Could use some advice -- Really.

[Jenster]

I feel like a broken record, but I just can't seem to crack this nut of a problem. I have this lazy, self-absorbed co-worker who just wears me down! I can start the day feeling great, but by the end of the day I am simply fed up.

The unfortunate thing is that he isn't unpleasant -- quite the opposite! Everyone loves him because he talks a good talk and is always putting on a good face -- until he has to work, of course. Then he plays the sympathy card and makes people feel badly for him for any variety of reasons. Recently his dad was in the hospital for something fairly minor, and he milked THAT one for all it was worth.

The sad thing is that the Drama King's work just ends up on someone else's plate, due to the way his job is structured. He doesn't reap any consequences.

But aside from the unfairness, I just hate working with someone so manipulative, who seems to have everyone fooled. It just irks me to the core.

I have and will talk with my boss about this guy, but aside from that ... any advice??? I am in desperate need of some....

Thanks.

 

[ido]

My dad had an employee under him that was similar to what you describe. His family always had some sort of crisis going on and the guy used as much FMLA time as he could. When he actually was at work, he spent a large amount of his time talking instead of working. My dad used to scowl just at the mention of the man's name.

Anyway, my point is that there are unfortunately always going to be people like that and there probably isn't much that you can do about it. If he is coming to you and trying to pawn work off, I would simply tell him that you'd love to help him out, but your plate is already packed full and you wouldn't be able to manage his workload, too.

I'm curious, what has your boss said in the past about the man's behavior and the fact that other people are regularly absorbing his work??

 

[Jenster]

I'm curious, what has your boss said in the past about the man's behavior and the fact that other people are regularly absorbing his work??

Thanks, girlfriend. I appreciate the story about your dad. At least I'm not alone...!

My boss is a pushover. He says he wants to "encourage" this co-worker to do better. But his idea of encouragement is to assign the guy work and then practically do it all for him. My boss is big on establishing relationships (political allies, if you will), even if fails to get work done well. He fools himself into thinking behavior has changed. He relies on us hard workers to keep the quality up. We're the silent majority, as it were.

Well, I was just praying about this and God brought to mind this thought: It's more glorifying to Him to be a blessing to others, than a blessing to oneself.

That brings me some comfort...

 

[FlatpickingJD]

This really won't help the situation any, but I can tell you that the people who really matter in the organization will likely know who's doing the work and who isn't. I've faced a similar situation before, and as I did the work my boss took me aside and thanked me for all my hard work. I wound up with the promotion and raise, and the other person was out of the department within 2 months after we finished the project.

I felt badly for the other person, but even her sister had had enough of the games and manipulation.

Again, I realize this probably doesn't help, but I suspect your efforts and those of the others in your department will be rewarded in the end.

 

[Jenster]

Thank you. I'm glad you were rewarded for the work you put in.

This may sound mean, but I could only WISH that this guy would be fired.

 

[ido]

Well, in line with the story I shared and what JD shared about the co-worker being let go - the guy that worked for my dad eventually got fired, too. It may take longer than you hope for it to take, but it will probably happen eventually. Not that I think any of us wishes that on another person, but eventually their load becomes too much of a burden, even to their supporters.

I still say only take on the additional workload as time permits, so your own responsibilities do not suffer. I'm glad you're praying about this.

Now, for a challenge...pray for the co-worker. Truly, genuinely pray for him - that God will work on whatever is going on in his life that causes him to be this way and will provide healing to him to make him a more productive member of your staff. Pray for his well-being. Pray for his family. Pray over him, period. It will soften your heart towards him and make tolerating the behavior a little easier to do.

 

[Jenster]

Wise words, flnativegrl. I needed that. I'll admit, it'll be tough. I truly see him as an entitled, "looking out for No. 1" person, not someone who is hurt and coping with life the best he can. Honestly, his most recent excuse for not finishing his work was that he just came back from a relaxing vacation and was too relaxed. (!) I would've bust my gut laughing if he weren't dead serious.

