Contraceptives and sterilisation

[bubblegirl23]

"hocketsistah said: But the thing is that they may steer you down spiritually if the relationship goes any further. The bible says specifically that we are not be yoked with non-believers and that include so-called nice guys."


Don't tell me that! My probability of finding the right man goes down to a million-to-one!

Anyhow, aren't christians wrong to use contraceptives or sterilisations like the catholics? Because of health problems, I can't use contraceptives, and I am unable to use natural methods because getting pregnant alone would risk my life.

So if sterilisation is wrong, what are
my chances of finding a christian man who would do it? I've always put hope on my finding a man to do this so I may have a normal marriage like everyone else, but now I'm worried. I don't want to be a spinster! I've refused offers of intimacy for 8 years, thinking I would find a wonderful man who would be not wanting kids and would get sterilised, so I could share myself with him in every beautiful way there is.

S

 

[Biarien]

Um, I think your chances of finding a man who jumps at the chance to be sterilized is fairly slim. It's a permanent procedure, and one can always use birth control. Supposedly they are coming out with a pill for males (at least they're trying to).

That said, I suppose you could find a man who wants to be sterilized, but I don't think that's a very common desire.

 

[bubblegirl23]

You're not kidding! I mainly seek older men (25-35) who are not wanting kids, or have had children to an ex-wife. I do meet men of one of these instances, but they have demanded I got the operation (I've begged all the gynocologists, but they say I'm too young and too risky to sterilise) , they've been unable to move, or won't go free of chemicals.

I hope somewhere out there is a compassionate, respectful man out there for me who doesn't want children, or even a man whose "shooting blanks", who will love me and remain with me for a good chunk of our future. When I found him, I would never let him go!

 

[fishstix]

"hocketsistah said: But the thing is that they may steer you down spiritually if the relationship goes any further. The bible says specifically that we are not be yoked with non-believers and that include so-called nice guys."

Don't tell me that! My probability of finding the right man goes down to a million-to-one!

Not really. If you're a Christian then the right man for you will also be a Christian. So eliminating all the other guys doesn't reduce your probability of finding the right one, since none of them are him In fact, it should increase your probability because you can eliminate a whole bunch of Mr. Wrongs right away. And there are Christian men out there who don't want kids.

Anyhow, aren't christians wrong to use contraceptives or sterilisations like the catholics? Because of health problems, I can't use contraceptives, and I am unable to use natural methods because getting pregnant alone would risk my life.

If you don't feel right about using contraceptives or sterilization once you are married, there is also some kind of method based on your cycle. I'm not sure quite how it works but I'll bet if you ask over on the Catholic board someone there probably knows.

 

[harmmony]

There's absolutely nothing biblically wrong with contraception or sterilisation. So from that point of view I wouldn't be worried, you can't safely have kids and I simply don't want any, so we are both looking to marry men who don't want children, or who through whatever circumstances already has them. I trust God to have that man for me. I don't know how old you are, but if you are so young that doctors won't perform your surgery, then I think you must still be quite young (especially if an older guy is 25). So, I think that you have plenty of time yet to find that man, you should put it in God's hands though, because it might not work out very well if you are out there doing it all yourself. Don't rush it or force it. There's also the possibility that with prayer you could be healed of your medical problem that causes your life to be at risk through pregnancy.

 

[klewlis]

I don't think that contraception is a sin, and you don't have to get sterilized--there are some really great and effective methods of birth control out there. Ask your doctor about depo, since you only have to get a shot once every three months. Or there's always the pill, an old standby. It is a little much to require a guy to be sterilized in order to be with you... especially YOUNG guys that are only 25-35... I'm sure they'd be game for contraception, but sterilization is permanent!

Don't worry about your "chances" of finding someone. This is not a game of chance--God already has it all under control.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Ok, time to shock you all. Contraception-wise, I have tried everything! After trying 8 pills, it has been concluded that I am allergic to artificial hormones. This rules out depo and noristerat, particularly because if I reacted, it could not be reversed.

Barrier methods are out because I am allergic to sheepskin, latex, spermacides and petroleum-based products.

