Conundrum

[Eirenay]

Does anyone else face this problem?

I'm single and I work full-time. I volunteer at a heritage village on the weekends and play keyboard at my church. When I meet a guy and he finds out how 'busy' I am he assumes that I wouldn't have time for a relationship. But part of the reason I'm so 'busy' is because I have the time to do it.
Or even worse. I'm single and work full-time and take care of myself. yet I'm a complementarian, meaning I believe that if I get married I intend to raise my kids at home and take care of the house. But any complementarian guys see that I'm financially independent and successful at my job and thus don't think I could ever be 'submissive.' Guys who are more egalitarian are scared off because I am willing to give up my career for family.
Basically it means I'm euchred. Add to the fact that I'm intelligent and educated, and it equals me 'intimidating' guys.
Blah!!!!
Perhaps we should return to the time old tradition of arranged marriages.
This is my rant.

 

[sakamuyo]

Ditto that. I put a lot of hours into my work because I really don't have anything else that needs to be done, so I may as well spend more time with the youth. If a relationship was to come along, time would be made. Until then, I'm not going to just sit around doing nothing in case I might need to have some extra time next week.

 

[TriptychR]

Feh. Guys shouldn't worry so much about whether or not you are "submissive" enough. They should submit a little themselves and help at the heritage village too! That would be a great guy to find.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Saying what you want is the key. When they ask about your job, phrase it like, "I do --- and volunteer to make my free time valuable. Got to have something to do while I wait to be a housewife and mother!" I'm sure you'll find a way to slip it in there - you'd be surprised what you can tell people un this subtle way. My writing tutor would call it passive voice. (See - I just did it. Without being purposeful I just told you I study.)

Intimidating men is easy to do. I intimidate them because how mature I am for my age and how well I know what I want. Men are like women, only show fear differently. More than likely the men you are intimidating are being so because you know what they want & they don't. It's probably better you don't date them because if they can't say what they want, they can't tell you either.

S

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

I'm single and work full-time and take care of myself. yet I'm a complementarian, meaning I believe that if I get married I intend to raise my kids at home and take care of the house. But any complementarian guys see that I'm financially independent and successful at my job and thus don't think I could ever be 'submissive.' Guys who are more egalitarian are scared off because I am willing to give up my career for family.

I understand exactly where you're coming from. On top of being able to care for myself I'm a bit of a aggressive/passionate sort of person and there are quite a few men out there that are intimidated or just plain don't like gals like that.

But there some who are.

Do not compromise who you are to please these silly men. Seriously, because there will be a man who does come along and will like you for that. If they don't, I don't think they're the person you're suppose to be with.

 

[OhhJim]

You'll intimidate the wrong ones, but impress the right one.

 

[Eirenay]

Thanks for the encouragement all!
Cheers!

 

[Living4Him03]

Yah I can relate. I end up intimidating guys sometimes I think because I have gotten my education so quickly. I'm 22 and will have a master's degree in December. It's not that I'm Einstein, I've just worked really hard and I am driven. I have a passion for what I do. I'm also pretty busy, but I'm not sure if that's something guys consider in deciding not to ask me out. I know I've wanted to date guys who seemed too busy and at first they claimed they were not and it was great, then when it came to the third or fourth date or whatever they would say they were too busy. Go figure.

 

[Tenorvoice]

oopps

 

[Iggster]

Does anyone else face this problem?

I'm single and I work full-time. I volunteer at a heritage village on the weekends and play keyboard at my church. When I meet a guy and he finds out how 'busy' I am he assumes that I wouldn't have time for a relationship. But part of the reason I'm so 'busy' is because I have the time to do it.
Or even worse. I'm single and work full-time and take care of myself. yet I'm a complementarian, meaning I believe that if I get married I intend to raise my kids at home and take care of the house. But any complementarian guys see that I'm financially independent and successful at my job and thus don't think I could ever be 'submissive.' Guys who are more egalitarian are scared off because I am willing to give up my career for family.
Basically it means I'm euchred. Add to the fact that I'm intelligent and educated, and it equals me 'intimidating' guys.
Blah!!!!
Perhaps we should return to the time old tradition of arranged marriages.
This is my rant.

You sound like my ex-g/f......She was so independant that I decided she should be independant all by herself. It was as if she didn't need me around anymore.