Sorry, there I go again. Really, for some reason, his behavior touches some hot button in me such that I find myself unable to let it go. My mind continues to spin, even though I'm trying to "let go and let God."

Anyway, you've given me great advice. Pray, pray, pray!

 

[MeekOne]

Praying for the person will truly help you, absolutely. Ask the Lord to help you to ignore this person's behaviors in your mind when you start feeling emotionally upset at his actions. He will help you see this person in a different light and that will only help you. Let him dig his own hole, others see what you see no doubt, and eventually somethings got to give with this fella. Visual tip: Every time he shirks his responsibilities on someone else, just picture him digging a hole.

Hope that helps, be blessed.

 

[Jenster]

I like that "hole" visualization, MeekOne. Thanks for that; I needed it and am about to apply it "retroactively." Today my boss kinda blew it on meeting a deadline. So to save face, he ran around the office telling people how he "saved the day" on another project this morning. Only thing was, the only reason he HAD to "save the day" was because he created the problem in the first place!

Since when do you get to look like a hero when you yourself created the mess? Please explain this to me.

*Sigh.* Right. I know: "Pray!"

 

[Bridgit]

I work in an office and am surrounded by people who like to backstab others, lie or are just plainly mean to others to make themselves look good or more important.

God has showed me that if I continue on letting these people get to me, it will only destroy me. Instead He has asked me to pray for these people's change of heart and to always keep my eyes on Jesus instead of on others or myself.

Since I have put that in practice, my days at work are more serene.

Jenster, keep your eyes on Him and pray for the good of others. God will bless you!

 

[FlatpickingJD]

Along the lines of what Bridgit said, if you let him get to you, you'll lose yourself. What you've said here really isn't you, it's the frustration. Don't forget who you are: I know you as the first person to jump in when someone needs a prayer, the first with a pat on the back.

Pray for him, and we'll pray for you. I already have.

 

[Jenster]

FJD, that is quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone's said to me in awhile. Thank you. You sure know how to lift a person's spirits!

I did find myself praying for my co-workers today -- and you know what? My frustration didn't rise to level it was at on Monday and Tuesday. Praise God! He does protect. I know I'll need to make this a habit, but at least I'm out of the starting gate.

And thank you for your prayers, everyone. I suspected I was getting some help today when I was actually *able* to pray for them. Bless you!

 

[ido]

I'm glad you were able to pray for them, Jen. It can be difficult, I know - but you are definitely being lifted up...so keep on praying, girl!

 

[Jenster]

Just as an update: My co-worker's behavior seems to have irked my boss to the point where my boss said to me that he will accept my co-worker's resignation if it comes to that. I think this is actually a break through!

My philosophy is, "If you're not willing to *work* here, then please don't *be* here."

I've been trying to pray for my co-worker, but instead I find myself praying that he will find a new job. Is that wrong? It's not that I believe God can't change his heart attitude, it's that I doubt he wants to change. I also learned that he feels his work life should accommodate his personal life and that he's got "too much" going on in his personal life, so he feels he shouldn't be expected to do so much at work. (As he puts it, "I'm just being honest in what I can and can't do.")

He's still wearing me down, but I'm trying to pray in a positive manner.


If you could: Please pray with me that a meeting between my boss and the co-worker tomorrow will actually happen. Please also pray that my boss will be firm in his stance towards my co-worker. My boss can be too much of a softie, especially when people play the sympathy card. Of course -- everything as God wills.

 

[ido]

Just as an update: My co-worker's behavior seems to have irked my boss to the point where my boss said to me that he will accept my co-worker's resignation if it comes to that. I think this is actually a break through!

My philosophy is, "If you're not willing to *work* here, then please don't *be* here."

