i haven't dated since my ex and i broke up around Christmas lasted year. i have friends that are girl that i have hung out with, but no dating and no one in mind of as a relationship since then. just for some reason haven't been the in the mood right now, even though i want a relationship, but at the same time, just haven't been in the mood i guess to jump the gun, probably the best way in the end, haha.
well my ex finally responded to my email. that is the only we communicate if we communicate, hence she lived in Portland when we dated, and now she's in southern california. well i moved out there for her, and it didn't work out, so now i'm living back in ohio. and we talked a decent amount after i got back and then not talk for a long time, then all of a sudden she sends me this email. saying how she's seeing a lovely guy, and she is so happy in her sexuality now. she said other things but no point in getting the other stuff right now.
honestly, even though the emotions and love is dead now (real and true love is the only love that doesn't die), it still hurt me and angered me when she said this. she told me that remaining abstinate she hated it. she lived so long with having sex, and myself, i'm a virgin. she told me after we broke up that she may have felt different if we would have had sex. she is also a Christian. she just struggles in her faith i guess, just like everybody else. but still it just reminded me why i'm lonely and single. it's hard finding a girl that doesn't want sex. it's hard finding someone that is a Christian, willing to put up with one struggle till marriage comes along.
so that's why i've been dateless. i dont' want to go through this anymore. i want a girl who wants to be my best friend and i want to be hers, and maybe we'll just skip the dating stuff and get married. marriage seems just to be marrying your best friend, your soulmate in the eyes of God and being one under the eyes of God. forever being with one person. so yea, that email from my ex, just reaffirmed this desire in me. can't do anything else, haha. tried everything else. well, everything else i know of, and that i know i can try. there are just things i won't try that a lot of people try. but i just hope God brings me a girl that i can relate to, and is like me, and we become friends, best friends and maybe be lucky enough that we marry each other. cause that to me seems to be the best kidn of love, and it surely beats the way my last relationship was.
sorry for the venting here. May God Bless you all! <><
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