Could I become Christian?

[bowties]

Hi. I'm a seeker... and would be happy with that if it wasn't for my OCD and possible psychotic disorder.

I'm considering turning back to Christianity because... I feel unsafe. I'm terrified of a lot of things. I'm sort of terrified of God too. So I'm asking for advice.

I've been reading the Bible but to be honest, it makes me anxious. It makes me fear God. I want to believe in a good God... who doesn't want people to be scared of Him. But what if that's wrong? What if I should fear God?

I tried to be a Christian a couple of years ago but gave it up because I got so much anxiety. I was happy for a while being non-religious theist, believing in God in my own way. I still think I just want to believe in my own way but I'm terrified that that's wrong and that God is angry with me for that.

My biggest problem with seeing myself as a Christian is that I don't think I could ever believe that Christianity was the only right religion or even that it's better than any other religion. I think I believe that... if there is God, He can be reached via any religion or world view. I think all religions and atheism too are equally good.

Second issue is I'm queer and don't see anything wrong with that. I can't see anything wrong with homosexuality or non-cis gender identity.

I pray a lot but it's mostly compulsive praying due to my severe OCD. I pray to God as if I was Christian sometimes and even to Jesus even though I don't identify as Christian. Is that wrong? Will that make God angry with me?

I think what I should do is to take a step back. Stop the compulsive praying, maybe just pray for good things to happen to everyone and thank for all the good things. Or even try to be atheist. I don't know. Just take a step back and then, when I'm in a less OCD-ish place with my spiritual views, then consider what to do and how to be. Would this be good or bad?

Maybe the most important question I need to ask myself is do I want to be Christian. And honestly... I don't think I do. I'm terrified that this will make God hate me but I just don't think I do. I think I'm a scared human being who just wants to be safe and that might be a bad motivation for turning Christian.

The Episcopal Church is what tempts me the most about Christianity, I've watched some videos on Trinity Church (https://www.trinitywallstreet.org/) and they did make me feel good. If I lived in the US I might go and see what it's like and if it's nice. But we don't have that in Finland.

Sorry about the long and incoherent post. I suppose I just want some advice. Thank you.

 

[hedrick]

I've been reading the Bible but to be honest, it makes me anxious. It makes me fear God. I want to believe in a good God... who doesn't want people to be scared of Him. But what if that's wrong? What if I should fear God?

I don’t think you should fear God. At least not in the sense you mean. For Paul, the basis of our relationship with God is faith. And faith means trust. Jesus gives as his example of faith the trust a little child has in their parents. Children respect their parents, and we respect God. But we shouldn’t be afraid of either.

I tried to be a Christian a couple of years ago but gave it up because I got so much anxiety. I was happy for a while being non-religious theist, believing in God in my own way. I still think I just want to believe in my own way but I'm terrified that that's wrong and that God is angry with me for that.

I wouldn’t want to see you be a Christian because you think God is angry at you.

My biggest problem with seeing myself as a Christian is that I don't think I could ever believe that Christianity was the only right religion or even that it's better than any other religion. I think I believe that... if there is God, He can be reached via any religion or world view. I think all religions and atheism too are equally good.

Liberal Christians normally think that members of all religions can be accepted by God. However if Jesus was actually what he says he is, then Christianity has got that right and other religions don’t. On the other hand, you can also believe that other religions may have insights of their own.

Second issue is I'm queer and don't see anything wrong with that. I can't see anything wrong with homosexuality or non-cis gender identity.

Not a problem with mainline Christianity, and a growing part of evangelical Christianity.

I pray a lot but it's mostly compulsive praying due to my severe OCD. I pray to God as if I was Christian sometimes and even to Jesus even though I don't identify as Christian. Is that wrong? Will that make God angry with me?

Of course not. The New Testament doesn’t say you have to join a church to pray. However if you get beyond exploration, and decide you really are a Christian, you should be baptized (if you aren’t) and be part of a church community.

I think what I should do is to take a step back. Stop the compulsive praying, maybe just pray for good things to happen to everyone and thank for all the good things. Or even try to be atheist. I don't know. Just take a step back and then, when I'm in a less OCD-ish place with my spiritual views, then consider what to do and how to be. Would this be good or bad?

Yes, it would be good to know that your faith is something you really mean, and that it wasn’t just a result of your OCD.

The Episcopal Church is what tempts me the most about Christianity, I've watched some videos on Trinity Church (https://www.trinitywallstreet.org/) and they did make me feel good. If I lived in the US I might go and see what it's like and if it's nice. But we don't have that in Finland.

Of the Protestant churches, the Lutherans are the most liturgical. Have you tried the Lutheran churches in your area? You might find some congregations that have a liturgy that you would find satisfying.

 

[FireDragon76]

I agree with Hedrick, you might like a Lutheran church. In fact, you might benefit from studying some Lutheran theology, since Martin Luther's theology was an answer to his religious anxiety, and that is exactly what you are facing. Other Christian traditions are probably going to be less helpful to you, at least right away.

But... there is no substitute for working with a mental health professional. This has nothing to do with whether you are crazy. If you are a sexual minority (gay, etc.), you have likely been subject to systematic abuse and discrimination, even if you are not yet aware of it. That takes time to heal. This might be the source of some of your anxiety- low self-worth and low self-trust.

 

[graceandpeace]

I agree with the above responses.

There is the Church of England in Finland, which is in communion with the US Episcopal Church (both are Anglican, though the latter is probably the more progressive of the two). So, that could be a possibility, or if not I agree with looking into a Lutheran option.

Let us know if we can be of more help.

 

[RomansFiveEight]

A growing number of Christians, and Christian denominations, do not have a problem with people of a 'different' sexual or gender identity.

Many of us also believe that Grace is God's gift to give, and may and probably will be given to people of other faiths. However, personally, I still maintain that the expectation God has for each of us is faith in God through Christ.