I've been trying to pray for my co-worker, but instead I find myself praying that he will find a new job. Is that wrong? It's not that I believe God can't change his heart attitude, it's that I doubt he wants to change. I also learned that he feels his work life should accommodate his personal life and that he's got "too much" going on in his personal life, so he feels he shouldn't be expected to do so much at work. (As he puts it, "I'm just being honest in what I can and can't do.")

He's still wearing me down, but I'm trying to pray in a positive manner.


If you could: Please pray with me that a meeting between my boss and the co-worker tomorrow will actually happen. Please also pray that my boss will be firm in his stance towards my co-worker. My boss can be too much of a softie, especially when people play the sympathy card. Of course -- everything as God wills.

Well, it's not like you're wishing harm on him by praying that he'll find a job. I mean, you do still want the man to be gainfully employed - just not where you are at!

So, keep praying that prayer - but keep praying that God will soften your heart to this guy, even and especially b/c he doesn't really seem to deserve it (which really just means he deserves it that much more).

 

[Jenster]

*hanging head slightly*
dearGodpleasesoftenmyhearttowardsmycoworker. pleasehelpmetoshowhimgraceasYouhaveshownmegrace. amen.

Thanks, grl. I needed that reminder.

 

[BoazB]

Thank you. I'm glad you were rewarded for the work you put in.

This may sound mean, but I could only WISH that this guy would be fired.

Usually people like this have the wheels come off by themselves. It is God who does the avenging, so try not to let your thought life go wild.

I knew a guy like this in Basics in the military. He would never prepare for inspection, and we all paid for it. Two guys who would arrived late from pass - drunk and with items of uniform missing from whatever barfight they got themselves into, were given the task (as punishment by the Lt) of looking after this guy.

They were amazing. They preapred for every inspection - there stuff and his. I felt guilt, b/c I was the first to moan when they brought him into our tent. I still wonder - maybe as a Christian I should have been doing that (just my own thoughts).

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I used to work for a boss that wanted to fire me so he could have his "clicky friend" in my place. I had been with the company for 10 years and very good at my job so it wasn't easy for him. It was terrible for me too. Every day I would get sick to my stomach as I pulled in to the parking lot at work. Eventually my boss quit, (after trying several different attempts to get me fired). But I had to pray hard and heavy every day to keep my job and my wits about me.

Couple of things to remember. You are working for God. Yeah you work for your boss, but ultimately you work for God. You should always do your best for Him (which I am sure you do).
Secondly, pray for the Holy Spirit to draw your co-worker to Jesus and instead of praying for him to find a new job, pray for God's will to be done in his life. That he will come into a relationship with Jesus and be saved. Pray for his soul. I know it's hard, but others are right, it will soften your heart toward him. Try seeing him as God would see him. God wants him saved. We should too. Also pray for your boss to get wisdom and knowledge in this situation and to make decisions that would be in God's will. Pray for your boss to be saved also. God Bless!

 

[jcj3803]

I once had a staff of 5, 4 of whom were great and 1 of whom was either a total idiot or a superb slacker. Never did figure it out. Since firing people can be a very long drawn out process with HR and the lawyers crying every time a fly... um... releases intestinal gas, it can be hard for managers to boot the deadwood. Don't assume your manager doesn't want to get rid of the guy. Might be his hands are tied, more or less.

 

[Jenster]

These are really helpful thoughts -- I appreciate your advice and your sharing similar experiences, everyone.

Yeah, I've really let this one person get to me, and I'm surprised by how difficult it is for me to let go. My resentment is almost at the gut level right now, bypassing all reasonings my brain can come up with!

I don't think I hate him (I think) -- I just want him to be out of my workplace. But I am reminded that I should try to be optimistic -- namely, that this problem won't go on forever and that I do have SOME control over what happens (though not sure what that would be at this point!). At least he isn't trying to get ME fired, like your boss, memoriesbymichelle.

Just to clear up one thing: my lazy co-worker is Christian. But I don't have a close relationship such that we would ever talk about spiritual things together. Instead, I pray that the Holy Spirit would speak powerfully to him.