Crunch time...

[Holy Warrior]

Hey everyone, hope you're well. I'm a bit torn up inside, and have regurgitated my feelings onto this page for your perusal. I suppose it just feels good to be airing my thoughts after keeping them inside for so long.

I've been in a relationship with a girl for 2 1/2 years now. We get on really well together, and share a group of friends here in Edinburgh. The one major thing we don't have in common is faith- I'm a Christian, whereas she isn't.

Recently, due to our friends' jokes about us setting a date, I've been thinking about marriage. Now, neither of us would want to get married until we graduate, but that time is getting closer- a year and a half for me, two for her. Anyway, I've been starting to think about the long-term, getting married and all that, and I just don't think I can marry a non-Christian. I backslide now and then, same as everyone, but I'm committed to Christ and want to live for him as best I can. I want a wife I can pray with, go to church with, teach our kids about God and all that.

I just don't see that happening with this girl.

I love her; she's one of my best friends and I detest the thought of hurting her. She's been going through a rough patch recently and I'm kind of her rock of stability. However, much as I want to stay with her and make her happy, I don't think that's fair on me, or will lead to the sort of life I want.

If she doesn't change, however, I'll have to end things. I've invited her to church on Sunday (have done before, too) but she usually finds excuses not to come. She says she feels uncomfortable, because she thinks my sister and flatmate will be judging her.

If I do decide to break up with her, I'd hate to lose her as a friend. We almost split up right at the start over this, but we didn't get any space and ended up right back in each other's arms. I realise that in order for us to remain friends, I couldn't allow the same thing to happen.

I had this chat with my flatmate, and the upshot is that I have to have it out with Anna- tell her where I stand and what I see in our future. I don't want to blackmail her into coming to church or anything, but at the same time, I want to make my position clear. I'd appreciate any advice you people can give me with regard to approaching this.

To complicate things, there are a couple of christian girls I know with whom I also get on very well. I've been thinking for a while now that perhaps I'd be better off with one of them, or at least someone like them. The last thing I want to do, though, is to pick up one of them on the rebound and end up hurting them too. However, they're leaving Edinburgh at the end of the semester (June) and I don't want to be wondering about what could have been. On the other hand, if I'm meant to be with one of them, I'm sure God will bring us together again. Again, advice would be nice!

Points for prayer
I'd really appreciate it if you could pray for me and Anna at this time.

Please pray that the Lord will open Anna's heart to His Word, that she may come to know Jesus as her saviour. (Regardless of whether we stay together, this is my greatest desire.)

Pray for me, that God would give me the strength to stand up for my convictions and do what I should.

Pray that the friendship we have would remain in some form in the future.

 

[Blank123]

praying for you and Anna

 

[plum]

shooting those prayer requests up to the Father

 

[Holy Warrior]

Thanks

 

[Holy Warrior]

God's moving!

I haven't had the big chat with Anna yet, as I'm in the middle of revising for some final exams. However, I found out yesterday that Anna's mum wants to go to the RC cathedral over here when they visit next weekend, and so Anna is going to go to church for the first time in ages!

Please pray that God will speak to her and show her what she's been missing and bring her back into a relationship with Him.



On the relationship front, I'm becoming more convinced that, even if she comes back into faith, we are perhaps not best suited to each other. She likes very traditional catholic services, whereas I go to a fairly contemporary baptist church- things like Powerpoint and general happy-clappiness that she doesn't like.

When I get my exams etc over with, I'm planning on having a big heart to heart with her. Much as I love her, I don't think we can continue with the relationship as it stands.

On the plus side, though, if she comes to faith, I'll be overjoyed, even if we can't go on together.

 

[JoeV]

I'll pray! Hope it all goes well!

~God bless

 

[kuntrygurl_26]

I am in a similar situation myself. I am pentecostal and my boyfriend is nazareene. both christians yes but of different denominations. we have been thinking of long term as well and we sat and talked about the marriage and if it happens what church we would go to and what not. well we found out the the pentecostal and nazareene faith are very similar. the only one big difference is they believe in trinity and we believe in oneness. (not trying to strike up a debate here!) we have been talking about it and we both realized that it is all about compromise. We dont have to compromise our beliefs in order for this to work. I am not trying to convince him of mine and he is not trying to convince me of his. we have not decided as of yet which church we will go to. he has came to church with me and loved it and I am going to his church this weekend. I am a youth leader in my church and have been in this faith every since i was 3 years old and am now 20. he has the similar background but is not a youth leader. we have only been going out for 3 months, in his last relationship he kinda got off track with God and is slowly trying to get that fire back again. I am helping him! In a way yes i hope he does come to my beliefs and I know we must settle this before we marry. I have prayed about it and God has let me know that I am were he wants me to be and he put me in this relationship for a reason.

