Hi all. I pray God uses your wisdom here. I'm engaged to be wed in Aug. My fiance is a good dad firm and says no to his 12 yo daughter when needed and has encouraged her spiritual walk. She's generally pleasant to be around and is very keen on and close to me. Her BM is not only just a few doors away, but picks her up from school daily. As adults we all get on even exchanging Xmas gifts. In a way we're blessed that we're all Christians, that my fiance and SD mum never married after a brief rship, so no parental divorce.
Here's the 'but'. My fiance himself admits he needs to sort out his over protectiveness (his word) of his daughter. His parents live below him and have a back garden. He let her play on the trampoline then called her in when he was going in. She's 12. Her grandad was working in the garden and even he said "she's alright here" There are some shops around 300 metres away. He's never let her go to them alone. At 12yo he has carried her on his shoulders in public like a toddler (e.g across car park). She was looking to earn money the other day, I suggested washing the car and he confessed that he was concerned someone would snatch her off the drive. He changed his mind later and agreed she could do it though (again I think to hear himself say it he realized he needed to sort this out). He works about 10 miles from where he lives and from where he lives and drives his daughter about 4 miles on the journey to school the last 2 years. Due to being bullied and not being able to settle he's applying to move her to a school in the town he works.
From Sep, after our Aug wedding, if she gets into that school they'll be spending two half hour drives together, to and from school/work. 5 hours a week, 20+ hours a month. I understand the need for father daughter bonding how good this time could be, esp if her new school works better for her. This could be for the next 5 years. I'm starting to wonder if I should pray against those plans - I'm not proud of that - and I won't deny slight jealousy, but I'm more concerned about how we can strengthen and build quality in our adult relationship.
Because our relationship hardly gets the same attention and I'm concerned. When I read about how supportive biological parents are to their spouses I can't rest in that same confidence. We both need to develop our relationship with the Lord, he knows will help him more. We have an older couple (minister and his wife) we speak with and thank God of all the books he will read he is reading the Smart Step family one. We're reading it together and it's helping him realize the need to strengthen the marriage r'ship a priority (I know that takes time with step families).
I am feeling like I'm the one checking in on our spiritual walk, plans, fellowship etc. I moved home, church, etc and am feeling displaced somewhat. He had a volatile upbringing in a stepfamily himself and part of his rship with his daughter could be as a reaction against that. I was also brought up in a stepfamily but had an OK experience.
Anyway this is getting way too long. I just know from that unresolved emotional life and strong allegiances with children threaten stepfamily life and I was after your thoughts and prayers. Also if there are any stepparent Christian groups in the UK I'd be grateful for details
God bless you
C
Here's the 'but'. My fiance himself admits he needs to sort out his over protectiveness (his word) of his daughter. His parents live below him and have a back garden. He let her play on the trampoline then called her in when he was going in. She's 12. Her grandad was working in the garden and even he said "she's alright here" There are some shops around 300 metres away. He's never let her go to them alone. At 12yo he has carried her on his shoulders in public like a toddler (e.g across car park). She was looking to earn money the other day, I suggested washing the car and he confessed that he was concerned someone would snatch her off the drive. He changed his mind later and agreed she could do it though (again I think to hear himself say it he realized he needed to sort this out). He works about 10 miles from where he lives and from where he lives and drives his daughter about 4 miles on the journey to school the last 2 years. Due to being bullied and not being able to settle he's applying to move her to a school in the town he works.
From Sep, after our Aug wedding, if she gets into that school they'll be spending two half hour drives together, to and from school/work. 5 hours a week, 20+ hours a month. I understand the need for father daughter bonding how good this time could be, esp if her new school works better for her. This could be for the next 5 years. I'm starting to wonder if I should pray against those plans - I'm not proud of that - and I won't deny slight jealousy, but I'm more concerned about how we can strengthen and build quality in our adult relationship.
Because our relationship hardly gets the same attention and I'm concerned. When I read about how supportive biological parents are to their spouses I can't rest in that same confidence. We both need to develop our relationship with the Lord, he knows will help him more. We have an older couple (minister and his wife) we speak with and thank God of all the books he will read he is reading the Smart Step family one. We're reading it together and it's helping him realize the need to strengthen the marriage r'ship a priority (I know that takes time with step families).
I am feeling like I'm the one checking in on our spiritual walk, plans, fellowship etc. I moved home, church, etc and am feeling displaced somewhat. He had a volatile upbringing in a stepfamily himself and part of his rship with his daughter could be as a reaction against that. I was also brought up in a stepfamily but had an OK experience.
Anyway this is getting way too long. I just know from that unresolved emotional life and strong allegiances with children threaten stepfamily life and I was after your thoughts and prayers. Also if there are any stepparent Christian groups in the UK I'd be grateful for details
God bless you
C
