Counseling

[GreenGiant]

Why does everyone in the states think that counseling should be done before getting married and fixes just about every other problem after it.

In the UK its relatively unheard of for couples to go through a course before getting married, i don't know anyone who has done this.

Additionaly... the US has the worlds highest divorce rate by a long way doesn't it? So does it actualy help in the long run?

 

[SparkyMaddie]

i dont plan on it. if its a church thing then i think ya have to or some ministers wont marry you. i agree with ya.

 

[explodingboy]

Having been in the states for about 2yrs, I put it down to the younger age of marriage and the avoidance of living together before marriage, plus its not really an English thing to be escorted/group dating. It's easier to get to know a person without all the other people around.

I've run into soo many kids out here getting engaged during High School that its abit odd to think that not a single person I knew back home was engaged even towards the end of College (highschool +2yrs in American)

thats my incoherent ramblings at 1 something in the morning, make of it what you will.

 

[alfrodull]

The purpose is not so much to "fix" things before marriage; it's to weed out the couples who probably shouldn't get married.

Like explodingboy said, a significant number of people here are engaged by the time they graduate college, some by the time they graduate high school. Have two eighteen-year-olds necessarily sat down and discussed, "What are our goals in life? Do we both want kids? Where do we want to live? Are there little things about you that I haven't experienced because I don't live with you that will drive me slowly insane?" Many of them probably don't know those answers about themselves. The purpose of premarital counseling is to force people to think about this stuff and consider if they are really making the right decision. Nobody, not even those who provide the counselling sessions, pretends it will magically fix anything.

 

[peanutbutter12]

I don't even feel so much that they are to weed out people as much as to prepare them for the reality of the decision they are making.

GreenGiant, you have to remember something about America. We are a fast paced, apathetic country of people who like to put the blame and responsibility on other people instead of ourselves. We're impatient, which a lot of times leads to rash decisions with complications to later come. The truly sad thing is how many other countries are starting to adopt this mentality, and you will soon be seeing other countries facing the same problems we have here.

With the counseling, that is the church trying to bring up issues that the couple may have not considered, and most times and in most cases, it does help significantly. But it's no miracle cure.

 

[Luther073082]

Having been in the states for about 2yrs, I put it down to the younger age of marriage and the avoidance of living together before marriage, plus its not really an English thing to be escorted/group dating. It's easier to get to know a person without all the other people around.

I've run into soo many kids out here getting engaged during High School that its abit odd to think that not a single person I knew back home was engaged even towards the end of College (highschool +2yrs in American)

thats my incoherent ramblings at 1 something in the morning, make of it what you will.

The evidence indicates though that people who live together before they get married are more likely to get divorced.

GreenGiant, you have to remember something about America. We are a fast paced, apathetic country of people who like to put the blame and responsibility on other people instead of ourselves. We're impatient, which a lot of times leads to rash decisions with complications to later come. The truly sad thing is how many other countries are starting to adopt this mentality, and you will soon be seeing other countries facing the same problems we have here.

This is correct but let me add. . .

Our country is perhaps the most culturally individualistic nation in the world. Now individualism is a good trait in some cases but not in others.

Individualism just doesn't mix well with being married.

My understanding is pre-marital counciling helps prepare you for the idea of not being just you anymore.

The reason we have it and use it is a result of the divorce rate and not the other way around.

 

[GreenGiant]

Thanks, that was really insightfull, its true i guess, the average age of (first) marriage in the UK is 30.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Partially because the divorce rate is so high, also so many christians marry extremely young.

I think counselling is a wonderful tool and I intend that can and should be used prior to and preceding marriage.

 

[Luther073082]

Thanks, that was really insightfull, its true i guess, the average age of (first) marriage in the UK is 30.

Its 27 for men and 25 for women here.

But thats not such a big difference that I think that is the reason. Remember people used to get married much younger and stayed together in both of our nations.

I really do think a lot of it has to do with our individualist culture. In the past here women where often defined by their husbands. They wheren't taught individualism. But now they are, so you have two people who have grown up in a culture that teaches them "Its all about you." And they are trying to live together as one unit being responsible to eachother in every way.

 

[Windmill]

Its 27 for men and 25 for women here.

But thats not such a big difference that I think that is the reason. Remember people used to get married much younger and stayed together in both of our nations.

I really do think a lot of it has to do with our individualist culture. In the past here women where often defined by their husbands. They wheren't taught individualism. But now they are, so you have two people who have grown up in a culture that teaches them "Its all about you." And they are trying to live together as one unit being responsible to eachother in every way.

That is a huge, giant difference.

People in America tend to, compared to what I've experienced in the common-wealth countries, get married faster and younger.

I don't think it has anything to do with individualalist culture... I think it has to do with more likely they not realising that they will always feel butterflies in their stomach for their SO like the TV tells them they will.