Courting...

[Iamnewinchrist]

What is the Major differences? I believe I've only really courted a woman one. Only because for most of my life I've dated. Intimacy is hard for to not have only because of being the Male I love to let my woman know I am there for her by holding her and kissing her, you know really feeling the connection. As a single man I want a Godly relationship! A woman who is in-love with God and someone I want to be one in the flesh with. Before I start to befuddle this with all my crazy word antics, from a christian womans point of view, how does this look?

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Courting is a fancy word Christians use for dating to feel set apart from the herd of non-believers who "date". The reality is that, in these times, there is no difference. As much as they would love to argue it to make them feel special, courting is simply dating.

Now if you go back about 50 years or more, courtship actually had a different meaning. However, culture has changed and overall accepts the term of dating to cover all forms of courtship, especially since now days people are much more likely to involve themselves in intimacy that traditional courtship would not have allowed.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

Courting is a fancy word Christians use for dating to feel set apart from the herd of non-believers who "date". The reality is that, in these times, there is no difference. As much as they would love to argue it to make them feel special, courting is simply dating.

Now if you go back about 50 years or more, courtship actually had a different meaning. However, culture has changed and overall accepts the term of dating to cover all forms of courtship, especially since now days people are much more likely to involve themselves in intimacy that traditional courtship would not have allowed.

I definitely understand that. It's just as a follower of Christ I am above the worlds standards, and so are all Christians. I don't belong here and am only here temporary until Jesus comes back. As a new creature in Christ I want to court, not just to "date" as I did before I knew God. Before He came into my life and I accepted his call, I followed my "flesh" and the worlds standards. His standards for me are better than my own. My main question is more of just wondering, especially from a Christian womans point of view, what would that "Courting" look like?

 

[K9_Trainer]

The only difference is the word IMO.

If you're going to attempt to establish a meaningful relationship with a woman that you intend to marry, YOU set the boundaries, standards, and expectations for that relationship, not the word. It doesn't matter what you call it. Your actions and your attitude is what matters. Call it whatever you want.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

I guess the word "courting" in my mind does set a better standard . It reminds me of a time when Chivarly still ruled, and respect was still apart of the process. Yes your right, dating could be used as the same word, IMO I just believe most people have lost those values and have just replaced courting with dating.. Would you beable to give an example of what that "courting" would look like? After all I believe thats why I actually started this thread haha.

 

[LinkH]

Courting is what people did in the old days. The young man went to visit the young woman at her father's house, maybe sitting on the front porch with other people around to make sure they didn't do anything they weren't supposed to. He might ask her father's permission before he courted her.

 

[Luther073082]

I guess the word "courting" in my mind does set a better standard . It reminds me of a time when Chivarly still ruled,

Chivalry never ruled even when it was first invented. Chivalry is an idea and was never widely used.

When people talk of Chivalry they think of Knights in shining armor. Those same Knight's who they associate with heroic and noble deeds where far more likely to rape and pillage then save a damsel in distress.

and respect was still apart of the process.

How do you know it's not? I think you are judging unbelievers here by making assumptions.

Yes your right, dating could be used as the same word, IMO I just believe most people have lost those values and have just replaced courting with dating.. Would you beable to give an example of what that "courting" would look like? After all I believe thats why I actually started this thread haha.

That's the thing, there is no difference. It's just an idea that Christians invented to make themselves feel holier.

Dating is what you and the person you are dating make it. So if you want to make your relationship God pleasing. . . you don't have to invent the term "courting" to do so.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

Courting is what people did in the old days. The young man went to visit the young woman at her father's house, maybe sitting on the front porch with other people around to make sure they didn't do anything they weren't supposed to. He might ask her father's permission before he courted her.

Thak you Link

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

Chivalry never ruled even when it was first invented. Chivalry is an idea and was never widely used.

When people talk of Chivalry they think of Knights in shining armor. Those same Knight's who they associate with heroic and noble deeds where far more likely to rape and pillage then save a damsel in distress.



How do you know it's not? I think you are judging unbelievers here by making assumptions.



That's the thing, there is no difference. It's just an idea that Christians invented to make themselves feel holier.

Dating is what you and the person you are dating make it. So if you want to make your relationship God pleasing. . . you don't have to invent the term "courting" to do so.

I really Have to disagree with you Luther, Chiverly did once rule among people as a full standard, not even just in the Christian world but as a whole standard. Call me judging all you want, I'm just looking for a higher personal standard . If you could give me a real example, that's awesome! If not, then kindly leave.

 

[toLiJC]

you just need the Eden in this world and this is a quite natural thing - may the true God and Jesus arrange/organize your life therein

Isaiah 1:19 "If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:"

Blessings

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

you just need the Eden of this world and this is a quite natural thing - may the true God and Jesus arrange/organize your life therein

Blessings

Please explain toL?

 

[toLiJC]

Please explain toL?

we mean that it is not a sin if a human needs the Eden which the true Lord God has made in the physical world, for until a human still live in this world it is a user here, and albeit we(the humans) are just guests in this world, after all everyone normally needs a good realization of the life here

Blessings

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

we mean that it is not a sin if a human needs the Eden which the true Lord God has made in the physical world, for until a human still live in this world it is a user here, and albeit we(the humans) are just guests in this world, after all everyone normally needs a good realization of the life here

Blessings

Awesome! Thank you very much for that. I just want to live a better way and use the gift of life I've been given WAY better than I did before. Amen! Yes I will mess up, and It will never be perfect, but that shouldn't stop me from having a higher standard for myself . It's in my heart.

