Couple miscommunication

[sherri]

This is something I've been thinking about lately - where girls and guys get their wires crossed because of their gender differences.

The first one I was thinking of was the work ethic and male provider thing. ie guys have a strong drive to provide for their families and it can be a way they express love. ie they'll work long hours in the office, travel extensivly in pursuit of contracts or for promotions and in their minds thats a way they're showing love - ie working hard to provide for their families.

However when a man is away for long hours all the time for work and travels extensively - to a woman, that usually gives the message 'he considers us less important then his career' he spends nights in the office because he'd rather be there then spending time with us. 'We're not as important to him as his job'.

So to a woman, a guy putting in long hours in his job can often have the opposite effect of what he thinks it has. ie, he thinks he's showing love, and she thinks he's showing lack of love. (And they're both right from their own gender viewpoints)


Anyone else think of any others or want to comment on that one?

 

[soulsearching1]

Makes sense. At the very least, I do know that a man's job is generally seen by himself as a measure of his "worth". My boyfriend is going through some job unsatisfaction, and so he thinks that his whole life is a failure. (He's a lawyer, for Pete's sake, and he's only been out of law school for a year, so he's not exactly a "failure") Anyway, every woman that I've talked to about this has told me the same thing- he sees himself as unsuccessful in his job situation which translates to him being "unsuccessful" as a man; it's his identity. Men don't really have other socially-imposed responsibilities. It is their number one job to work and make money and provide for their family. It's a lot more common for a woman to stay home, parent the children, take care of the house, etc. As 1950's as this sounds, there are few households that have a stay-at-home dad, while the mom earns all the money- they exist, but they're not common. Women, therefore, don't tend to base their whole worth on their job and develop identity through other factors in their lives. Again, this idea is incredibly archaic, and I find it sad, but it's pretty much how society views things. Where women are thought of as "witches with a b" if they focus too much on career, men are considered "lazy" if they have a lousy job.

Just something to ponder.

 

[plum]

Perhaps, once again, the book Five Love Languages can fit into this situation.

Just thinking about it... perhaps men are more likely to express their care and love through 'sacts of service' or their jobs... while women want to be more emotionally connected through quality time and talking and relational connection...

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

hmmm, very good point. I find tthat quite interesting. Gee, did God have to wire us THAT differently?!