Courting vs Dating

[ZoneChaos]

I am sure this has come up several times, and submittign a link is more than welcome to similar topics..

But what I am looking for are examples that have and have not worked both in dating and in Courting... though more so in courting.

 

[Mrs K 2004]

I feel that dating is looked at as more "fun" with less intentions of anything really...

Courting in my opinion is an attempt at starting a life together!

I would never again "date" someone; it's too casual! Courting was searchign for that one person! I lucked out and he was the first person I ever "dated" and the person who stuck by me in my rebellion phase

 

[catch22]

Yeah I agree With Mrs. K. Courtship is far more important, and so I've given up dating too....even though I wasn't exactly much of a dater before. This mst be like the third or fourth time I've recommended this book today, but "Boy Meets Girl" is an excellent book on courting.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Dating and courtship are hard to define. Everyone define's them differently. Courting, I believe is more about marriage then dating. It's more formal.

I think dating leads to too much too fast.

But I think with courting people are on their "best behavior" for the other person's family. I think couples should have alone time to get to know the "real" them and get to know them on a deeper, more personal level. When you're alone together, you learn things about them you might not in front of other people. There's really no chance for this in courting.

 

[Injured Soldier]

I hope all the "courting couples" don't mind a single visiting their forum, but I had to see what the other side of the fence was like before I decide to give up looking for a member of the fairer gender that would put up with me for the rest of her life. Needless to say, this is very different discussion from the Singles Forum, so forgive me if I'm ignorant of some things in this discussion.

Honestly, I find the courting/dating distinction frightfully confusing. To me, it is just renaming stuff to make it sound better. I'm not bagging people who want to use the word "courting", but I've always used the word "dating", and I've always thought of it with marriage in mind as the end result (although the first few dates are get to know you kind of stuff understandably). I believe in boundaries in dating, and they probably aren't too different to your courting boundaries.

But I think with courting people are on their "best behavior" for the other person's family.

I'm confused about this. As a Christian shouldn't you always be on your best behaviour in front of everyone? I'm not saying we should be perfect or anything, but we have to love other people besides our friends, significant other, and SO's family. This is one of my rules of dating, I am bound to a girl's father and mother to look after their daughter when we go out on a date, and always try to be on my best behaviour. It's almost one of my faults - I'm too nice. I have had female friend's mothers say that they wish I would propose to their daughter because they think it would be great to have me as a son-in-law, but for some reason the girls have other ideas.

I think couples should have alone time to get to know the "real" them and get to know them on a deeper, more personal level. When you're alone together, you learn things about them you might not in front of other people. There's really no chance for this in courting.

I'm sorry, but I'm lost on this one too. Are you saying Courting allows for more alone time and thus a deeper relationship, or it doesn't? Also remember that you have to know people in all situations before you make a commitment of marriage to them, they could be real honest when you are alone together, but they could also berate you in front of friends to soothe their own insecurity. You have to see a whole range of situations and how they react before you decide to spend your lives with them. Again, courting/dating, doesn't matter, you say tomato and I say tomato. At least I think.

Ah, maybe I just get worked up on this issue because I'm dating or courting no one at all.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I'm confused about this. As a Christian shouldn't you always be on your best behaviour in front of everyone? I'm not saying we should be perfect or anything, but we have to love other people besides our friends, significant other, and SO's family. This is one of my rules of dating, I am bound to a girl's father and mother to look after their daughter when we go out on a date, and always try to be on my best behaviour.

I can't say what I'm thinking properly. So be patient while I try. Every single person has faults. They also have little quirks. From my experience and observation, people try to hide these in front of parents and family in order to like them more. It's a normal thing to do. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying that's the way it is. Those little quirk, those little faults a person should know so they can learn to adjust to them. When you enter into marriage not knowing them, it's a huge surprise.

I'm sorry, but I'm lost on this one too. Are you saying Courting allows for more alone time and thus a deeper relationship, or it doesn't? Also remember that you have to know people in all situations before you make a commitment of marriage to them, they could be real honest when you are alone together, but they could also berate you in front of friends to soothe their own insecurity. You have to see a whole range of situations and how they react before you decide to spend your lives with them. Again, courting/dating, doesn't matter, you say tomato and I say tomato. At least I think.

I'm saying that courting does not allow for alone time, just the guy and girl, and letting the relationship grow deeper. I have hurts from my past that I told my beloved and only him. I don't know why I don't want anyone else to know them. It's not because it's something to be ashamed of, it's just something that means enough to me that I only want him to know. I wouldn't tell it to him in front of his parents. Yet, as the guy who wants to marry me, he should understand who I am, what makes me think and things that have happened in the past. Sometimes the only person who has to know (and should know) is that person you want to marry. Courting, sometimes those little things that can bring you together, or tear you apart, aren't addressed. You should definately spend time with their family and friends! I agree with that totally! I just think the couple should have time for themselves too.

