Courting

[YouthPastor]

YouthPastor: I tottally agree with you about the age thing. When I look back on it I think it was young as well.
The age I was at and my boyfriend was at were times when growing up is happening at a fast rate and you change alot. Fortunatly we changed towards each other. It's really hard to explain my feelings to wards him at first and now. We just clicked and now we are looking for engagment rings. God works in strange ways.

You are to be commended. You do not take dating as a thing to do "just because" or to try and "fill a need" in your life.

 

[He put me back together]

When you get involved in a "dating" environment - you WILL become emotionally attached to that person. You give your heart to that person in a sense. Each time that "emotional attachment" is broken it WILL have an affect on you. You then take those emotional "scars" with you into the next emotional relationship, you become again become emotionall attached, howver this time you also have the "scars" from the previous relationship - When this relationship ends - you know have emotional "scars" from TWO replationships - If you end up "dating" 5 people before you find your spouse - You will have given your "heart" to 4 other people and have emotional "scars" that you will bring with you.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.

While alot of different things you go through in life will affect you - dating/emotional relationships - affect your "heart" and with that you can not be too careful.

Are you saying that people who "court" never have emotional attachments? Are you saying that we should only have emotional attachments to people we are already married to? You don't get emotionally attached to your friends? If never holding hands brings you closer to your companion, wouldn't you be MORE emotionally involved with them, since you are attached to a real person, and not flesh?

It doesn't matter if two people hold hands or not--emotional attachments will be there, if your heart will be as Jesus' heart was. Among friends, among family, among suitors. Yahweh will have you leave them all for his sake. We are not to be cold hearted. We are to be prepared, and wise. Compassionate, but able.

Holding hands has nothing to do with dating anyone you wouldn't marry, and neither does the absense of chaperones, for adults. Dating and courting have the same definition. Name me any period in time since the Medival period where this isn't true, and I'll show you a piece of literature written in that time that proves you wrong. (Of course, we have lyrics from before the medival period, but for those we have to dig deep. But, well, the English language gets screwy back there so I suppose "courting" would be a rare word)

Should we date someone who has differing doctrines? Not a good idea at all. Should we date someone who isn't TRULY equally yoked, though they have the same doctrines? God's spirit will have to tell us who is and who isn't, if we have to find out without getting to know them first. Is it good to date a nonbeliever? Not a chance. Should we only date the person we're going to marry? If that's true, why not skip courting and marry them? Do people who never hold hands with anyone else never have emotional attachments? To say so is absurd.

 

[YouthPastor]

depends on what you mean by court - to alot of people it is the same thing.

 

[He put me back together]

ugh...forget English language. I mean languages in general

 

[He put me back together]

depends on what you mean by court - to alot of people it is the same thing.

Well, it IS the same thing. Some people had differing courting practices, but the term "courting" referred to them all, and they often coexisted. Adults who had suitors apart from chaperones weren't always loose people.

 

[lil_god_lova]

personally i like a dating/courtship way of it...
intent of marriage from first day of going out, but physcial contact... right now i am in the middle of making a decision about kissing with my bf. We've gone to far, til our thought lives have been compromised so i said no kissing for two weeks... and that was a week ago, now we are thinking about giving it up altogether unless we decide to get married... Yes i've kissed him before, but we think holding off now til we marry will be better for us and the relatstionship and our relationships with god... and it will center aroudn god more... so yeah that's just my view... not laying down together, no kissing, no being close for too many hours, and most of the time in other company, or expected companmy (ie walking)
yeah so bye

 

[IslandBreeze]

I think He Put Me Back Together is right on track. You can't even be friends with someone without becoming emotionally involved. It's absurd to think that you can "court" without becoming emotionally involved. Not to mention, why deprive yourselves of all intimacy (i.e., hand holding, hugs, etc.)? I just don't understand the reasoning behind Josh Harris' ideals.

 

[Super Gnat]

My friend's family believes in courting. And what it is, in their church, is this....

When a young man has the intent to get to know and marry a woman, he talks to her father. Never to her, only to her father. He gets to know her dad and talk to him and endear himself to him. Then he asks permission to get to know the daughter. He is never allowed alone with her, they are never allowed to hold hands, kiss or anything. Eventually he is expected to ask for a marriage blessing ... otherwise he never would have been allowed to court in the first place ... and the father either gives it or doesnt, depending on the interaction he sees between his daughter and the guy. After they are engaged, they might be able to spend time alone, but still no touching, no holding hands, no hugging no nothing until after the wedding.


Exteme no-contact dating-the-father-first kind of dating.

How does this work for older people?

As for me (DISCLAIMER: Never been in a serious relationship), I can understand courting at a less extreme level than shown above. My ideal system would be the same as moemily's. I can't imagine dating/courting a guy who I didn't already know. But I can understand how people who tend to jump in and out of dating relationships would benefit from a mostly non-physical relationship that's geared toward marriage. But what I worry about is that people will take the no-contact thing legalistically and then have trouble opening up sexually when they're married.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I don't believe in dating for the sake of dating. Dating someone you just met is a ridiculous notion to me. I believe dating should be looking for that person you want to marry. If you look at them and think "I don't think I want to marry this person" then you shouldn't date them. When I started dating my first (and current) "boyfriend" (I hate that term) I looked at him and thought "I can see myself marrying this guy.

As for courting, I think it depends on couple to couple. I wouldn't want to court as most see it (no physical, no alone time). I'd be too worried about fronts, that the other person was putting up to impress the parental units. I'm a very physical person. I hug people, squeeze arms, poke, etc. I want to be able to hug him, hold his hand, kiss him. That's me. That works for me. It's not the same for all people.