyone else out there dating a divorced man with children? (or guys out there who are divorced dads and are in a relationship?)

Luckily my boyfriend has a great relationship with his kids - sees them every Friday-Sat and every other weekend (Fri-Sun) as well as helps out in their classes during the week when he can. The kids are wonderful and we all adore eachother. Two girls ages 6 & 9 and a boy, 11. Their Mom even sent me an email thanking me for bringing so much love and joy into their lives. however, their Mom also had an affair with another man (who she ended up shacking up with and later marrying) but that's another story. (And the reason for my boyfriend's divorce, natch)

At any rate, just wondering if any of you can give me any advice. I have been with him a year and love him dearly. We have a great Christian relationship, take the kids to church (he ex doesn't go to church), and are best friends. It's just that it's not always easy.


Thanks for any advice you can share!

 

[Lbiagm]

If you truly love him and the kids then marry him.

 

[vibrant]

but if she has yet reach that point, there's no reason to pressure her into it like that. i've no advice, but congrats on your relationship! a loving guy, great kids, and a non-hostile ex-wife is certainly a blessing by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[pegatha]

Everything you've written so far sounds really positive, so I'm not sure what you're asking. Could you give some detail about what's bothering you?

 

[SirKenin]

Yeah, I don't see what advice is needed either? It sounded to me like you just wanted to share your very positive experience (and I'm happy for you )

 

[IrishGob]

Thanks for the feedback The issue is that I have never dated a man with kids before, & I guess sometimes I feel selfish and ashamed because I am not the one getting all the attention all the time They are sweet kids, but there are times we've had to change our plans, or he can't go somewhere with me because he has them, etc. I feel like a real jerk admitting this, especially since my boyfriend has been so wonderful in doing a great job to make things balanced - Making sure I never feel left out, etc.

I feel insecure about his ex wife sometimes as well. I know he has no feelings for her anymore, but I start thinking about them sharing so many things. The way he felt when he asked her to marry him, their wedding day, The 1st time they made love, the moment she told him she was having their 1st baby, etc.. and I feel so inadequate. Like there is no way he could ever love me like that, etc. He tells me he DID love her, but that it's over now and he loves ME. But it's still hard when I think of all that other stuff. God bless him, he's so wonderful and always encourages me to talk about my feelings and he is very reassuring. I hate his ex wife for what she did to him and I feel guilty about that as well. But I actually ended up planning her Honeymoon itinerary (hotels, car, pubs, etc) to Ireland with her new husband. I know the country well, and I felt that was my gift to show the kids that I was taking the "high road" and instead of talking bad about her, I actually reached out to her. I feel God told me to do that and although part of me really didn't want to, I did. My boyfriend thought it was a bit crazy, but thought it was a thoughtful gesture just the same and was proud that I was kind instead of bitter. Well, I still feel bitter about it.

Anyway, I'm getting off track - one issue at a time! ;-)

PS: Is there a forum here for people that are divorced or that are dating divorced men/women?

 

[pegatha]

I haven't been in your situation, but I think your mixed feelings are natural, and you seem to be handling everything with a lot of class. The Marriage Ministry forum here has a subforum called Divorced or Separated. Maybe they could give you some practical advice for dealing with your feelings.

 

[Lbiagm]

yea a Divorced and seperated forum and a ok ex-wife is neat.

 

[Lbiagm]

bump.

 

[Anduron]

Matthew 5:31-32
"It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement. But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

 

[Lbiagm]

ok and.

 

[vibrant]

Matthew 5:31-32
"It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement. But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

the adultery clause seems the case here -- "[and the wife] also had an affair with another man (who she ended up shacking up with and later marrying)."