Dad Mad at me (inappropriate content)

[FaithPleases]

He came home like regular. I left to go pick up some food. Came back and he was extremely angry but was just very quiet. I knew something was up. He came asking me what I been doing on internet. inappropriate content obviously didn't come to my mind from what I did today. I told him I been on my normal websites.

He said "I think you been on a lot more than that' something along those lines.

Checked my history on my computer I assume.

He is dissapointed.

I am scared for my life.
I am afraid he is going to beat me with a belt which wouldn't be a surprise or he will put his hands on me (grab me forcefully push me around)

Don't know what to do. Can't go back there and say yes, I also have been watching inappropriate content. Times like these I wanna run away or kill myself. Not sure what to do could ask God for help but that doesn't seem to work for me too much when I pray, especially considering how unfaithful I have been. I have been working to renew my mind but just haven't been able to stop. Wanna kill myself but am afraid I would see hell rather than heaven.

 

[paul1149]

Calm down, and put suicide way out of your mind. It is not an option. Somehow you are going to get through this. We all mess up, and God is still on your side.

I don't know the situation at your house - how old you are, whether you have grounds to think your Dad would abuse you, or whether you are home or not, so I don't know what to say. But Step One is to calm yourself down and try to think rationally.

 

[GarySneakers]

Wow, big deal, looked at inappropriate content. In my day, I use to hide magazines under my bed. It is rough these days with it all at your fingertips. It's normal, move on. But beware, Those who play are those who pay.

 

[Puptart]

If you're concerned about a parent physically harming you, you can contact a local helpline or a national line like the Kid's Helpphone. He has no right to hit you with a belt, because that then becomes a weapon. If you feel you are legitimately in danger, call the police if nothing else.

So you looked at inappropriate content, ok, big deal. That's not important right now. What's important is that you're in a safe environment and if you aren't, you need to reach out to someone who can help, even if it's a family member you can trust. You can deal with the inappropriate content later.. safety first, then worry about all this other stuff.

 

[FaithPleases]

Struggling to calm down. I can tell my dad told my mom. My brother was just called upstairs and had to bring his computer with him. My mom isn't talking ot me. I am stuck i n the kitchen and scared to move. I am 17 and too scared to call authorities.

 

[Puptart]

No matter how angry they are, the more time that goes on, the less volatile the situation is because they'll even out in temper (even if still remaining extremely angry).

17 years old is -way- too old to be hit at all let alone with a belt. But unfortunately that doesn't change anything.. I'd leave the house if it were me in your position, because I wouldn't -allow- myself to be punished in that manner. There are a lot of punishments I'd accept for doing something wrong, but that is definitely not one of them at 17 years of age.

At any rate, if you're staying, try to diffuse the situation. Tell the truth, because lying will only make it worse. Stay calm and tell the truth, and work with your parents toward a solution. I can tell you right now it's going to involve some sort of computer restrictions so just suck it up and accept that fate (their house their rules sorta thing).. suggest something to help with the problem, suggest limitations or monitoring software, show that you're willing to work to a resolution.

My point is that if you're staying put, the worst thing you can do is just make the situation worse by lying and/or being resistant. And at the end of the day if you're gonna get hit by a belt, you might just have to take a deep breath and deal, because your options are limited aside from calling someone in.

 

[FaithPleases]

Too scared to just tell them. I think they'll confront me soon

 

[hedrick]

Too scared to just tell them. I think they'll confront me soon

Puptart's advice agrees with what I would say. I had written a longer post, but looking at the posting times I'm guessing that any crisis is over.

I hope by now you've had a chance to calm down. This isn't the end of the world. If you need help, there are options available. Obvious ones are help lines, friends and neighbors, pastor or youth leader (assuming your church isn't one that encourages heavy punishment).

We can give advice, but to be specific we'd need to know more, and this may not be the best place to go for that kind of specific counsel. About all we can say for sure is that if you have done something wrong you should expect reasonable consequences, but if things get out of hand, you have every right to expect help. There's no reason this should ruin your life. I know a teen who has recently gone through exactly the same thing, and he's come out a better person.

I'll pray for you. I'm sure others are as well.

When the immediate crisis is over, please find a mature Christian that you trust to talk with. Not just about inappropriate content but about your life and faith more generally. If you can't do it in person, we can try here, but remember that postings are public. Remember that God loves you, and that doesn't change just because you've done something wrong. Looking at inappropriate content isn't good (I'm assuming this is something serious and not just scantily clad women), but it doesn't make you worthless or stop you from being a Christian who can still love and serve others. A lot of the time we have to tell kids how important it is to do what Jesus says. But in a situation like this it may be more important to reassure you that just because you've sinned it doesn't make you a hypocrite (except to the extent that we're all hypocrites) or show that your faith is false.

 

[hedrick]

One other thing: the OP bothers me, not just for what it says but what it implies. You can survive a belting if it comes to that (though I don't consider it acceptable), assuming your parents are otherwise loving and supportive. But it sounds like you expect it as a matter of course. If your parents are abusive, you need help. By abusive I mean not just harsh punishment, but a generally negative or harsh attitude. You don't have to call the authorities. But you need to talk to a responsible adult. It can be a teacher, a coach, a friend's parents, or a pastor (if necessary, of a different church if your church condones abuse). But abuse often has long-term effects on your effectiveness, as a Christian and as a person. God wants something better for you.

