Could I Have BPD?

[Lirpa]

I've never heard of this until today when I was reading this fourm. I jumped on a few websites...and to be honest, I'm not the smartest person in the world, therefore I don't really understand everything they were saying. But If someone could please help me out, that would be wonderful.
I've been on depression/anxiety medication on and off for nine years. And I seem to always end up feeling the same. Out of place. This is usually how I am:

1. I can't stay in one mood for too long. I'm either happy to where I just want to take off on a 10 mile run, depressed to where I can't move out of bed, carefree to where I don't care what the effects are of my actions, worried to where I watch what I do and say.

2. My style/personality changes from day to day. One day I'll act like a mature adult, worry about bills and whatnot, the next I spend like crazy and rack up all my credit cards. This goes along with clothes as well. My choice of clothes are usually out of character.

3. I usually tend to say things I know I'll regret later. Usually hurting someone I care about. When I'm in a relationship..I'm very loving and caring...but when I feel the person is acting different, I tend to make threats and treat them like dirt.

There are other odd things I'm really not comfortable speaking about at this time. But if someone could give me an idea of what this may be it would mean alot.

 

[Lirpa]

I am also social/anti-social, funny/serious, laid back/high strung, fun/boring, crazy/calm. This can be very stressful at times.

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Only a psychiatrist can make the diagnosis, the best advice is to see a psychiatrist ad tell them that you think you are bipolar, and they will probably tell you, you are not bipolar, you're just a little moody, from the depression. Hang in there and it sounds like you already have a psychiatrist if you are being treated for depression. Do you have a psychiatrist?

 

[Lirpa]

Sadly, no I do not have a psychiatrist. I do not have insurance. The depression medication I get is from my family doctor, who I can only see every few months because the bill is usually $100 for five minuets. I usually just call my doctor and ask him to call me in something...

 

[DR RekLaw]

Only a psychiatrist can make the diagnosis, the best advice is to see a psychiatrist ad tell them that you think you are bipolar, and they will probably tell you, you are not bipolar, you're just a little moody, from the depression. Hang in there and it sounds like you already have a psychiatrist if you are being treated for depression. Do you have a psychiatrist?

This is really the only way. I know i have alot of the same feelings that you describe.

 

[madison1101]

Most communities have mental health clinics where you can get help on a sliding scale. They base the fee on your income. I would suggest you look into that. There are several diagnoses that come to mind when I read your description of yourself, but nobody can give you a definitive answer to your question in an online forum, such as this.

Ask your family doctor if there is a mental health clinic in your area. If he/she does not know, then call the closes psychiatric facility, or hospital, and ask them. A hospital social worker should be able to inform you of the availability of a clinic in your area.

Good luck.

Trish

 

[hurtnlonely]

I don't know if I am either. Been told PTSD and BPD can be real similar in it's symptoms. I think that when I read about something, I begin to identify with it, even if it's not really me! Like I read a book about Dialetical Behavorial Therapy and BPD, and started to believe I had it. Can relate to so much, but I'm just not convinced. The biggest thing is changing all the time, though not quickly. I can stay in one mood/mindset for days or weeks before changing into another completely different mindset. It depends on how must interpersonal stress is involved too. When I'm isolated, I tend to be more stable -- depressed -- but when interacting with people, more changeable. Who knows? For myself, I just don't have any faith in the Mental Health profession. Not that I would tell anyone not to get help; just that I don't personally believe in their ability to truly identify the root problem, nor to heal anyone. I'm sorry if that's wrong to say. A therapist told me once that if people loved on another, most people with emotional problems would get better! Sounds like what the church is supposed to do. I know when I was close to God and able to believe He loved me, it made all the difference in the world.

 

[madison1101]

I don't know if I am either. Been told PTSD and BPD can be real similar in it's symptoms. I think that when I read about something, I begin to identify with it, even if it's not really me! Like I read a book about Dialetical Behavorial Therapy and BPD, and started to believe I had it. Can relate to so much, but I'm just not convinced. The biggest thing is changing all the time, though not quickly. I can stay in one mood/mindset for days or weeks before changing into another completely different mindset. It depends on how must interpersonal stress is involved too. When I'm isolated, I tend to be more stable -- depressed -- but when interacting with people, more changeable. Who knows? For myself, I just don't have any faith in the Mental Health profession. Not that I would tell anyone not to get help; just that I don't personally believe in their ability to truly identify the root problem, nor to heal anyone. I'm sorry if that's wrong to say. A therapist told me once that if people loved on another, most people with emotional problems would get better! Sounds like what the church is supposed to do. I know when I was close to God and able to believe He loved me, it made all the difference in the world.

You have some valid concerns about the mental health profession. I had those same concerns before I started therapy. Unfortunately, my expectations of mental health professionals was off a bit. They do not heal anyone. I learned that in my own therapy, as well as when I studied to become a psychotherapist. Also, in order for a therapist to learn the root problem, the client must open up in therapy and talk.

An example of a client NOT opening up is my mother. She developed bipolar disorder right after I was born. She was treated for her illness all throughout my childhood and young adult life. It was not until I was in my learly thirties that she told anyone, including her doctors and therapists, that she had been sexually abused as a 5 year old by her stepfather. She withheld that information for over 30 years from the mental health professionals who were trying to help her.

I have been in therapy for nineteen years, and with the help of my excellent therapist, I no longer have borderline personality disorder. I got better because I was willing to do some very hard work and change. My therapist just guided me along the way.

 

[ChildishFears]

I've never heard of this until today when I was reading this fourm. I jumped on a few websites...and to be honest, I'm not the smartest person in the world, therefore I don't really understand everything they were saying. But If someone could please help me out, that would be wonderful.
I've been on depression/anxiety medication on and off for nine years. And I seem to always end up feeling the same. Out of place. This is usually how I am:

1. I can't stay in one mood for too long. I'm either happy to where I just want to take off on a 10 mile run, depressed to where I can't move out of bed, carefree to where I don't care what the effects are of my actions, worried to where I watch what I do and say.

2. My style/personality changes from day to day. One day I'll act like a mature adult, worry about bills and whatnot, the next I spend like crazy and rack up all my credit cards. This goes along with clothes as well. My choice of clothes are usually out of character.

3. I usually tend to say things I know I'll regret later. Usually hurting someone I care about. When I'm in a relationship..I'm very loving and caring...but when I feel the person is acting different, I tend to make threats and treat them like dirt.

There are other odd things I'm really not comfortable speaking about at this time. But if someone could give me an idea of what this may be it would mean alot.

I can definitely relate to this, I've been thinking that I may have some form of BPD as well, I would really like to see a mental health professional so that they can see what's really wrong with me, if anything. Sometimes I just feel that I may think I have BPD as an excuse for my impulsive, reckless actions...but I do take responsibility for my actions I(somewhat) I will be honest and say that in my mind sometimes-If something happened to me in a certain way which could of been prevented if someone else had done something (even though it wouldn't be their responsbility and it was my fault for getting myself in the situation in the first place) I mentally place some blame on them and lash out, when I know I shouldn't. Like "If you had done this, then maybe I wouldn't of done that.." kinda thing. I question myself all the time, but I keep comming up with "I don't truly know" I know some factors, but I don't really know the true cause of my problems.