My son is 4 and recently has developed the habit of coveting. We all know this is one of the "major" sins listed in the 10 commandments so it is not a problem where one should dismiss it as "just a phase children that age go through" although it may be true but still it has to be dealt with and nothing I have done so far has worked. I wonder if others have encountered this problem and how you effectively dealt with it? I have told my son he should appreciate the things he has. I have showed him in the Bible where it says it is wrong and displeases God. I have reasoned with him explaining he has his own things, etc, but nothing seems to be getting through to him. Here is an example of what he does, he got a new pair of nice character shoes last month but now he sees another kid's shoes and wants his or we go in a store and he wants a ball even though he has lots of balls at home or someone has a cup he likes and he decides he wants their cup not his own and he can be quite stubborn about this. For example, he will just refuse to drink from his cup. That is fine because he can do without, but the coveting is not fine. Or his new shoes, he will kick them and say he does not like them anymore and does not want them. This too is fine because I just tell him, "okay, you don't have to wear them, but you can't have the other person's shoes". Since it is winter time, it does not take him long to go ahead and wear his shoes instead of going barefooted but it does not take away the problem of coveting. Has anyone dealt with this before?
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coveting
- Thread starter lookinguptoo
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I think jealousy is actually a pretty universal thing among 4 year olds. I'm not saying that is okay to dissmiss it. On the contrary, I think it is unfair to to dissmiss anything our children feel very strongly about.
When I am in this situation, the first thing I try to do is search my own heart regarding my reaction to him. I think I tend to feel embarassed when my son acts jealous or stubborn. I like to think I can do a better job raising my children, and then when they act like human beings I feel like maybe I failed. So I feel embarassed or even ashamed, and I just want to make the problem go away quickly.
The trouble is that those feelings don't really help my son. Shaming him just creates more unpleasant feelings for him, and doesn't help him get a handle on any of them.
The truth is that we all have unpleasant feelings, and it isn't our feelings that determine our character -- it is what we do with those feelings.
So, I try to empathize with him. I try to say things like, "I can understand why you wish you had those shoes. Sometimes I wish for things I can't have too. It doesn't feel good at all walking around wishing for things, does it? It makes your heart hurt a little bit."
For some kids who are emotionally sensitive, this is enough. Honestly, some kids really just need to feel understood. My son is a "thinker" though, and often I can appeal to his sense of reason. We've had long conversations about how God blesses different people in different ways. How everyone's life looks a little different. Maybe he can't celebrate his sneakers today, but there are a million gifts in his life that he *can* celebrate.
When I am in this situation, the first thing I try to do is search my own heart regarding my reaction to him. I think I tend to feel embarassed when my son acts jealous or stubborn. I like to think I can do a better job raising my children, and then when they act like human beings I feel like maybe I failed. So I feel embarassed or even ashamed, and I just want to make the problem go away quickly.
The trouble is that those feelings don't really help my son. Shaming him just creates more unpleasant feelings for him, and doesn't help him get a handle on any of them.
The truth is that we all have unpleasant feelings, and it isn't our feelings that determine our character -- it is what we do with those feelings.
So, I try to empathize with him. I try to say things like, "I can understand why you wish you had those shoes. Sometimes I wish for things I can't have too. It doesn't feel good at all walking around wishing for things, does it? It makes your heart hurt a little bit."
For some kids who are emotionally sensitive, this is enough. Honestly, some kids really just need to feel understood. My son is a "thinker" though, and often I can appeal to his sense of reason. We've had long conversations about how God blesses different people in different ways. How everyone's life looks a little different. Maybe he can't celebrate his sneakers today, but there are a million gifts in his life that he *can* celebrate.
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I like that, Evening mist
. Very well said
It is good that you are showing Him God's Word and pointing out what God says about coveting. Go a step more and tell him "Let's pray about this coveting problem, ask God to help us. Ask Him for forgive." etc... It's really ultimately an issue of his relationship to God.
Another thing I've done with my own kids when they get the "gimmees" is I have them count their blessings. List off the things that they do have. One other thing I did recently was I had the kids each get something from their room to put in a charity/Goodwill giveaway box. I explained that there are some children who have very few toys and how much fun it would be to help them feel loved by giving them something fun to play with. You have to be careful that you don't make them feel ashamed or pressured to give their things up. Charity should be given willingly. They said no at first but they both eventually agreed that they'd like to give their truck and teddy bear to another little boy or girl.
I stuggle with coveting myself
. Very well saidIt is good that you are showing Him God's Word and pointing out what God says about coveting. Go a step more and tell him "Let's pray about this coveting problem, ask God to help us. Ask Him for forgive." etc... It's really ultimately an issue of his relationship to God.
Another thing I've done with my own kids when they get the "gimmees" is I have them count their blessings. List off the things that they do have. One other thing I did recently was I had the kids each get something from their room to put in a charity/Goodwill giveaway box. I explained that there are some children who have very few toys and how much fun it would be to help them feel loved by giving them something fun to play with. You have to be careful that you don't make them feel ashamed or pressured to give their things up. Charity should be given willingly. They said no at first but they both eventually agreed that they'd like to give their truck and teddy bear to another little boy or girl.
I stuggle with coveting myself
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Thank you for the advise ladies. I have been taking the praying route and it has been working. I like the charity idea, unfortunately charity is not something done in my country. People would be very insulted if they were given old toys or clothes nor do we have charity that goes to foreign countries. Basically the government just sends aid to other countries. I want my son to have a charitable heart but charity here is not a part of the culture.
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I live in Asia where the churches are few and space is limited so most churches don't have nurseries as you know them.
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