Dark-minded Christian

Hey man....I'm here for you if you need the help and prayer...your my brother in Christ...I know exactly where your coming from too...I thought of myself as a cynic...and I even use to admit openly how I hated to even be around people in general...as a matter of fact I may have even felt even worse about it all than you.

The most important thing I learned through my experience in all this...is to never put anything before GOD. In this pleasure driven world it's very easy to build up "idols" and not realize it...always put the LORD first.

When you pray...listen to what the SPIRIT is telling you...He will give you instruction on what to do...then comes the hard part...you must obey what the HOLY SPIRIT tells you. But what's cool about this part is you can also pray for the LORD's help with that as well. He can give you the strength you need to do it all.

Perhaps you have'nt received the SPIRIT yet...Pray for the LORD Christ Jesus to send Him to you...Make sure you always pray in the name of Christ Jesus...and if you have received the SPIRIT pray for the LORD to give you the understanding to hear the SPIRIT...I'm praying for you as well.

Have faith in Christ...He knows what's good for you. He'll bring you through all this...He loves you and will never leave you or forsake you...no matter how deep in sin you may go...and when you do make it through it, you'll be a powerfull Christian. Satan is doing these things to you because he is afraid of what you'll become when this happens. He's trying to prevent it. Trust in the LORD and rely on Him in all things.

seebs said:

I don't know, but I'm often the same way. Trent Reznor says a lot more that's true about the nature of good and evil than the average sermon does.

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Seebs, great to know I am not the only one to think so. While I don't recommend listening to NIN, I have found some of their songs to be rather helpful in fighting evil. "Closer" for example has two voices in it: the one crying "Help me" to God, and the one of the devil, eager to rape the believer like an animal (a mockery of the pure love and marital union between Jesus and the Church).

Tell me, Holo, do you do any spiritual exercises? If you can confront this darkness (you are a sinner, it's going to be there) and bring the light into it, you will see a gradual change.

Dont worry man, I get really happy when it rains. Ha, not too long ago, when I first started to think of God, I started heading down the road to Him, trying to become closer, and I guess Satan was just putting thoughts into my head, but yeah, im not proud of this, but I will admit this, for awhile all I thought about was murder, and what it would feel like. I guess I didnt even realize this was Satan putting thoughts into my head, but it makes sense now. Im fine now, but I can definatly relate to you, thats problem one of the hardest things for me, I cant make any Christian friends...because, well, they arent like me, everything is different, I dont like the same music as people, they cant even comprehend.. I dono man. I got long messy hair, tight pants, and I skateboard, people are too judgemental though, like, they have some pre-conceived image of what a Christian should look like, and then they assume that all skateboarders wear Jyncos and smoke marijuana. I wouldnt know how to explain it, im just not like most christians I meet, in fact, I havent met a Christian I could seriously be friends with, I dont think, but who knows. Also, I have really obscure thoughts, I cant even dwell into what I think about, they arent evil though, just REALLY strange, in fact, if I told most people, they'd probably die of laughter. I bet God has a good time laughing at the **** that I think about half the time. But I feel blessed that I am born this way, I dont get all "holier-than-thou", but I wouldnt want to be any other way. I just get nervous sometimes that I will never meet a christian girl I could ever like, have a serious relationship with, the only thing I can do is place trust in God to find me someone...it just seems....impossible? Not impossible I guess, I just dont know sometimes. I know God can do it, I just hope its soon..or something. But I digress, its easy for me to say stop thinking of these things, but if you feel that they interfere or even offend God, then ask Him, and if He says yes, then pray that He takes these thoughts out of your head. Im fasting right now, so if you want me to pray for you I will, just tell me.

Hi Holo,

As a new christian, it is not uncommon to still be grappling with darkness, and changing the 'old man' so that we emerge as the 'new man in Christ' takes time, and is a daily walk. I remember struggling with dark thoughts, and being confused as to how or why I should have them or even enjoy them to an extent, because I was a Christian. Overtime, with constant prayer to my Lord and conversations with him about that darkness and asking for his help in this regard, the darkness was overcome. I also realized that not every dark thought I had was my own, but rather they were placed there by the enemy mixed with lies to confuse me, making me vulnerable to believing that God's work in my life is not complete. But it is complete, it is the manifestation in our lives of that completeness which takes time.

The Bible speaks about 'the heart of man being black', which I interpret to be 'darkness', which is why Christ in our lives is so very important. But be encouraged and know that God does love you, and wants more than you, for your entire being to be filled with light. That is why we are encouraged to renew our minds by reading the Bible and filling up on the things of God. In that way a gradual transformation takes place and over time the 'Light' overcomes the 'darkness'.

My advise given in love is to increase the level of the things of God, ie. godly music which appeals to you, hanging with other Christian friends, making time to read the Bible daily - even if it is a small passage,and most importantly conversations with God about this darkness. Also ask him to help you to hear his answers. You will find if you seek more of him that eventually your taste for the 'darkness' and enjoyment of it will fade away. I don't mean to sound trite, I'm telling you what I have tried and tested and have found to be true. Shortly after I became a young widow, in a sudden and shocking way, I became a new Christian, and at that time the darkness seemed rather comforting.

While heaven is where our wonderful Saviour resides, we are much more of value to Jesus here on earth, helping and encouraging others. There will come a day when you will also be able to help someone fighting a fascination or attraction to darkness, hence your walk in this valley and your triumph will become a testimony, to be turned to good for someone elase.

I hope I encouraged you, and will also pray for you. Forgive me for being long winded but I care about you as a member of the body of Christ and the Family of God.
Blessings mssankacoffee

heh.. I am very much like that holo.. I will sit in my room for a long time just playing with my katana... I own alot of knives too I'm obsessed.. I also listen to some music that most Christians would find "inapropriate".. I do find myself very dark at times and sometimes I think I might TRY to be.. But I continue praying and talk to my friends about God all the time and I do think its helping me.. But are knives really a bad thing?