Neologisms .....
The Washington Post publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
ball (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.
Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.
Spatula: n. A fight among vampires.
Excruciate: n., the ligament that attaches your ex-wife to your paycheck.
Perplexed: adj., lost in a movie theater.
Population: n., that nice sensation you get when drinking soda.
Racket: n., a small pair of breasts.
Nincompoop: n., the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation.
Ineffable: adj., describes someone you absolutely cannot swear in front of.
Pontificate: n., a document given to each graduating pope.
Pimple: n., pimp's apprentice.
Discussion: n., a Frisbee-related head injury.
Ozone: n., area in which the G-spot is located.
Flattery: n., a factory that manufactures A and B cup brassieres only.
Cabbage Patch: A patch for those trying to stop eating cabbage.
Sudafed: A software program on how to file a civil action against the government.
Pop Secret: Paternity suit settled without publicity.
The Washington Posts Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: End of the world due to a build up of bad-vibes.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Tumfoolery: When a middle-aged man sucks in his stomach while being introduced to an attractive woman
Fadavers: Last year's hot fads.
Main Geeze: How an elderly, unmarried couple refer to each other.
Polarvoid: The state of having no baby pictures, a condition that usually befalls the second-born child.
Dozie: The lie a person tells when a telephone caller wakes him up and he denies that he was sleeping.
Accimental: Caused by a Freudian slip.
Algaebra: What the Little Mermaid wears over her chest.
Aliass: A body double for a nude scene.
Arbyss: The deepest part of the stomach, reserved for two Giant Roast Beefs, large Curly Fries and a chocolate shake.
Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.
Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.
Buzz Words and Phrases for the 21st Century
� BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
� SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
� CHAINSAW CONSULTANT
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
� STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
� SWIPED OUT
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
� TOURISTS
People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
� TREEWARE
Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
� XEROX SUBSIDY
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
� CHIPS & SALSA
Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
� PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. (Try not to dent the case.)
� CLM
(Career Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
� ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
� DILBERTED
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been Dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
� 404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."
