Courting Question

[SOLDOUT4HIM]

Do you believe that two ppl can be in a courting relationship that is God's will but not be the one's God has for each other?

 

[Hope_0004]

I know I've learned a lot from people I've dated and haven't married. I think it's entirely possible for someone to have been in a "right" relationship and not end up with the person, and I don't think it's against God's will. If you learn a valuable lesson, or if you are there for someone through a tough time, or whatever the case may be, it's important. I can't imagine that my boyfriend who was there for me when my sis had cancer was someone who was "against God's will" for me to be with at the time, even though he's now married to another woman.

'Course, there've been some ones I could've lived without too! But even those relationships taught me about how to respect myself, how to stand up for myself, and how to give up certain things to God that I just couldn't handle or understand.

Maybe I am wrong, but I don't necessarily think the first person you date should become your husband or wife. I am so different now than I was at 18. I can't imagine what would've happened if I would have married and started a family with the guy I was dating at that time. Now I try harder to choose a man who I could see myself with, not for a few years, but for forever.

So my answer is emphatically YES, it can be something that it within "God's will" and not turn into marriage.

 

[Singin4Him]

I absolutely believe so. I courted a wonderful man before I met my husband, the sole purpose of courtship to dating for the purpose of discovering whether you are right for each other in marriage. Courtship is not just for two people who plan to get married, that's called "engagement". When I decided to court this guy we knew that we both had several qualities that we were looking for in a husband/wife but after courting for a bit we discovered marriage was not what God wanted for us as we had a few different plans for our lives and a few qualities that for us would not work in marriage with one another. We do strong believe that the Lord led us to courtship because we learned so much about ourselves and learned even more what we needed to be looking for and pursuing in a mate. The Lord used that in a great way.

Now I strongly believe once the Lord has shown you that you're not "the one" for each other you need to end the courtship because dragging it on will only make things harder and will make it hard to be friends afterwards. Now in our courtship we did not place high value on the physical aspect of the relationships, in fact we never even kissed one another. I think that made a huge difference in us being able to have a friendship afterwards. So yes I think it's possible and necessary to discern whether that person is "the one" for you, but once you know they're not things should be ended.

 

[findinghope06]

well in a way He can. i was in a relationship that i really felt God wanted me in (i wouldnt have said yes to him if i didnt think it was the right thing to do). but basically, that relationship was not intended for marriage, which i quickly realized and ended it with him. i was confused why God wanted me with this person if He didnt want me to marry this person. so i asked a really good friend of mine who is extreme religious and believes God has a plan for us and she told me that, God wanted me in that to realize that He had a plan for me and that i need to be single right now. in all honesty, if i didnt have that relationship, i think i would still be looking for my SO but b/c of that last relationship, i realized that God wants me single right now and He will put the man im going to marry in my life when the timing is right.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Of course it's possible.

One, I believe the notion of "the one" is pure bunk. Look at people who are widowed, divorced, die in childhood, remain celibate, etc etc. God does not have favorites, so if people all have a "one," where is theirs?

Secondly, we cannot forget to incorporate the reality of free will. Relationships always come about from a merging of two separate wills. Both wills have to want to be in it, for it to work. Reciprocity is crucial. Thus, if God has a "one" in mind for us, there is still no guarantee that our "one" would choose us. Example: Say Billy Joe is "the one" for Mary Sue. However, Mary Sue decides she doesn't want to marry Billy Joe, and marries Fred instead. Then, Billy Joe has no "one," so he can either steal someone else's "one" or remain celibate, both which would have been theoretically divergent from God's "original plan of the one." This makes absolutely no sense. Love is always a choice. If love is "destiny" and you end up with "the one," where is the romance in that, really? Sounds more like a trap to me... "God made us marry each other... He told us we are supposed to be together." Ummm, no. Where is the romance in marrying someone because "Daddy made me" ???

