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Cussing In-laws

worththewait

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My family was always very active in church and we were taught to carry ourselves a certain way. My family rarely (if ever) cursed when I was growing up. In fact, when I was about 11, my cousins and I were at my grandmother's house and apparently we were being disobedient. My grandma ended up saying a bad word while reprimanding us. I told my mom later that day and she called her siblings and they had a family talk with us because they had NEVER heard my grandmother cuss before and knew that meant we must have really been misbehaving for her to get to that point. It was a BIG deal.

I say all of that to say, cursing was never something I was accustomed to growing up. And when someone did curse, it was usually after something very bad or unfortunate happened. However, my husband's family is the exact opposite. When we visit, every other word is a curse word. And not the short, "mild" words. I mean the worse of the worse. I was actually shocked the first time I heard how they speak because these are church going people. But when they are outside of the church, they cuss like sailors so to speak. I've always been uncomfortable by it but I just sucked it up for the occasional visits, especially because I was in their home and wasn't going to tell them how to speak.

Recently, they came to our new home. I have scriptures and prayers written all throughout our home. You'd think they would respect that but they came in with their same rhetoric, cursing after every word and I felt extremely disrespected and uncomfortable.

I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the thought of them speaking this way around my child makes me extremely angry. I'm not sure how to handle this. I've been praying about it and I try not to be judgmental but it really bothers me, especially with not wanting to raise a child around people who speak so harshly. I've mentioned to them how shocking some of the stuff they say is but it's like they're amused by it and it's really the norm to them.

How would you handle this? Any advice?
 

St_Worm2

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Hello @worththewait, since this is your husband's family (who I assume is a believer who does not use "colorful" language himself, yes?), what does he have to say about it? Also, have you told him how you feel?

Finally, if you two decide to say something to them, then it seems to me that he should be the one to do so.

BTW, there are plenty of CINO (Christians In Name Only) who attend our churches, so pray for them/for their salvation, and try to not be angry with them (though I know how hard that can be at times since I have a number of similar relatives myself).

Praying for wisdom for you and your husband (and for your in-laws too).

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - I should also say, CONGRATULATIONS :)

Ephesians 4
29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.
.
 
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disciple Clint

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My family was always very active in church and we were taught to carry ourselves a certain way. My family rarely (if ever) cursed when I was growing up. In fact, when I was about 11, my cousins and I were at my grandmother's house and apparently we were being disobedient. My grandma ended up saying a bad word while reprimanding us. I told my mom later that day and she called her siblings and they had a family talk with us because they had NEVER heard my grandmother cuss before and knew that meant we must have really been misbehaving for her to get to that point. It was a BIG deal.

I say all of that to say, cursing was never something I was accustomed to growing up. And when someone did curse, it was usually after something very bad or unfortunate happened. However, my husband's family is the exact opposite. When we visit, every other word is a curse word. And not the short, "mild" words. I mean the worse of the worse. I was actually shocked the first time I heard how they speak because these are church going people. But when they are outside of the church, they cuss like sailors so to speak. I've always been uncomfortable by it but I just sucked it up for the occasional visits, especially because I was in their home and wasn't going to tell them how to speak.

Recently, they came to our new home. I have scriptures and prayers written all throughout our home. You'd think they would respect that but they came in with their same rhetoric, cursing after every word and I felt extremely disrespected and uncomfortable.

I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the thought of them speaking this way around my child makes me extremely angry. I'm not sure how to handle this. I've been praying about it and I try not to be judgmental but it really bothers me, especially with not wanting to raise a child around people who speak so harshly. I've mentioned to them how shocking some of the stuff they say is but it's like they're amused by it and it's really the norm to them.

How would you handle this? Any advice?
Why not talk to your husband about it and allow him to talk with them
 
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timf

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Your child will grow up with them as an example. A good example, not an example of good. People use the language of the culture in which they are immersed. With TV and movies being what they are today, many are immersed in this culture and their use of language reflects this immersion.

Words that reflect emotional intensity, when too frequently used, are sort of like shouting when asking someone what time it is or to pass the salt.
 
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Freth

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I agree with what has already been said in the first two responses. It should be your husband that talks to his family about it, as he would probably know best if his family is approachable about the subject.

I understand how profanity happens in the family unit. It's a culture that develops over time, and continues with your kids. My own father spoke colorful language, and both my brother and I adopted it. I've spent some amount of effort to change the way I talk, because it's a part of who I am.

In essence, you'll be asking them to not speak as their family culture speaks, which some might find difficult to do; a tall order. Rather than having to curtail their culture, they might get mad instead and refuse to change, finding the request unreasonable. As irrational as that sounds, it could be considered an attack on who they are, and it may cause a rift in the family.

It can be difficult, even impossible, for people lost to this world to understand, even professed Christians who are not Christians at all. It's because they're so attached to this world, and the culture that has cultivated in their midst, that they would rather get angry and refuse your request than change. It's a built-in mechanism of satanic influence, that hostility should take them over, to defend sin.

My personal (hostile) view is that if they can't respect your request to curb their profanity, then they shouldn't be invited into your home where they can continue their disrespectful behavior. They have a choice, but so do you—to do what is best for your family.

