Contradiction yet truth

[KeilCoppes]

A thought came back around again this evening as I wound down.

The more comfortable I am with not becoming something to be married or dating or even being married or dating, the more comfortable I am with myself.
The more comfortable I am with myself the more likely I am to be able to get together with someone.

The more comfortable I am with not becoming, the more my rosy glasses childhood dreams slip away and the more I can enjoy what really is.
The more I can enjoy what really is rather than dreams, the more I am able to be able to sustain a real and blessed relationship.


And this from letting the end go and enjoying the living. The end may still be.
OR... Don't you really want to be yourself if things work out?

 

[Apollonian]

How is that a contradiction? It seems pretty straight forward to me. Good thoughts.

At the same time, I ask if we all should become apathetic to dating. It is one thing to say "I will not concern myself with dating" and another (though subtle) to say "I will not care about dating". The difference is whether you will respond if God puts someone obvious in your field of view (and I'm not talking about the feeling of "oh he/she has to be the one" but more "you know, I think we'd make a good couple").

In the end, it is good to follow your childhood dreams about yourself, God, and Life before your childhood dreams that include other people. You can always count on God and you can, most times, count on yourself. However, it's hard to count on a person who you don't know to exist at all (potential date).

 

[Tuffguy]

The older i get the more baggage i have. The more baggage i have the more difficult it becomes to have a 'pure' or 'innocent' relationship. Girls my own age have even more baggage then me it seems.
The solution???? Date young girls. I love being a man.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

The older i get the more baggage i have. The more baggage i have the more difficult it becomes to have a 'pure' or 'innocent' relationship. Girls my own age have even more baggage then me it seems.
The solution???? Date young girls. I love being a man.

Someone help this poor man!

 

[invisiblebabe]

It is quite ironic that when we hold our desires with open hands, it seems to be the optimal time for them to be fulfilled.

How is that a contradiction? It seems pretty straight forward to me. Good thoughts.

At the same time, I ask if we all should become apathetic to dating. It is one thing to say "I will not concern myself with dating" and another (though subtle) to say "I will not care about dating". The difference is whether you will respond if God puts someone obvious in your field of view (and I'm not talking about the feeling of "oh he/she has to be the one" but more "you know, I think we'd make a good couple").

I agree... at one youth group I went to in high school, even some of the seniors in college who attended almost acted like dating was purely evil and something to be avoided at all costs. One 22-year-old girl said something like, "I almost dated. I was in that situation a few times, but I'm glad that I resisted the temptation." It wasn't like she was going to be celibate for life, either.. she did want to get married someday. However, how could she, if that's how she acted towards dating?!

Also, childhood dreams are good to have. Keep your expectations realistic and account for living in a fallen world, but don't give up on your dreams either.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Someone help this poor man!

Ok. Hey Tuffguy, wanna go out sometime?









Couldn't resist... that one was too easy...

 

[KeilCoppes]

How is that a contradiction? It seems pretty straight forward to me. Good thoughts.

Perhaps 'contradiction' is not as good a word as 'juxtaposition' - two dissimilar things or ideas held together. As someone who always worked to make things happen and threw more and more energy in as time ran out, this is something that simply doesn't work that way. The tighter you get, the worse you do. In order to better, you need to be more relaxed. And yet, being relaxed on the surface is not enough - that is instantly obvious. That relaxation and happiness in life has to go all the way to the core, and that's something you can't force. You need to let go in order to relax back into it.

And at the same time you need to let it go on one level and keep doing the right thing to bring possibilities on another. That's my juxtaposition: simultaneously letting go while still being open and gently seeking.

 

[KeilCoppes]

It is quite ironic that when we hold our desires with open hands, it seems to be the optimal time for them to be fulfilled.

Holding our blessings and our desires in open palm is classic from the Puritans. But it is indeed true.

I'll disagree with the 22-year old on not dating - there is indeed the truth - if you lock yourself in an iron box, how would you ever get to know someone?

Also, childhood dreams are good to have. Keep your expectations realistic and account for living in a fallen world, but don't give up on your dreams either.

Strange as that may seem, I agree with that in principle. My challenge with that is that as a childhood dreamer I made my dreams foundational in my world and it lasted far into my adult life - I overdid it, and the pendulum swinging back to reality was painful and sometimes the pendulum still swings. My dreams were dreamt with the misty qualities of childhood, and I simply didn't know much about life - I was a child. As an adult I've learned that although good to have, dreams don't come with guarantees, and fulfilled dreams don't have that same misty quality. They're not made of mist, they're made of real things - much better than mist, but never exactly what I imagined as a child. Perhaps it would be better to say that my childhood dreams are growing up. The core is the same, but who I am has grown. No longer do I sit with my parents and blindly hope that everything will simply happen and know that it will. Now I'm in the place of my parents and have to do my own walking and seeking after.

And so perspective changes, part of which is noticing that it's a beautiful evening outside to be enjoyed in God's world, rather than crying to my parents that things aren't how I in childhood quality imagined. Of course they aren't like I imagined - I was a child! When I became a man it was time to put those childish dream qualities away and to make my dreams grow up. :^)

 

[Apollonian]

Perhaps 'contradiction' is not as good a word as 'juxtaposition' - two dissimilar things or ideas held together.

Ah ok. "Dichotomy" also works well.

 

[KeilCoppes]

'dichotomy' is another good word. If I recall, that emphasizes the separation - "cut in two". The thing I like about 'juxtaposition' is the "held together". :^)

I came across the word in a Piers Anthony novel and adopted it.

 

[Fatolia]

hahahaha. I'm almost always attracted to women older than me.

But anywayz, I don't think it's a contradiction. The real women of God will take notice of you when you're so obsessed with loving Jesus, or they'll think you're nuts. And you'll be more attractive when you're not desparate for a lady but desparate for him. Start treating your sisters in Christ like sisters, as if they're your best pals...that's how Jesus did it! And for some reason that's an attractive thing (not that we do that on purpose, but when we take our minds off human obsessive relationships do we become fit to handle them, and we become more confident and thus more attractive) No friend, it's not a contradiction, it's psychosis. HAHAHA!

 

[KeilCoppes]

I'll pass short of psychosis, but I have gotten to the position of knowing that I'm looking for a best friend for life rather than a dream. Since that's the case, kicking back and enjoying being friends (with open possibilities) is the way to go. Target being friends - that's the basis.

 

[Tuffguy]

Ok. Hey Tuffguy, wanna go out sometime?









Couldn't resist... that one was too easy...

Caelda,,,i think this backfired on you. LOL

Invisibabe... What makes you think i'm that easy?

 

[invisiblebabe]

*sings* I'm six years younger....

 

[Tuffguy]

I live in a college town,,, you're gonna have to do better then that. LOL

 

[KeilCoppes]

I've got to ask - how can you at the same time be too serious and yet still enjoy Saturday morning cartoons and big glasses of chocolate milk?