Counseling

[Lilymay]

What are peoples thoughts on professional counseling? Is there a difference between counseling and therapy? Or are they interchangeable words?

I have been considering maybe getting some counseling. Just me, my husband would not go. I brought up to him about me going to counseling a couple years ago and he said that counselors make a person more selfish than they already are. So I did not pursue it any further. But I am getting to a point of reconsidering, even knowing that is how he feels about it. So that brings up another question. Would that be wrong of me to go even knowing that is how husband feels about it?

I am on the fence about this. Part of me thinks that if I go see someone and can talk and get things out, I can learn how to deal with things in a more positive way. The other part of me wonders if it would even help… as I do have an IRL friend who I will admit I talk to, vent to, etc., and that really has not helped in the sense of learning how to deal with things.

More questions. What kind of counselor. Admittedly most of it would be in regards to my marriage… so would it be a marriage counselor I want to seek out? Or because if I decide to do this, would it be another kind of counselor because I would be going by myself? And just anyone’s general thoughts or opinions on counseling?

I am not thinking of seeking counseling in the hopes of changing my husband, or for someone to say “lily you are right, husband is wrong”. What I am seeking is a way to learn how to, I don’t know, cope, deal, adjust, in a way that will help me be somewhat content. Is that selfish of me?

 

[Conservativation]

I hate to say it, but Im not a big fan/believer in this kind of one to one thing. I cannot imagine anyone having any insight into truly how YOU or I could cope, deal, adjust...etc. I read these things in the paper and magazines seasonally or say after a desaster like the Tucson shooting "how to cope" and its always things like

let yourself feel
take 5 minutes to focus on a good thing
accentuate the positive

you get my point.....things we KNOW already. Sorry if thats a downer. Maybe there is some truth to the talk therapy thing where the explaining to a stranger helps a person process or whatever, but for insights? I dont think so

 

[FaithPrevails]

To me, counseling is meant to be just that - advice/input you receive on how to cope, handle, communicate, etc. They give you strategies to employ that, overall, tend to have a decent success rate. Of course, cookie cutter doesn't work so it needs to be tweaked to apply more appropriate to a specific person or couple.

Therapy, IMO, is more where there is long-term damage that needs healing and reconciliation as a part of the process.

Of course, the two can intermingle, which is why I think the terms get used interchangeably.

It sounds like your hubby is threatened by the idea of a counselor b/c he sees it as a ploy to create greater division, rather than bridge the gap. Is there anything you can do to help him overcome that misconception?

Counselors are like doctors - the first one isn't always a good fit. A person may have to meet with two or more before finding one that suits their particular need. Do you think he would be more willing to go if he knew he could have a voice in helping to select the counselor?

Praying for God's guidance in this situation - and in your marriage.

 

[Lilymay]

I hate to say it, but Im not a big fan/believer in this kind of one to one thing. I cannot imagine anyone having any insight into truly how YOU or I could cope, deal, adjust...etc. I read these things in the paper and magazines seasonally or say after a desaster like the Tucson shooting "how to cope" and its always things like

let yourself feel
take 5 minutes to focus on a good thing
accentuate the positive

you get my point.....things we KNOW already. Sorry if thats a downer. Maybe there is some truth to the talk therapy thing where the explaining to a stranger helps a person process or whatever, but for insights? I dont think so

No apology necessary on if it is a downer, thank you for answering. And with what I bolded, I do get your point. That is another reason I am still on the fence... because it is things I know already, so would it really help.

To me, counseling is meant to be just that - advice/input you receive on how to cope, handle, communicate, etc. They give you strategies to employ that, overall, tend to have a decent success rate. Of course, cookie cutter doesn't work so it needs to be tweaked to apply more appropriate to a specific person or couple.

Therapy, IMO, is more where there is long-term damage that needs healing and reconciliation as a part of the process.

Of course, the two can intermingle, which is why I think the terms get used interchangeably.

It sounds like your hubby is threatened by the idea of a counselor b/c he sees it as a ploy to create greater division, rather than bridge the gap. Is there anything you can do to help him overcome that misconception?

Counselors are like doctors - the first one isn't always a good fit. A person may have to meet with two or more before finding one that suits their particular need. Do you think he would be more willing to go if he knew he could have a voice in helping to select the counselor?

Praying for God's guidance in this situation - and in your marriage.

Thank you for explaining the difference between counseling and therapy. I do know husband has an aversion to counseling, and I understand why he feels the way he does, and no I don't think there is anything I can do to help him overcome that aversion. Thank you for the prayers.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I am not thinking of seeking counseling in the hopes of changing my husband, or for someone to say “lily you are right, husband is wrong”. What I am seeking is a way to learn how to, I don’t know, cope, deal, adjust, in a way that will help me be somewhat content. Is that selfish of me?

Have you ever read The Power of a Praying Wife?

 

[Lilymay]

Have you ever read The Power of a Praying Wife?

No I have not, I will look into getting that book

 

[waxlion10]

What are peoples thoughts on professional counseling? Is there a difference between counseling and therapy? Or are they interchangeable words?

I agree with what FP said.

I have been considering maybe getting some counseling. Just me, my husband would not go. I brought up to him about me going to counseling a couple years ago and he said that counselors make a person more selfish than they already are. So I did not pursue it any further. But I am getting to a point of reconsidering, even knowing that is how he feels about it. So that brings up another question. Would that be wrong of me to go even knowing that is how husband feels about it?

It sounds like your husband's view of counselors is really negative. Has he had a bad experience with them? I disagree that counselors make a person more selfish, though I can see where he's coming from. I think that your decision to go without your husband's approval depends upon your specific situation. If I were in your shoes and I had the resources to go, I would go.