Just follow God and he will lead you! Pray about it before you do anything. If you see you cannt be with her even if she becomes a christian then end it. but dont get into a relationship right away. Pray and ask God to show you who he wants you to be with and wait. sometimes we must just be still and know that he is God!

 

[Holy Warrior]

Thanks for the advice, Kuntrygurl.

I'm just hanging on the edge at the mo, biding my time to have the big, defining chat with her. I'm at a crossroads- either I accept things I cannot change, or I make a clean break and find out what God wants of me. I'll not know His will until I find out where Anna now stands on this whole issue.

 

[kuntrygurl_26]

I will be sure to keep you in my prayers, but sometimes just becuase someone says they will change and become closer to God doesnt mean they will. Just becuase she may agree with you doesnt nesassarily mean yall are ment to be together.

 

[Holy Warrior]

That's true. I'll bear it in mind.

 

[Holy Warrior]

Well, we've had 'the talk'.

I feel awful- I haven't stopped crying. Basically, we both want to be together, though I want her to change by coming to church, etc and she doesn't want to- it's just not who she is.

We're going to be apart this coming fortnight anyway, so we've agreed to think things through and see how we feel then. I can't imagine things will change, though.

Quite frankly, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I just pray that God will lead me to do what is right by Him, and comfort me in this valley of darkness into which I've plunged.

 

[Nobility]

You will feel this way. It's called breaking up. I really do feel you've made the best decision as marrying a non-christian DOES make life hard... Remember your dreams:

I'm committed to Christ and want to live for him as best I can. I want a wife I can pray with, go to church with, teach our kids about God and all that.

\
If you give this up, you'll regret it later... Believe me hearts do heal.

I'm praying for you cos I know it's just so hard.

 

[OceanGirl]

Believe it or not, you did the right thing. You were very brave to move from a "comfortable" relationship to listen to what God says. God doesn't want us to be unequally yoked. God's plan isn't always our plan but it is always for the better. You are correct that your marriage probably would not have been very fruitful and filled with discord because of her lack of faith. Good luck with the other Christian girls you are interested in. They will make good wives for you someday, if you so choose. God always smiles on a relationship in which two believers are united. I am proud of your strength of heart and faith.

 

[Holy Warrior]

Cheers, guys, I appreciate it, I really do.

God bless!

 

[Mskedi]

Believe it or not, you did the right thing. You were very brave to move from a "comfortable" relationship to listen to what God says. God doesn't want us to be unequally yoked. God's plan isn't always our plan but it is always for the better. You are correct that your marriage probably would not have been very fruitful and filled with discord because of her lack of faith. Good luck with the other Christian girls you are interested in. They will make good wives for you someday, if you so choose. God always smiles on a relationship in which two believers are united. I am proud of your strength of heart and faith.

Wives??

 

[Blank123]

Well, we've had 'the talk'.

I feel awful- I haven't stopped crying. Basically, we both want to be together, though I want her to change by coming to church, etc and she doesn't want to- it's just not who she is.

We're going to be apart this coming fortnight anyway, so we've agreed to think things through and see how we feel then. I can't imagine things will change, though.

Quite frankly, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I just pray that God will lead me to do what is right by Him, and comfort me in this valley of darkness into which I've plunged.

 

[OceanGirl]

Wives??

LOL! I guess the phrasing on that can be changed slightly. I meant that any one would probably make a better wife than an unbeliever. My bad.

 

[Holy Warrior]

Well, having been away for a fortnight, I basically have bounced straight back into her arms. I feel strange- happy that I'm still with her, but also very confused- I've been seeing a lot (platonically) of one of the christian girls I mentioned earlier, and keep thinking how great it would be to be in a relationship with her. (I got really quite down about the whole thing over the weekend.) I guess it's a case of the grass always being greener on the other side.

I can't turn round right now and break things off yet again with Anna, even if I wanted to- I couldn't bring myself to cause her such emotional suffering again. I'm still trying to convince her to come to church with me, to get her into situations where the Holy Spirit can speak to her, and to be a good witness in general, though it's all rather difficult.

Thanks for your support guys; please continue to pray for me and Anna, that God would move to strengthen me against temptation and reveal Himself to her.

 

[kuntrygurl_26]

okay I don't want to have to be the bad guy here but....it isn't going to work. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change no matter how hard you try. I can tell you care for her alot...but sometimes that isn't enough. Trust me I did the same thing. I think instead of waiting on God to put the girl infront of you what he wants you with you have gone backwards.

BE STILL and know that he is God. He knows what he is doing.

 

[Natz]

I am praying for you! Be obedient to God and he will honour you commitment. Trust Him and obey His Word. You cannot save your gf, and you are disobeying the very Word and God you want her to serve. Although it may hurt, think of your testimony and the effect your standing up for God's word could have on her. Why should she become a Christian? What is the difference between you (the Christian) and her (the unsaved)? I hope I am not coming over judgemental...I am only speaking from experience.