 

[KeilCoppes]

But any complementarian guys see that I'm financially independent and successful at my job and thus don't think I could ever be 'submissive.' Guys who are more egalitarian are scared off because I am willing to give up my career for family.
Basically it means I'm euchred. Add to the fact that I'm intelligent and educated, and it equals me 'intimidating' guys.

My mom and dad didn't have the problem - they were doing things together to serve. Dad went out on pulpit supply and mom went along and played piano. Congrats on your success and hoping to raise a family. I never good figure out the egalitarians. As for a complementary and lead following attitude in togetherness, that's a function of person, not of job. A capable wife is a great blessing. My mom is one of those very capable people, so I suppose I have a unique perspective.

ps - As for intelligent and educated? Definite plus. I was enjoying your vocabulary - Conundrum, complementarian, egalitarian, euchred? It's refreshing, reviving and scintillating... God has blessed you. May He bless you even more.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

You sound like my ex-g/f......She was so independant that I decided she should be independant all by herself. It was as if she didn't need me around anymore.

The OP didn't sound that way to me. She stated that once she found someone and married, she expected her role in life to change to basically revolve around her family. I do not think that's too independent.

Seriously, I do not understand what you some of you men think. That we should be sitting there twiddling our thumbs just waiting for some man to come and rescue us. If he doesn't, "Then I'd just die! *sigh*" **

**Disclaimer: Not intended to be rude or snotty. This is in natural conversation tone of voice and no other context is indicated by my tone.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

You'll intimidate the wrong ones, but impress the right one.

OhhJim is right, Eirenay. Now, I was having a phone conversation the other night with an absolutely wonderful gentleman who told me that the person who I am is one of the things that he finds attractive to me. I questioned that because my aggressive, say-it-like-it-is attitude tends to turn most away.

Who would have thunk it?

I think once you become content and accept yourself for who and what you are--and not seek that acceptance from anyone else--then things seem to start falling into place. Don't lose faith, Eirenay.

 

[Eirenay]

I guess on one hand it does have its advantages. I mean in the long run, I have life experience, skills and lots of silly stories that I could one day tell my children (ie trying to learn how to drill a hole in a wall to hang a picture, the tiny hole ended up cracking the whole wall hahaha)
Cheers!

 

[KeilCoppes]

Go for the joint compound! Now if only it lasted better on the shelf...

 

[Fatolia]

Eirenay, honestly, I think girls like you are hard to find. I really am hotly attracted to girls...er...I mean, women who are as you describe. So don't worry. If there's one guy (i.e. me) who's attracted to that, there's bound to be more. So don't worry about your personality. At least someone'll think it's red hot.

BTW, I also am attracted to girls who intimidate guys. I know a few people like that...it's very alluring and challenging.

 

[JPPT1974]

We may not agree with the same ideas and issues. But the most important thing is that we are Christians and need to also be more like Christ. Imitate him though we are far, far from perfect. It is hard in this world but with God we can get through the times.

 

[Eirenay]

Eirenay, honestly, I think girls like you are hard to find. I really am hotly attracted to girls...er...I mean, women who are as you describe. So don't worry. If there's one guy (i.e. me) who's attracted to that, there's bound to be more. So don't worry about your personality. At least someone'll think it's red hot.

BTW, I also am attracted to girls who intimidate guys. I know a few people like that...it's very alluring and challenging.

Thanks Fatolia!


And today as I sat on my patio, enjoying my morning paper and a tea, I just felt proud. I mean proud of my apartment, my life, and my faith. And I don't mean proud in a sinful way. It's as if I was finally realizing that God was and is taking care of me, and I have been blessed in so many ways. I guess its time to look at the blessings rather than those things that I think are lacking in my life....knowing that God's taking care of those things as well.

 

[Fatolia]

Thanks Fatolia!


And today as I sat on my patio, enjoying my morning paper and a tea, I just felt proud. I mean proud of my apartment, my life, and my faith. And I don't mean proud in a sinful way. It's as if I was finally realizing that God was and is taking care of me, and I have been blessed in so many ways. I guess its time to look at the blessings rather than those things that I think are lacking in my life....knowing that God's taking care of those things as well.

Excellent!!!!!

 

[JPPT1974]

Just go to God for help and he will take good care of you. Even if others may not agree with you, that doesn't matter. All that matters is God.