Dates and Paying

[Drekkan85]

What's your position on paying for dates? I'm generally somewhat old fashioned and believe that I should pay for most things, if not everything during a date. Some women I know love it, some will argue about it. Wondering what your peoples opinions are vis-a-vis who pays on a date.

 

[Windmill]

The general rule should be dutch

 

[tyciol]

This depends on the girl and the type of dynamic we have. Traditional romances a guy pays. More friendly types, you split. With a nice dominant girl she can buy my food

 

[* kittie *]

Depends on the guy I guess. Seems like some get offended if the girl pays. If the guy is open to it, I'm pretty sure a lot of girls are open to paying also. That's why I'm thinking it goes back to being the guy's decision.

 

[Quoth]

The person who did the asking out should do the paying out. If a woman asks me on a date, I'm not opposed to that. However, why would you plan an event like a date if you're not planning on participating? If I don't have gas money, I don't ask girls if I can drive them all over creation.

In my experiences, some women will offer to help pay for the date because, truth be told, they're not really into the guy, and helping to pay for things makes it feel like it's more just friends hanging out. For many guys, myself included, paying for the date is something we've taken from our parents' wisdom and traditions, and it is a matter of pride for us.

What irritates me is when I see a couple on a date, and when it comes time to pay, the guy just slides the bill over to her automatically. If he can't afford to take her on a date, how's he going to afford to support her as a husband? The scenario could be different from what I apparently see, so I don't get into tirades about it, but I've never gone on a date without being sufficiently prepared to pay for everything.

 

[godsbassist]

I try to pay whenever I go out with a woman. If she argues it, then I just tell her she can pay next time. Even if she doesn't want to go out again, it's pretty disarming.

Generally speaking, though, as a guy if the bill comes you should really be sure you can pay it... in my mind it's kind of along the same lines of opening doors.

 

[JennyKatz]

All the guys I've dated have been the "I'm the man, so I'll pay" sorts, but it bugs me a bit. I understand that's the way they've been raised and they're very insistent about it, but it seems unfair. Why should the man have to give up all of his hard-earned money for the dates, when I'm equally employed and capable of contributing monetarily. As expensive as things are, it seems fair to split the cost of things. Also, I'm very independent, so I always feel like I'm mooching if I allow somebody to pay for my stuff.

 

[WileyCoyote]

I believe the man should pay for everything.

 

[20MoreMiles]

I don't see any reason why men should pay.



And anyone who does believes that they have to buy their lady's approval. Sorry but if i wanted that i'll go visit a prostitute.


It's a tradition that stems from a time (the 50's and before) when men made money and women often didn't, so there it made sense. Nowadays, men and women pretty much have equal opportunities and financial strengths, so it makes absolutely no sense for us to pay. Of course, there are exceptions, for instance when you surprise her and take her out for dinner or whatever. But when it's a date, why should the man pay? Just because she has boobs? Screw that. I always split the bill (not up to the cent, but just an easy amount that's sort of fair), and when you're having fun, women are more than happy to do so.

I don't like the idea of trading money for her liking me. I want her to fall for me, not for my wallet. Use your brain, men. Don't buy (literally) into traditions that are not applicable to current society anymore.

 

[ido]

I agree that whoever does the asking should do the paying. That said, I have never done the asking - at least for the first date. I did initiate a third date with the last guy I dated, tho - so, I paid. Once a committed relationship has been established, then I think it's fair to take turns or to split things more often.

 

[Quoth]

I don't see any reason why men should pay.
And anyone who does believes that they have to buy their lady's approval. Sorry but if i wanted that i'll go visit a prostitute.

Try not to insult us. Thanks.

It's a tradition that stems from a time (the 50's and before) when men made money and women often didn't, so there it made sense. Nowadays, men and women pretty much have equal opportunities and financial strengths, so it makes absolutely no sense for us to pay.

By the same token, then, since you make just as much as she does, why should she pay?

 

[WileyCoyote]

I don't see any reason why men should pay.



And anyone who does believes that they have to buy their lady's approval. Sorry but if i wanted that i'll go visit a prostitute.


It's a tradition that stems from a time (the 50's and before) when men made money and women often didn't, so there it made sense. Nowadays, men and women pretty much have equal opportunities and financial strengths, so it makes absolutely no sense for us to pay. Of course, there are exceptions, for instance when you surprise her and take her out for dinner or whatever. But when it's a date, why should the man pay? Just because she has boobs? Screw that. I always split the bill (not up to the cent, but just an easy amount that's sort of fair), and when you're having fun, women are more than happy to do so.

I don't like the idea of trading money for her liking me. I want her to fall for me, not for my wallet. Use your brain, men. Don't buy (literally) into traditions that are not applicable to current society anymore.

 

[Inkachu]

What's your position on paying for dates? I'm generally somewhat old fashioned and believe that I should pay for most things, if not everything during a date. Some women I know love it, some will argue about it. Wondering what your peoples opinions are vis-a-vis who pays on a date.

When I was young (teens, early 20's), I usually went dutch.

Now that I'm older, I expect the man to pay. If he told me in the middle of the date that he expected me to pay my own way, I would if I had the money, because I wouldn't want to make a scene or embarrass him. But I'd seriously reconsider continuing my acquaintance with him. I prefer to discuss this sort of thing BEFORE the date to avoid such a thing from happening.

And before anyone cries "greedy gold digger", I'd be just as happy to spend our dates doing something absolutely free, like walking in the park, strolling through the mall, or visiting a free museum. It's not about how much money he does or doesn't have; it's about a man taking care of his woman.

 

[WileyCoyote]

Gold digger.

 

[traingosorry]

I'm with FNG, but I have been on a couple dates where I have taken the chicken route and wanted to avoid seeing this person again so I offered to pay my way.

I know for some women it's also a way of making sure both people are clear neither of them owes the other anything.

 

[20MoreMiles]

Try not to insult us. Thanks.

My apologies.

By the same token, then, since you make just as much as she does, why should she pay?

She shouldn't. Just split it.

Care to come with arguments?

 

[WileyCoyote]

Care to come with arguments?

Well, I don't appreciate being told that I believe I have to buy my lady's approval just because I believe the man should pay. Who are YOU to tell me what I believe?

And furthermore, suggesting that men pay because "women have boobs" is extremely juvenile. Maybe some men pay because they want to be a gentleman.

 

[godsbassist]

When I was young (teens, early 20's), I usually went dutch.

Now that I'm older, I expect the man to pay. If he told me in the middle of the date that he expected me to pay my own way, I would if I had the money, because I wouldn't want to make a scene or embarrass him. But I'd seriously reconsider continuing my acquaintance with him. I prefer to discuss this sort of thing BEFORE the date to avoid such a thing from happening.

And before anyone cries "greedy gold digger", I'd be just as happy to spend our dates doing something absolutely free, like walking in the park, strolling through the mall, or visiting a free museum. It's not about how much money he does or doesn't have; it's about a man taking care of his woman.

THIS is why I have the opinion I do of footing the bill. It's not about the money, it's an expression of chivalry.

With regards to 20moremiles' comments... comparing women who expect to be treated special and taken care of to prostitutes is indicative of the same lack of chivalry. Even the most successful and wealthy women in the world 90% of the time still like be treated as if they're unique and cared for. Paying for dinner is an opportunity to make that gesture, not treat her like a 'working woman.'

 

[GoodNewsJournalist]

I pay for most, if not all of the date.

 

[Luther073082]

Where I come from a man always pays for the first date. Any man who doesn't doesn't get very many second dates.

After a relationship is established women usually chip in on it. But the first date is always on me.