I don't like dating. I don't like courting. With my "boyfriend" we're best frriends. We were best friends before, we're best friends now. We don't fit into dating or courting. We spend time alone, but the intent was always marriage.

We need a word for best friends who want to get married. THat's what we are and it's been working great thus far

 

[Injured Soldier]

I get it now Lizzi4Christ. Thanks for explaining.

We need a word for best friends who want to get married. THat's what we are and it's been working great thus far

But that's still courting/dating/relationship, just with friendship as the basis. It is a good idea to have friendship as a basis in a relationship, that feeling of butterflies and being in love is nothing but a fleeting deception. A nice deception, but deception nonetheless, and I agree that feeling of romance has become the prime reason for marriages today, and this is why there are so many divorces in the Western world today, because the romance goes away and the marriage is built on nothing else.

People base their relationships on a lot of things, but we still call it dating or courting. The most stable is friendship, others romance, others settling for second or third best because they are tired of waiting, non-Christians often base a relationship on sex or lust (unfortunately some Christians do too ), and arranged marriages base a marriage on what their parents decide. I'm no good at English, so I'm arguing for a lower vocabulary, not a larger one.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

But see, my personal relstionship is not dating or courting, at least, not by the definitions that most use. We're 500 miles apart. We've never really been on a date. But we've been alone by ourselves, so it's not courting. We act just like we did when we were best friends, we're just heading towards marriage. It's not the exact same thing as dating or courting. Eh, I'm getting confused now, lol

 

[DaveKerwin]

But what I am looking for are examples that have and have not worked both in dating and in Courting... though more so in courting.

I guess I don't really understand your question, if you could be more specific that would be good. I will try in the mean time. What works is finding a woman that you are equally yoked with (in terms of being a christian, in terms of how you want to live your life, personality, and so on). Failures in relationships is matchign yourself with someone you are not equal with, having premarital sex, leaving God out, etc.

Hopefully that will provoke some questions, and you can be a bit more specific.

 

[Rols]

Hey I have a few thougts on this dating vs. courting issue. I don't think the there is a 'vs.' between the two really, it is not a dichotomy. The real issue is entering a relationship that will glorify God i.e pleasing God in the way we conduct our relationships!!!!!!!!!! But anyway for the sake of simplicity here are just a few things I have learnt concerning both C & D in Bible classes, readings of the the Bible, my relationship, and my own walk with God

In the strict sense Courtship the biblical way is a shared event between a man and woman, under fatherly supervision with marriage as the end goal.

Dating in the strictest sense of the word is the same, but not under fatherly supervision or marriage as the goal, instead the primary purpose is the pursuit of of personal pleasure!! and self-gratification
^
Now I know you may think that pursuing the type of biblical courthship in today's world is a bit unrealistic, but God had a reason for this template I guess. It provides a safe atmosphere for cultivating a godly relationship, and encourages sexual purrity and moral purity if you like due to the element of accountability. A tree is always known by its fruits

Courtship and dating produce different kinds of fruit. A typical dating relationship would go from being interested in someone to 'going steady'. The there is a break up, you find a new partner and repeat the cycle. When you get tired you find someoneelse!!!!

Courting on the hand helps to avoid the very appearance of evil, minimised temptations. The fatherly element does not mean your parents (father) choosed your partner or imposes a relationship on you, see Genesis 24:58, after Rebekah's father spoke with Abraham's servant and gave his consent for her to marry Isaac, he asked her 'Will thou go with this man?'he did not force her, she gave her consent. What am i tryin to get atis this, biblicaly applied today, if a young man is interested in a girl he approaches her father with purpose of 'courting' her to win her heart in marriage. You don't start a relationship because you are tryin out the prospects. You go with the intent to marry. And the foundation of a true blossoming courtship is committment, while the basis of romantic love is a mere feeling.

See what I Thessalonians 4: 3 says about conducting relationships

3For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.

When we enter a relationship (whether we choose to call it 'courtship' or 'dating', we should aim to respect the 'hearts' and 'body' of the other person, not attempting to 'defraud' them as the passage says, knwoing full wel that we wish to satisfy our own personal pleasure. Possessing our vessel in santification and honour.

On that note, it's quite difficult to find a 'failed courtship' - if courtship is completely practiced in the biblical way - as opposed to a failed dating story.Because you you ideally establish a pure friendship with the person and decide that you want to court them if they are marriage material i.e you start courting when you are ready for marriage. In fact the terms dating and courtship are never used in the bible, only 'bethrothed' in old and new testament if you want to take it to another level.

Go to google and type in courtship stories on the ylcf.org website, and someting should come up for for real life courtship stories!!! (very interesting indeed, but some of them are quite strange) I highly reccommend the Chad and Heidi story and the Mathew and Maranatha one out of interest!!!