FInally, marriage is not the be-all and end-all of why God puts people in one another's lives. Heck, God has even put girls in my life for a short period of time, then they moved, He took them away, etc. Why, then, would it be impossible for Him to do the same with someone of the opposite sex?

 

[Hope_0004]

Obviously I said yes, but does anyone have an opposing view?

 

[findinghope06]

Of course it's possible.

One, I believe the notion of "the one" is pure bunk. Look at people who are widowed, divorced, die in childhood, remain celibate, etc etc. God does not have favorites, so if people all have a "one," where is theirs?

Secondly, we cannot forget to incorporate the reality of free will. Relationships always come about from a merging of two separate wills. Both wills have to want to be in it, for it to work. Reciprocity is crucial. Thus, if God has a "one" in mind for us, there is still no guarantee that our "one" would choose us. Example: Say Billy Joe is "the one" for Mary Sue. However, Mary Sue decides she doesn't want to marry Billy Joe, and marries Fred instead. Then, Billy Joe has no "one," so he can either steal someone else's "one" or remain celibate, both which would have been theoretically divergent from God's "original plan of the one." This makes absolutely no sense. Love is always a choice. If love is "destiny" and you end up with "the one," where is the romance in that, really? Sounds more like a trap to me... "God made us marry each other... He told us we are supposed to be together." Ummm, no. Where is the romance in marrying someone because "Daddy made me" ???

FInally, marriage is not the be-all and end-all of why God puts people in one another's lives. Heck, God has even put girls in my life for a short period of time, then they moved, He took them away, etc. Why, then, would it be impossible for Him to do the same with someone of the opposite sex?

those are excellent points! thank you...i have been looking for a way to explain how i feel but i couldnt find words! thanks again!

 

[B®ent]

Do you believe that two ppl can be in a courting relationship that is God's will but not be the one's God has for each other?

Absolutely. As I have said before, an ended relationship does not equal a failed relationship. If the two were honoring God in the process and/or if God used the relationship to teach them important lessons, how can it be a failure? So yes I definitely believe ended courtships can still be successful.

Love,
Johannes

 

[HelpyHelperton]

As long as ''courtship'' doesnt include a verbal promise to marry the individual.

But dont we just call that dating?

 

[B®ent]

But dont we just call that dating?

In order to distinguish it from worldly dating.

 

[HelpyHelperton]

In order to distinguish it from worldly dating.

ohhhhhhh I see

I see, I was thinking they meant engaged or something

 

[Hope_0004]

As long as ''courtship'' doesnt include a verbal promise to marry the individual.

But dont we just call that dating?

Even if you "promise" to marry someone, if it turns out that you shouldn't before the marriage itself, I think it's noble to call it quits rather to stick it out because of what you said. You should never lead someone to believe something that isn't true, but if it becomes apparent that a relationship isn't going to work out, regardless of what stage you are at prior to marriage, ending it is the only way to go, I think.

I've just seen too many people stay in relationships because they said they would, not because they actually want to be in that relationship.

 

[bronwyn morris]

I once said I'd marry a man just so we could continue masturbating together after going bowling on Sundays

 

[bronwyn morris]

.........

 

[Simon Lee]

what's masturbating?

 

[JesusFreak08]

I think that God puts some people into our lives to help us grow in our spiritual relationship... You might meet and date someone who is a wonderful Christian, but there is another wonderful Christian out there that is more compatible for you..

 

[Hope_0004]

I am surprised everyone's pretty much in agreement on this one.

 

[Carri20]

I think it's possible. Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean it was a failure--it was a learning experience. God's certainly been known to orchestrate a few learning experiences from time to time.

 

[sOuLifieD]

Yes, I do...but I don't think it's as common as people would like to think. God wants us to realize our sole dependency on HIM, and I know that a lot of times relationships with the opposite sex distract us from that. The world is obsessed with love, finding someone to complete them or make them happy, but that's the love that only our Father can give.

However, I do believe that God can use relationships with someone who isn't "the one", and that it can be a part of His will.