Courting vs. dating

[yourstrulyjulie]

What is the difference? Can someone in a courting relationship please tell me what makes your relationship different from someone who is dating??

 

[Fatally.Yours]

No idea, where I'm from courting is just an old people word for dating.

 

[Luther073082]

The definition of courting varies between people. Some people say courting because they think that the term dating means you are having sex. But I don't see "Sex" in the term dating.

Other people say courting because they (no matter their age) have chaperones, the female's father has to give permission for everything from speaking to her to taking her out to engagement no matter how old she is, they don't kiss the person they are courting, and they insist they are just friends right up to the day they get engaged.

To me its all very silly, the courting bit. I highly recommend you avoid it at all costs.

 

[dayhiker]

I say forget the definitions of terms and when you meet the guy your interested talk to him and see if you agree about the general definition of how you want the relationship to mature. How much time together, on the phone. How much time alone or going out with friends. Sex no sex. Max time before making the commitment to get married. Not that that has to be defined the 1st week you meet. As the relationship start to grow, get things out on the table and agree .. if no agreement, move on.

 

[explodingboy]

It's one of them subjects where you set fire to the dictionary, and actually bother to talk and discuss each others understanings of a term generally.

Courting is in essence all the same activities of dating, with all the same precautions of dating, and with the gerneral idea of dating but expecting a different use of terminology to change human nature.

 

[Valerita]

I use the "Joshua Harris" definition of courting.

Courting is essentially seeing if you are compatible for marriage with another person. Not a sense of pre-engagement (like you're already going to marry this person), but a "could I spend the rest of my life with this person?"

Dating is more of a "lets go out and whatever and if we happen to feel like we can get married, whatever". Courting is more serious. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have chaperones on all your dates, or you can only hold hands until your wedding, and all that jazz. You set the terms. It just means, in my opinion, that you are more serious about getting married than just having a boy/girlfriend.

 

[The Nihilist]

What is the difference? Can someone in a courting relationship please tell me what makes your relationship different from someone who is dating??

Courting is what you do if you got homeschooled. Dating is what you do if you want your neighbors to not think you're weird 15 years from now.

 

[The Nihilist]

I use the "Joshua Harris" definition of courting.

Courting is essentially seeing if you are compatible for marriage with another person. Not a sense of pre-engagement (like you're already going to marry this person), but a "could I spend the rest of my life with this person?"

That's an awful idea. Nothing kills the mood like that kind of pressure. "This girl is pretty and I have a modest interest in her. SHOULD I GET MARRiED?!"

Dating is more of a "lets go out and whatever and if we happen to feel like we can get married, whatever". Courting is more serious. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have chaperones on all your dates,

Freals. I mean, you can't share a malt with grownups watching!

or you can only hold hands until your wedding, and all that jazz. You set the terms. It just means, in my opinion, that you are more serious about getting married than just having a boy/girlfriend.

Dating is where you learn how to deal with people in the context of a relationship. I screwed up a lot of relationships before I figured out how not to do that. This kind of all or nothing insistence on jumping into marriage is why y'all have a higher divorce rate than we do. Google the Barna study if you want the details.

 

[yourstrulyjulie]

Courting is what you do if you got homeschooled. Dating is what you do if you want your neighbors to not think you're weird 15 years from now.

this is probably the truest statement so far haha. Everyone I have ever known that was "courting" was homeschooled.

I just wondered if there was a widely accepted definition of courting. Seems like everyone has a different idea of it.

 

[mina]

semantics..... they are basically the same thing. Most people I know that "courted" really made it known that they "courted" and in my personal opinion chose that word to make it appear that they were spiritually superior. Probably 3/4 of the people I know that "courted" are now divorced so I don't think it was the better word to choose. Also when you court, one member of the couple has to wear a hoop skirt.

 

[Luther073082]

Dating is more of a "lets go out and whatever and if we happen to feel like we can get married, whatever". Courting is more serious. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have chaperones on all your dates, or you can only hold hands until your wedding, and all that jazz. You set the terms. It just means, in my opinion, that you are more serious about getting married than just having a boy/girlfriend.