I realize this environment can be more comfortable than talking to someone in person. And you may choose to talk a bit more here. But at some point you need to talk with a someone in person, who knows who you are and can potentially do things to help you.

 

[FaithPleases]

I have been talking to someone on here for the past 2-2 1/2 years. the crisis isn't over as i just woke up. Mom is dissapointed and my dad seems mad as usual at me which isnt a suprise.

 

[hedrick]

OK, now we know more where you are. Much of this is probably obvious, but since we don't know exactly what is going on and what exact relationship you have with parents, we can only give general advice.

If your parents are mad at you but nothing more has happened, you'd probably be better off to talk to them. A painful confrontation is better than just sitting there glaring at each other. What you want is

* reconciliation, i.e. they forgive you
* you forgive yourself, and get on with your life without a continuing feeling of guilt
* you decide whether you need to do anything to prevent it from happening again

The first is likely to involve a confession. With most adults you want to be honest about what happened, not be defensive (i.e. just give a straightforward account without excuses), take responsibility, ask for forgiveness, and talk about what you should do in the future.

Depending upon the parents (and you -- some kids find it hard to forgive themselves without at least some consequence), it may or may not involve punishment. But taking responsibility is really the key to accountability. That can be done without punishment.

I'm not an expert on dealing with attraction to inappropriate content. Others here can better advise you, but if it's a one-time thing I wouldn't worry. If it's continuing, and if you agree that it's wrong and serious enough that it has to be dealt with (if you don't, then more discussion is needed) you need to set up a way to deal with it. Your parents may want some kind of parental controls, but at 17 that's only going to work if you agree and cooperate. There are too many ways someone your age get to the Internet. Beyond this, others can better advise you.

 

[Puptart]

You can survive a belting if it comes to that (though I don't consider it acceptable), assuming your parents are otherwise loving and supportive. But it sounds like you expect it as a matter of course. If your parents are abusive, you need help. By abusive I mean not just harsh punishment, but a generally negative or harsh attitude. You don't have to call the authorities. But you need to talk to a responsible adult. It can be a teacher, a coach, a friend's parents, or a pastor (if necessary, of a different church if your church condones abuse). But abuse often has long-term effects on your effectiveness, as a Christian and as a person. God wants something better for you.

This.

I have been talking to someone on here for the past 2-2 1/2 years. the crisis isn't over as i just woke up. Mom is dissapointed and my dad seems mad as usual at me which isnt a suprise.

Well what is meant by "crisis" is a threat to your personal safety/security. By now, the crisis most likely is over, and what you're left with is a couple of very disappointed and angry parents... that's not a crisis, that's just life.

I know you're scared to talk to them, but you're on the verge of being a young adult at this stage in your life: The best thing you can possibly do is act like an adult. Face them and tell the truth. Admit wrong-doing and ask forgiveness (God may be the most important forgiver, but you still live in your parents house, so asking for their forgiveness is also a proper step). The more your parents see you as a young adult rather than a child, the better off you are.

If you're having trouble, write it down. It doesn't have to be fancy. "I know what you found, and I know what I did was wrong. I messed up. I'm sorry for my actions and how it has impacted the family. I know you're angry and disappointed, and you have every right to be. But I want to work toward a solution so that you can trust me again and so I can move past this mistake. I take full responsibility for what I did."

Just be open. Maybe you live in an environment where that hasn't always been easy.. but when it comes to your parents, it's the best thing you can do right now, because ignoring it and avoiding them isn't going to help.

The longer you drag it out, the harder it gets to talk. Even if you're afraid, God is with you to do the right thing.

 

[seeingeyes]

Well what is meant by "crisis" is a threat to your personal safety/security. By now, the crisis most likely is over, and what you're left with is a couple of very disappointed and angry parents... that's not a crisis, that's just life.

I know you're scared to talk to them, but you're on the verge of being a young adult at this stage in your life: The best thing you can possibly do is act like an adult. Face them and tell the truth. Admit wrong-doing and ask forgiveness (God may be the most important forgiver, but you still live in your parents house, so asking for their forgiveness is also a proper step). The more your parents see you as a young adult rather than a child, the better off you are.

If you're having trouble, write it down. It doesn't have to be fancy. "I know what you found, and I know what I did was wrong. I messed up. I'm sorry for my actions and how it has impacted the family. I know you're angry and disappointed, and you have every right to be. But I want to work toward a solution so that you can trust me again and so I can move past this mistake. I take full responsibility for what I did."

Just be open. Maybe you live in an environment where that hasn't always been easy.. but when it comes to your parents, it's the best thing you can do right now, because ignoring it and avoiding them isn't going to help.

The longer you drag it out, the harder it gets to talk. Even if you're afraid, God is with you to do the right thing.

This right here is grown-up 101. It doesn't get any easier, but you will respect the version of you that is willing to fess up and take his lumps more than the version of you that hides in his room 'cause mommy and daddy are mad.

