Cosigning for your ex

[AirForceTeacher]

My wife asked me something strange today. She's going to move out of our houes with the kids. I had recommended that because of finances - we could rent something smaller a lot cheaper. We've talked about it and she agreed.

Today, she says that she might need my help to buy a house. "Next year?" I asked. "No, now."

Would you? We're keeping both of the houses we own for investment reasons,so it would just be another house we own together. It would be the house my kids live at most of the time. OTOH, do I want to continue to entangle myself in her life - she's already got a boyfriend and is trying to get me out of her life.

Part of me wants to just say - you don't want to be married, don't expect the priveleges of marriage. Still, my kids need a place to call home. I was planning to buy next year after the divorce is final, and I was hoping her business or job would allow her to buy.

What would you do? I'm inclined to say no.

 

[Million Pieces]

Yah, go with that. There are many other ways that you can provide for your children's well-being. Do not stay attached to this woman in any way, any longer than you absolutely need to.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Yeah.... I'd go with no way Jose.
Your point about the privileges
of marriage hits a home run.
My thinking exactly.

 

[kanga22]

I'd say, "no". She can rent for now and buy later. Maybe she'll have more incentive to make her business a success if she has the desire to buy and can't get anyone to give her a handout. She will have to learn to stand on her own someday, might as well start now.

 

[Million Pieces]

Nevermind that, she can't be allowed to pick and choose what parts of "marriage" she wants to use. It's all or nothing.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Aside from the fact that when she left she gave up all marriage privledges, there is another issue that makes me want to say NOOOOOO. Have you thought about how you will feel if she starts making a "happy home" with her new boyfriend in the house that you helped pay for? This is a very real possibility and I don't want to see you being hurt further. Avoiding being tied together even further will probably help you to heal. Your kids will have a home even if it's not a house and if things work out well you will each have your own house next year.

 

[free4all]

I totally agree with every response you've been given.

Cosigning for her may severely impact your credit, your finances, and your options in the future. You need to protect yourself by providing for your future as well as the future of possibly another wife and more children.

Refusing to cosign doesn't mean your children will be homeless. It means your wife will not have a new house right now.

I'd stay away from cosigning for her on anything. Refusing to cosign is NOT abandoning your children. It's divorce, and it's what she chose.

If her boyfriend is such a great guy, let him fork up the money to buy a house.

 

[Godisgr8r]

I totally agree with every response you've been given.

Cosigning for her may severely impact your credit, your finances, and your options in the future. You need to protect yourself by providing for your future as well as the future of possibly another wife and more children.

Refusing to cosign doesn't mean your children will be homeless. It means your wife will not have a new house right now.

I'd stay away from cosigning for her on anything. Refusing to cosign is NOT abandoning your children. It's divorce, and it's what she chose.

If her boyfriend is such a great guy, let him fork up the money to buy a house.

Amen brother!

 

[bethrow]

Why can't her boyfriend help her buy a house? Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it to. Meaning she doesn't want you in her life, but needs you for financial reasons or whatever. If you help her buy a house...you aren't really going to be out of her life.
I'd say "NO WAY!"

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Well, I told my mentor - a very strong Christian man and retired officer what my wife asked and he laughed out load - for several seconds. That made me feel validated, because I felt guilty telling her no on Monday nite.

 

[Million Pieces]

LOL I;m so happy you said No to her!! Way to go!! I understand how that had to be really difficult for you.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Apparently I was the only one even considering that it might be a good idea

I didn't expect to already be in such a hurry for this process to be over.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Apparently I was the only one even considering that it might be a good idea

I didn't expect to already be in such a hurry for this process to be over.

For some.... (me) you're amazed at how happy you are when it's finally over.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I'm feeling that right now, but I'm sure the roller coaster is just beginning.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

And it will be that, so base your decisions on the assistance of those you trust (ie your mentor, pastor, etc.) and keep your faith steady. That will help to get you through.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks ... the support of friends is so essential right now. I now have a "Louisiana Mom" who checks up on me every couple days.

 

[klynnmiller]

Besides, if you would have co-signed and she decided just to stop making payments, you'd be responsible. And it sounds like she's been rather childish so far, so why put it past her. She wants so much from you already, why give her the oportunity to financially "kill" you?

Marriage is a family decision, divorce is a business decision. Protect youself for your future. She's going to have to learn what "separation and divorce" really means, especially since it's been her doing.

 

[Jameskind]

I would say no also.