Who said dating was just "lets go out and whatever and if we happen to feel like we can get married, whatever"??

Dating is a lot like drinking alcohol there are a lot of different ways you can do it.

You can date seriously looking for someone that is compatable for you to marry and only maintain relationships when you belive they may lead to marriage.

Or you can date casually.

Just like you can drink carefully and in moderation or you could get wasted.

semantics..... they are basically the same thing. Most people I know that "courted" really made it known that they "courted" and in my personal opinion chose that word to make it appear that they were spiritually superior.

Totally agree

 

[Valerita]

As quite a few people have stated, there are lots of different definitions. I was just using the one that was truest to my relationship, and the one that I read about with Joshua Harris.

We are courting, and no, we're not homeschooled.

 

[Luther073082]

As quite a few people have stated, there are lots of different definitions. I was just using the one that was truest to my relationship, and the one that I read about with Joshua Harris.

We are courting, and no, we're not homeschooled.

I just think its silly to call it courting in the first place though. Christians like to accuse the term "dating" of meaning everything from not being serious about the relationship to having lots of sex and things like that.

But listen, my parents arn't Christians at all, I grew up in the secular world and I have a pretty good feel for both the Christian and secular world. And the secular world doesn't read anything into dating other then two people are pursuing a relationship and spending time together. Thats it really. Sadly far too many Christians make massive assumptions about the secular western world that just arn't true.

To me the whole courting thing is just a recent purity cult invention to try to create some notion of spiritual supierority.

I'll try and hold myself back from a rant but I really am sick and tired of the purity pharisees.

 

[yourstrulyjulie]

Who said dating was just "lets go out and whatever and if we happen to feel like we can get married, whatever"??

Dating is a lot like drinking alcohol there are a lot of different ways you can do it.

You can date seriously looking for someone that is compatable for you to marry and only maintain relationships when you belive they may lead to marriage.

Or you can date casually.

Just like you can drink carefully and in moderation or you could get wasted.



Totally agree

I love this haha

 

[Valerita]

I just think its silly to call it courting in the first place though. Christians like to accuse the term "dating" of meaning everything from not being serious about the relationship to having lots of sex and things like that.

But listen, my parents arn't Christians at all, I grew up in the secular world and I have a pretty good feel for both the Christian and secular world. And the secular world doesn't read anything into dating other then two people are pursuing a relationship and spending time together. Thats it really. Sadly far too many Christians make massive assumptions about the secular western world that just arn't true.

To me the whole courting thing is just a recent purity cult invention to try to create some notion of spiritual supierority.

I'll try and hold myself back from a rant but I really am sick and tired of the purity pharisees.

Oh, I know the definition of dating. I live in the secular world as well. And I'm cer-her-her-tainly not trying to create a notion of superiority in any fashion. I'm really just trying to save the concept of courting vs. dating in the mind of other people. I've dated around and had dating relationships, and they're not bad (I'm not dissing them). Just strictly giving my definition of courting vs. dating is that courting is generally a more serious version of dating.

You wouldn't court someone you just kind of like, you court someone you're serious about. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Dating and courting are not right or wrong, they're just different yet exactly the same.

My "we are not homeschooled" comment was basically just to say that normal people can "court" as well as those that wear hoopskirts.

 

[Luther073082]

Oh, I know the definition of dating. I live in the secular world as well. And I'm cer-her-her-tainly not trying to create a notion of superiority in any fashion. I'm really just trying to save the concept of courting vs. dating in the mind of other people. I've dated around and had dating relationships, and they're not bad (I'm not dissing them). Just strictly giving my definition of courting vs. dating is that courting is generally a more serious version of dating.

You wouldn't court someone you just kind of like, you court someone you're serious about. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Dating and courting are not right or wrong, they're just different yet exactly the same.

My "we are not homeschooled" comment was basically just to say that normal people can "court" as well as those that wear hoopskirts.

I understood the homeschooled comment and I'm certainly not trying to sterotype you. However the courting thing is part of a sign I think of a bigger problem of Christians creating extra-biblical and downright pharasee type rules about how someone must carry themselves in potential romantic relationships.

