We are going to talk to our pastor, tomorrow. Any advice? How can we address our issues without making the other feel like they are being tattled on?
We are going to talk to our pastor, tomorrow. Any advice? How can we address our issues without making the other feel like they are being tattled on?
Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend. It begins by recognizing and establishing our own appropriate boundaries for behavior first, so we know how to address those of the other person in response.Those of you who gave me book suggestions in the other thread... can you PM them to me? Thanks!
We are going to talk to our pastor, tomorrow. Any advice? How can we address our issues without making the other feel like they are being tattled on?
And pat yourselves on the back for going to see your pastor! Many people who struggle in their relationship don't even make it that far!
Well that was a bit harsh. Its a forum for help, sometimes you have to do what you can to save your marriage, even if it means posting about it on a christian forum. Actually many people do it in the marriage section. Its kind of the point.Yes. Own up to your own gossip to strangers, and stop posting it on CF.
Agreed.I would make a short list of important topics, so you don't go home to realize you forgot something important.
Be honest about his behaviour without embellishing or giving false impressions. Be honest about the reasons you are there. Be honest about owning up to your own part in the marriage dynamic. Do not blame, justify, rationalize, make excuses for, or minimize your own part or try to make yourself look better than your husband.We are going to talk to our pastor, tomorrow. Any advice? How can we address our issues without making the other feel like they are being tattled on?
She stated elsewhere that her husband does not like their problems being discussed with others. The OP has breached that trust, as well as him breaching hers. She needs to stop. I shared with my wife last night that if I were the husband, in spite of what I'd done, I would be the one leaving for such a serious breach of my trust as well. They both need to confess and work out their issues with this Pastor. Both are being manipulative in the situation. Him by ignoring her needs, and her by bringing up the marital problems, against his stated wishes, to strangers instead of to him.Well that was a bit harsh. Its a forum for help, sometimes you have to do what you can to save your marriage, even if it means posting about it on a christian forum. Actually many people do it in the marriage section. Its kind of the point.
That is already a step in the right direction! I pray that God will work in both of your lives and in your marriage to restore what has been broken! God can fix anything and works in the worst situations, trust in Him to do His work, nothing is impossible for HimHe knows I am posting on here and isn't concerned. He read most of it.
Your husband doesn't like personal information being shared because he feels he's being "tattled on", but he isn't concerned about you posting personal information about him here to complete strangers. Does that sum it up?He knows I am posting on here and isn't concerned. He read most of it.
I think that using the "we" language when talking in counseling and also making an agreement between the two of you to be absolutely honest with each other before going into counseling is very important. Also praying and inviting the Holy Spirit with His healing power into your counseling sessions, that's also key.