I am on the fence about this. Part of me thinks that if I go see someone and can talk and get things out, I can learn how to deal with things in a more positive way. The other part of me wonders if it would even help… as I do have an IRL friend who I will admit I talk to, vent to, etc., and that really has not helped in the sense of learning how to deal with things.

More questions. What kind of counselor. Admittedly most of it would be in regards to my marriage… so would it be a marriage counselor I want to seek out? Or because if I decide to do this, would it be another kind of counselor because I would be going by myself? And just anyone’s general thoughts or opinions on counseling?

It's my understanding that marriage counselors work with both couples and with individuals, but I've never been to an actual marriage counselor before.

I have been to counseling twice in my life, both for a couple of months. The first was as a freshman in college when I was dealing with anorexia. That situation was not ideal because I didn't choose my counselor; she was chosen for me by my college volleyball coach (who kind of forced me into counseling). Also, she was my Psychology professor. For her to counsel me was unethical, and it made it awkward for me to talk to her.

However, she did specialize in behavioral therapy and was able to help me because she challenged me to make specific behavioral changes and also to get to the root of the problem. She was a trained, licensed Christian counselor, and we started every session with prayer.

The second time I went was for personal issues, and that was this past spring. I went to my university's counseling department and met with a graduate counseling student who was in his last semester of getting his MA in counseling. He was supportive, professional, and very skilled at his job. Those counseling sessions were a bit more introspective and "therapeutic" in nature. They were extremely beneficial for me, personally.

I have a high opinion of counseling, of done with the right counselor for you. Not every counselor is good for every client. Find one who works for you It will not hurt a counselor's feelings if you meet once or twice and realize you're just not a good fit.
Make sure the counselor can meet regularly and as frequently as you need (I met once a week with mine).
Don't be afraid to ask questions as you're looking for a counselor! Ask them about their education, experience, credentials, fees, cancellation policies, vacation arrangements, and insurance policies. Ask if they can provide references.

Ask them about their approach to therapy. There are many different schools of therapy, and if you're not familiar with them, don't be afraid to ask, "So what would your approach look like in a session?"

Makes sure that you feel comfortable talking to them. Do you feel understood? Listened to? Like you can be honest? Relaxed? Like you have enough privacy? In my first counseling experience, for example, I didn't feel like we had a lot of privacy because we met in her office with other professors/students walking the halls. Even though the door was shut, it was distracting to be able to hear conversations in the hallway and think, "Someone could be listening to what I'm saying, too!"

I am not thinking of seeking counseling in the hopes of changing my husband, or for someone to say “lily you are right, husband is wrong”. What I am seeking is a way to learn how to, I don’t know, cope, deal, adjust, in a way that will help me be somewhat content. Is that selfish of me?

No, it is absolutely not selfish of you. You are seeking help; you are seeking the tools and knowledge. I say go for it Praying for you.

 

[Lilymay]

I agree with what FP said.

It sounds like your husband's view of counselors is really negative. Has he had a bad experience with them? I disagree that counselors make a person more selfish, though I can see where he's coming from. I think that your decision to go without your husband's approval depends upon your specific situation. If I were in your shoes and I had the resources to go, I would go.

It's my understanding that marriage counselors work with both couples and with individuals, but I've never been to an actual marriage counselor before.

I have been to counseling twice in my life, both for a couple of months. The first was as a freshman in college when I was dealing with anorexia. That situation was not ideal because I didn't choose my counselor; she was chosen for me by my college volleyball coach (who kind of forced me into counseling). Also, she was my Psychology professor. For her to counsel me was unethical, and it made it awkward for me to talk to her.

However, she did specialize in behavioral therapy and was able to help me because she challenged me to make specific behavioral changes and also to get to the root of the problem. She was a trained, licensed Christian counselor, and we started every session with prayer.

The second time I went was for personal issues, and that was this past spring. I went to my university's counseling department and met with a graduate counseling student who was in his last semester of getting his MA in counseling. He was supportive, professional, and very skilled at his job. Those counseling sessions were a bit more introspective and "therapeutic" in nature. They were extremely beneficial for me, personally.

I have a high opinion of counseling, of done with the right counselor for you. Not every counselor is good for every client. Find one who works for you It will not hurt a counselor's feelings if you meet once or twice and realize you're just not a good fit.
Make sure the counselor can meet regularly and as frequently as you need (I met once a week with mine).
Don't be afraid to ask questions as you're looking for a counselor! Ask them about their education, experience, credentials, fees, cancellation policies, vacation arrangements, and insurance policies. Ask if they can provide references.

Ask them about their approach to therapy. There are many different schools of therapy, and if you're not familiar with them, don't be afraid to ask, "So what would your approach look like in a session?"

Makes sure that you feel comfortable talking to them. Do you feel understood? Listened to? Like you can be honest? Relaxed? Like you have enough privacy? In my first counseling experience, for example, I didn't feel like we had a lot of privacy because we met in her office with other professors/students walking the halls. Even though the door was shut, it was distracting to be able to hear conversations in the hallway and think, "Someone could be listening to what I'm saying, too!"


No, it is absolutely not selfish of you. You are seeking help; you are seeking the tools and knowledge. I say go for it Praying for you.

First bold: My husband has not personally been to counseling/therapy, but a family member has and that has negatively impacted my husband's perception of counseling/therapy.

Second bold: very informative, questions I would never have thought to ask if I do decide to seek counseling. I will keep that in mind, thank you.

Thank you for sharing some of your personal experiences and thank you for the prayers.