This goes far beyond telling people to not have sex before they are married (which is biblical.) to telling them that they must "court" and often defining courting as a lot of different things from how you define it (which IMO is the least harmful definition) to telling people that they can't be boyfriend/girlfriend that they must be just friends until they get engaged to not kissing before marriage to not touching before marriage to not saying "I love you before marriage." I've even heard people advocate that you don't pray together before marriage.

Perhaps if it wasn't for all the other things that where associated with the terms, I wouldn't care much. But the very term courting to me has been associated with a bunch of purity pharisee's who have taken and tried to regulate every aspect of romantic relationships it makes my head want to explode.

And the reason I call them pharisee's is because the definition fits. The pharisee's in Jesus's time saw that God commanded them to keep the Sabbath Holy. So they took that good teaching and made up a bunch of insane regulations about what you could and could not do on the Sabbath.

The purity pharisee's do the exact same thing except with romantic relationships. They saw that God commands us to not have sex outside of marriage, which is a good and correct teaching. But then they've created a bunch of insane regulations about what you can and can't do in your relationship. And they have labeled all of their regulations "courting".

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not opposing what you are doing per se, I'm just opposed to the term because of all that its become associated with.

 

[Valerita]

I understood the homeschooled comment and I'm certainly not trying to sterotype you. However the courting thing is part of a sign I think of a bigger problem of Christians creating extra-biblical and downright pharasee type rules about how someone must carry themselves in potential romantic relationships.

This goes far beyond telling people to not have sex before they are married (which is biblical.) to telling them that they must "court" and often defining courting as a lot of different things from how you define it (which IMO is the least harmful definition) to telling people that they can't be boyfriend/girlfriend that they must be just friends until they get engaged to not kissing before marriage to not touching before marriage to not saying "I love you before marriage." I've even heard people advocate that you don't pray together before marriage.

Perhaps if it wasn't for all the other things that where associated with the terms, I wouldn't care much. But the very term courting to me has been associated with a bunch of purity pharisee's who have taken and tried to regulate every aspect of romantic relationships it makes my head want to explode.

And the reason I call them pharisee's is because the definition fits. The pharisee's in Jesus's time saw that God commanded them to keep the Sabbath Holy. So they took that good teaching and made up a bunch of insane regulations about what you could and could not do on the Sabbath.

The purity pharisee's do the exact same thing except with romantic relationships. They saw that God commands us to not have sex outside of marriage, which is a good and correct teaching. But then they've created a bunch of insane regulations about what you can and can't do in your relationship. And they have labeled all of their regulations "courting".

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not opposing what you are doing per se, I'm just opposed to the term because of all that its become associated with.

Ahhh, gotcha gotcha gotcha. Yeah, I've heard the "no praying together before marriage" from a friend and I went ballistic.

Courting does have a lot of different definitions, some of which more more ridiculous than others. Sometimes, SO and I just tell others that we're "seeing each other" so we don't have to say "courting" because of its connotations.

Courting itself is not a bad thing, but how people have twisted it and legalized it is a bad thing.

 

[Luther073082]

Ahhh, gotcha gotcha gotcha. Yeah, I've heard the "no praying together before marriage" from a friend and I went ballistic.

Courting does have a lot of different definitions, some of which more more ridiculous than others. Sometimes, SO and I just tell others that we're "seeing each other" so we don't have to say "courting" because of its connotations.

Courting itself is not a bad thing, but how people have twisted it and legalized it is a bad thing.

I think seeing eachother is a fine termonology to use.

But the whole courting verses dating issue didn't come up until all of this other stuff started popping up.

 

[SparkyMaddie]

I don't use either description,we're simply going out and going out with only eachother.

 

[PaulOguns]

Some people use courting and dating interchangeably, I would define courting as a very serious relationship, where you have know each other for a while and might even have met each others parents, for me courting is when the relationship is definitely heading for marriage, whereas dating is when you are still getting to know each other and the relationship is still fairly new. I do however believe that there should be a natural transition from dating to courting, its like taking things to the next level.