Don't be afraid! Start being the man you want to be today, friend.

 

[FaithPleases]

I fessed up. My dad came downstairs and I made it up in my mind that I had to say something and be honest with myself. He was understanding of my struggle and was glad I went and told him. He wasn't mad surprisingly we had a brief talk and he said we would talk again.

He also told me my language has changed as of recently, probably as far as the things I say around him. I don't cuss around him, have stopped listening to as much rap music and haven't even been seeing my friends who he says influence me which is true but not as much as he claims in my opinion.

Then he was talking about stuff on facebook and said your grandmother would go on there and cry at some of the stuff she sees. I went on my fb and literally don't see anything that they would be disgraced of or bring them to tears.

I wonder why he is bringing it up but nonetheless I am scared as usual for something I shouldn't be scared about.

I am not necessarily sure he even checked the history he just hinted that he might have so he could see if I would fess up to anything. He was saying the spirit was guiding him and the spirit doesn't lie.

 

[Puptart]

I fessed up. My dad came downstairs and I made it up in my mind that I had to say something and be honest with myself. He was understanding of my struggle and was glad I went and told him. He wasn't mad surprisingly we had a brief talk and he said we would talk again.

He also told me my language has changed as of recently, probably as far as the things I say around him. I don't cuss around him, have stopped listening to as much rap music and haven't even been seeing my friends who he says influence me which is true but not as much as he claims in my opinion.

Hmm.. he sounds a bit over-protective maybe.

Everyone changes as they grow up.. especially our language, and I don't even mean we go from good language to bad language, but the manner in which we speak and the words we use does in fact change. It sounds like your dad might be over-analyzing things here and scrutinizing things. I don't know him nor you so I can't be sure, but that's my guess on the matter.

I would also imagine he does it out of love for you and seeing his boy grow up to be a good man. It can be hard for parents to figure out how to "let go" and let their children have some freedom. You're probably at an age where you will be making more and more decisions without their input, and that's something that's hard for some parents to process.

No one stays the same forever, after all.

Then he was talking about stuff on facebook and said your grandmother would go on there and cry at some of the stuff she sees. I went on my fb and literally don't see anything that they would be disgraced of or bring them to tears.

I think your dad may be being a tad melodramatic You might consider talking with your grandmother to see what exactly she's having difficulty with, if anything. Better to get the information straight from the source.

 

[FaithPleases]

Thanks for everyones input.

I wouldn't consider my dad to be over-protective at all.(I understand you can only work with the info I have given) I am granted probably more freedom than most high schoolers.

I hope he was being melodramatic. Well nothing bad can come out of a talk so that is good. Just be honest when asked to be but typically my dad does all the talking. Rarely do I have these talks maybe twice a year.

 

[seeingeyes]

I fessed up. My dad came downstairs and I made it up in my mind that I had to say something and be honest with myself. He was understanding of my struggle and was glad I went and told him. He wasn't mad surprisingly we had a brief talk and he said we would talk again.

He also told me my language has changed as of recently, probably as far as the things I say around him. I don't cuss around him, have stopped listening to as much rap music and haven't even been seeing my friends who he says influence me which is true but not as much as he claims in my opinion.

Then he was talking about stuff on facebook and said your grandmother would go on there and cry at some of the stuff she sees. I went on my fb and literally don't see anything that they would be disgraced of or bring them to tears.

I wonder why he is bringing it up but nonetheless I am scared as usual for something I shouldn't be scared about.

I am not necessarily sure he even checked the history he just hinted that he might have so he could see if I would fess up to anything. He was saying the spirit was guiding him and the spirit doesn't lie.

Nice work!

And you didn't even get murdered! Praise God!

The kind of thing that can bring grandmothers to tears is maybe music choices and 'yo, that chick is smokin'" type stuff. Are you close to your grandma? You could talk to her about it. Or heck, even a quick "I love you grandma!" on her fb page would immediately quell all fear.

Be careful to mind your P's and Q's with your dad and mom. It can be easy to forget to show the outward signs of respect while we are trying to figure out how to be a separate person from our parents.

I sure couldn't do it. But looking back now, I realize that I could have said 'no' to them in certain situations without acting like a complete jerkwater. Well, maybe I couldn't have... Teenage hormones are quite an obstacle to rational thinking when we don't get our way. At any rate, try your best to treat them with respect, and when you just can't do that, remember to offer a sincere apology later.

Did your dad mention specifically what is wrong with your 'language'?

 

[FaithPleases]

He didn't say anything about the kind of language. I have always treated my parents with respect. Don't talk back don't question thwir decisions

 

[seeingeyes]

He didn't say anything about the kind of language. I have always treated my parents with respect. Don't talk back don't question thwir decisions

Maybe you should ask him. It could be certain 'slang', it could be your 'tone', it could be just that you don't act like a jubilant little boy anymore. You can't adjust your 'language' around your dad until he makes clear what he is talking about.

Forget the 'maybe'. You should ask him to clarify, because it would be a sign of maturity and respect to do so.

God bless

 

[FaithPleases]

I think it ia slang.