 

[Luther073082]

I really Have to disagree with you Luther, Chiverly did once rule among people as a full standard, not even just in the Christian world but as a whole standard. Call me judging all you want, I'm just looking for a higher personal standard . If you could give me a real example, that's awesome! If not, then kindly leave.

You should really read history a little more closely if you think Chivalry was ever really standard behavior. Like it or not a knight's favorite thing to do was take a city and spend a good week raping the women in the city and taking what ever material goods they liked.

Now as for a higher personal standard, I encourage you to seek God standards in your relationship with women. You only date with the intention of eventually getting married. If you are in a relationship with a woman and realize that you don't want to or can not spend the rest of your life with her, then you break up with her and don't waste her time or yours.

You obviously don't have sex until you are married.

And you only date people who are Christians.

Those are the standards that God would have you following in dating.

I wouldn't call it courting, the word is far too associated with Christians trying to out do other Christians and seem as though they are better then others because they have changed the name of it. This is a recent thing, and does not have history or tradition in the church.

The church has not been very different from the world in the regard to what it called the process of courtship. Back when they called it courting, which was essentially the same thing as modern dating but probably more supervised, the church called it courting. When popular culture change the word to dating, the church called it dating. It wasn't until recently, probably the 90's that someone came up with this idea to call it "counting" and started telling people to court and not date.

Before that the church just told people to date but don't have sex and date to look for a spouse like I've just done.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

You should really read history a little more closely if you think Chivalry was ever really standard behavior. Like it or not a knight's favorite thing to do was take a city and spend a good week raping the women in the city and taking what ever material goods they liked.

Now as for a higher personal standard, I encourage you to seek God standards in your relationship with women. You only date with the intention of eventually getting married. If you are in a relationship with a woman and realize that you don't want to or can not spend the rest of your life with her, then you break up with her and don't waste her time or yours.

You obviously don't have sex until you are married.

And you only date people who are Christians.

Those are the standards that God would have you following in dating.

I wouldn't call it courting, the word is far too associated with Christians trying to out do other Christians and seem as though they are better then others because they have changed the name of it. This is a recent thing, and does not have history or tradition in the church.

The church has not been very different from the world in the regard to what it called the process of courtship. Back when they called it courting, which was essentially the same thing as modern dating but probably more supervised, the church called it courting. When popular culture change the word to dating, the church called it dating. It wasn't until recently, probably the 90's that someone came up with this idea to call it "counting" and started telling people to court and not date.

Before that the church just told people to date but don't have sex and date to look for a spouse like I've just done.

Ok thank you for that example . God Bless your heart.

 

[jenjen486]

Well I can see how there is confusion in what the difference is in courting/dating...b/c there are so many christians that still try to look like the world...lukewarm. They think they stand strong enough to date just like the rest of the world, but we all have the same flesh, and can fall into lust,sexual immorality. This is what God has convinced me of as far as courting. It's not something casual like dating. Courting should be done with the intent of marrying someone. We shouldn't just enter into a relationship lightly, once we come to know Christ. Holding hands, kissing, etc. are all intimate things that are intended for a couple that has been ordained by God. There is nothing wrong with some affection while courting, but we should know the limits. That intimacy should be with your intended spouse. I realize I could just as easily fall into those things now, if I'm not on guard. It can be hard to fight those desires, but we have to know that it's not worth giving in to...b/c it's not pleasing to God. I've been convinced that for the most part, there should be some kind of accountability, to keep you from falling in to something impure. We just have to make sure that we are walking by the Spirit so that we don't gratify our own fleshly desires.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

Well I can see how there is confusion in what the difference is in courting/dating...b/c there are so many christians that still try to look like the world...lukewarm. They think they stand strong enough to date just like the rest of the world, but we all have the same flesh, and can fall into lust,sexual immorality. This is what God has convinced me of as far as courting. It's not something casual like dating. Courting should be done with the intent of marrying someone. We shouldn't just enter into a relationship lightly, once we come to know Christ. Holding hands, kissing, etc. are all intimate things that are intended for a couple that has been ordained by God. There is nothing wrong with some affection while courting, but we should know the limits. That intimacy should be with your intended spouse. I realize I could just as easily fall into those things now, if I'm not on guard. It can be hard to fight those desires, but we have to know that it's not worth giving in to...b/c it's not pleasing to God. I've been convinced that for the most part, there should be some kind of accountability, to keep you from falling in to something impure. We just have to make sure that we are walking by the Spirit so that we don't gratify our own fleshly desires.

Exactly Jen. That is the main purpose I started this thread, to understand the more Godly side to dating and what would please him in relationship. Courting to me represents a higher standard in what God wants for me in a relationship rather than just the mundane dating. It's so misconstrude even in the old days. I want to undersatnd how to please God and get closer to him, but I know one day, maybe soon, I will meet a woman who may want the same thing. And as the wisdom from God prompts me to be a better person, advice from a Godly woman never hurts either.

 

[Dave-W]

That is the main purpose I started this thread, to understand the more Godly side to dating and what would please him in relationship. Courting to me represents a higher standard in what God wants for me in a relationship rather than just the mundane dating.

There are probably as many different "models" of courtship as there are of dating.

To me, the main difference between the 2 is that dating is JUST between the couple, where courting involves someone else in the relationship, which brings a measure of outside accountability. It may be the parents; it may be congregational leadership, it may be a mentor or close friend.

A secondary difference is that dating usually does not have a goal, and courting often (but not always) is a stepping stone toward engagement. So that makes courtship relationships generally shorter than dating relationships. If a dating relationship is comfortable but not going anywhere, no big deal. If courtship is not moving toward engagement and marriage, then it usually gets dropped and another courtship started.