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Critique & Advice

phoenix_kid82

Active Member
Jul 29, 2004
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Sydney
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Faith
Christian
Hi :)

This is something i wrote awhile ago & posted it in another area. When i write, it helps me order my thoughts. This is my style, although i don't usually usesymbols or metaphores as i have here.

It would be cool to work with this to practice writing poetry. I hope my style isn't to technical. Check it out:

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Collecting Badges (this does not belong in "hobbies")


I collect badges. I've been collecting them for a long time. Especially during the five years i spent away from God. I wear them like medals, and most people in my life know me by them. I feel like they've become part of me, like i don't even know who i am without them.

Most of them are quite colourful, some i paid a very high price for, some are quite rare. They make people stare. They fascinate people. Some are very envious, some commend me, some befriend me so they can wear a badge that says "i know an ex-this" or "i'm down with a former-that".

However, the fruits of this labour have been of no value. In fact, they have taken away the value of anything i do have by honest means and integrity. Any praise or vip treatment "gained" by this exercise is empty to me. Because it's not for me, it's for a false god i've caused them to perceive.

And as for any praise that comes my way from people who have seen through a few layers over the years, i instinctively throw that away also, because i deserve nothing.

I have tried to make a god of myself in this world. I have made the things of this world which are important to man and despicable to God the things i strive for and the things i cause others to strive for. I am responsible for causing little ones to stumble. I have empowered them to pursue death.

These badges have been my pride, but not my joy. I have traded my true identity for them, and so much more i'm sure.

Not to sure why i'm sharing this, i just felt like i needed to. God's taking me deeper. I'm not expecting any answers, or for others to know what i'm on about. But if you're reading this now, thanx for letting me share this with U
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So i'd like to know what others think, & if i was to turn this into a poem, what would be the best way to go about it?

Thanx so much, anything is appreciated.

phoenix_kid82