My Christian (non-hostile) view is that you could use this situation to God's advantage. Rather than approach them at all, let your Christian values and who you are be a beacon at family gatherings. Openly express your Christian beliefs and values to your family members, so that they know without a doubt who you are. Doing so will plant seeds in the minds of your family, and give them pause, to think about their own lives and how they're living. I know for a fact this works, because I've done it myself, and had friends and family members come to me afterward, asking questions. Jesus met people where they were in life, and showed them the truth. Maybe that's the better approach.

God bless!
 
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public hermit

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My family was always very active in church and we were taught to carry ourselves a certain way. My family rarely (if ever) cursed when I was growing up. In fact, when I was about 11, my cousins and I were at my grandmother's house and apparently we were being disobedient. My grandma ended up saying a bad word while reprimanding us. I told my mom later that day and she called her siblings and they had a family talk with us because they had NEVER heard my grandmother cuss before and knew that meant we must have really been misbehaving for her to get to that point. It was a BIG deal.

I say all of that to say, cursing was never something I was accustomed to growing up. And when someone did curse, it was usually after something very bad or unfortunate happened. However, my husband's family is the exact opposite. When we visit, every other word is a curse word. And not the short, "mild" words. I mean the worse of the worse. I was actually shocked the first time I heard how they speak because these are church going people. But when they are outside of the church, they cuss like sailors so to speak. I've always been uncomfortable by it but I just sucked it up for the occasional visits, especially because I was in their home and wasn't going to tell them how to speak.

Recently, they came to our new home. I have scriptures and prayers written all throughout our home. You'd think they would respect that but they came in with their same rhetoric, cursing after every word and I felt extremely disrespected and uncomfortable.

I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the thought of them speaking this way around my child makes me extremely angry. I'm not sure how to handle this. I've been praying about it and I try not to be judgmental but it really bothers me, especially with not wanting to raise a child around people who speak so harshly. I've mentioned to them how shocking some of the stuff they say is but it's like they're amused by it and it's really the norm to them.

How would you handle this? Any advice?

The reality is people cannot be controlled. If, as suggested above, your husband talks to them, chances are they're going to make a point to annoy you more with their language. If they laugh now, forget about making any headway by making an issue out of it. Your children will be around all kinds of people; that’s life in this world. It's your responsibility to train them according to what seems right to you. But don't assume you can control others or even have a right to try. It sounds like you need to work on your ability to accept adverse situations with faith and grace. My advice: let it go, and focus on loving your in-laws in spite of their behavior.
 
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BobRyan

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I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the thought of them speaking this way around my child makes me extremely angry. I'm not sure how to handle this. I've been praying about it and I try not to be judgmental but it really bothers me, especially with not wanting to raise a child around people who speak so harshly. I've mentioned to them how shocking some of the stuff they say is but it's like they're amused by it and it's really the norm to them.

How would you handle this? Any advice?

In Matt 7 Christ said "by their fruits you shall know them" -- you don't get bad fruit from a born-again-saved Christian life. (a good tree).

Knowing that - I would try to "limit" contact with them when it comes to your children who are starting to learn to speak... if it is before that age - it probably won't matter.

In the mean time ask your husband to join you in praying for the conversion of his family members. If he is a Christian it must also be something that concerns his interests as well.
 
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com7fy8

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I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the thought of them speaking this way around my child makes me extremely angry.
Ok, so you have been with your husband for some time before you got married and while pregnant. So, I would say you have had some amount of time, including before getting married, to talk with your husband about this, and while you have been pregnant.

So, have you two talked about this? What have you developed, about this?

You haven't said anything about what communicating with your husband has produced; so in case you do not communicate with him about things . . . I think it is good to have wholesome sharing with the one you are married to, and from your loving develop how you handle people who do not know how to love.

I've mentioned to them how shocking some of the stuff they say is but it's like they're amused by it and it's really the norm to them.
So, at least you have talked with them. And possibly they do not know how to love and to feel for others. In case this is the case, their yapping is not their main problem . . . if they do not know how to love.

And only God can handle that kind of a problem.

But you can invest in more sharing with your husband, maybe. And then feed on this, how God is blessing you. And have your good example ready for your child, including your good example of how you deal with unloving people and bad examples. Children need to grow up knowing right from wrong, and it is possible your in-laws will volunteer to be examples you can use to illustrate what is wrong.

May be, at your child's christening you can offer them the choice of if they will pledge to be a good example to help bring up your child, or not. And make it clear that if they give their word that they will help you, then this will include using godly language. And make it clear how if they do not promise to help you to bring up your children right, they will be volunteering to be used as an example for teaching your children, of right example or wrong example. And if they make a stink about this, you can talk with their pastor and see if their church is a strong church in God's word, or a social club. Then work with the reality which proves itself, while God will prove Himself to you while you do His will.

But . . . I am concerned about how you and your husband are doing. Your example as parents can take care of the problem of bad examples. But Jesus made use of wrong people, in order to point out to His disciples what is wrong. So, if you two develop a good example, God will use this and not waste this . . . while you can use your in-laws however they volunteer.
 
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