Coils, IUDs, and full tubal ligations will not be suitable because I'd either need to go under anasetic, or the device could cause allergies or complications.

A tube tie under epidural would be my best option, but it's still a huge risk even with my industrial-strength mask, heavy medications and ensuring there is a time limit of 60minutes (the longer the time, the more the danger). Then I have to ask mum to shower me and nurse me in bed. The shower to decontaminate from world chemicals like fragrances, cleaners, car fumes etc etc etc.

If God plans to cure me, I am thrilled. But, I won't put my life on hold for a maybe. I'd be wasting what I do have! And there is no guarantee that my immune would not become disfunctional again.

It's far easier to find a man, who would become sterile because he would be right for me, healthy or sick. It would be heart-breaking if I found one when I was cured, only to have him refuse sterilisation if I became ill again.

If sterilisation isn't a sin, I won't think of any other alternative. Natural methods will not suit me, because pregnancy would risk me. Morning-after pills are hormone-based and stronger, abortion would go under as operation risk, and having a child would cause more danger than anything else. I don't like my odds.

 

[fishstix]

Perhaps there is a man out there for you who is already sterile.

 

[kudjo]

[QUOTE Because of health problems, I can't use contraceptives, and I am unable to use natural methods because getting pregnant alone would risk my life.
S[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry but it doesn't hang together when you say you have health risks and your Ob/Gyn won't sterilize you....hmmmm, health risk, but he won't look out for your health?

 

[jenptcfan]

the natural method alluded to has been proven to be as effective as birth control pills, so don't rule that out until you've looked into it further. You'll want to look up NFP--there are numerous threads about it and it's an approved method of contraception for members of the Catholic church, so I'm sure you could find a nice Catholic lady who could answer some of your questions there. It's all scientifically based and is NOT the same thing as the rhythm method (rhythm method is NOT effective).

You say it's hard to find a guy who doesn't want kids, but are you ruling out the possibility that you could still have children through adoption? There are lots of great kids out there just waiting for the right parents. Unless you just generally don't want kids.

I know that this has to be a stressful illness for you, and my heart goes out to you. But try not to "put the cart before the horse". Before you start worrying about all this contraception mess, you'll need to meet the man God has for you. God knows your situation and if he intends for you to be married, he already has a man in mind who will fit perfectly into your life (illness or no). Don't stress over the stuff that's not in your control--even when you're stressing, you're not controlling it any more than if you were trusting. And trusting God is what's best for us. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Doesn't hang together... ok, time for the long explanation

Doctors agree in my situation, abstinence or a man I am with going through sterilisation is the best option. My immune deficiency which causes deadly allergies to common chemicals, means any medical interference such as operations are deadly alone. I live in the suburbs, and have been unable to go outside ever or I get very ill and can die. Our neighbours wear perfumes, smoke, use fertilisers or have cars, and all of these things make me sick. When I get sick, I have anaphylactic shock, which everyone knows is deadly and very scary. And because of my allergies, moving or changing environment would be deadly too.

To give you an idea of how common my allergies would be if I lived in a normal world, I have a list at www.bubblegirl.net/chemfree.html
This highlights how life is for me.

S

 

[jenptcfan]

The end of that page that you linked to kind of confused me. It sounded like you were describing what you're looking for in a man, but all you've said on the page is what all you're allergic to. What about including information about your personality, interests, character qualities? There's got to be more to you than this illness. Let it shine!

 

[fishstix]

Wow... I couldn't imagine having to live like that. You must be a really strong person mentally and emotionally to be able to deal with all that. So, how will you know if/when you get better?

 

[bubblegirl23]

I have my bio on www.bubblegirl.net/bubble.html, but I didn't give it earlier. The pics of me is when I'd shaved my hair short. Oh, and no I'm not wearing makeup... it's jellybean. Yes, the sweet... just lick and apply. I got sick of no lippy or eyeshadow so thought up ideas of lollies or edible foods that stain. If I was light-haired, I'd do my hair too!

S

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Bubblegirl... I so want to hug you Not knowing whether you actually WANT kids or not doesnt matter - the fact that there is NO artificial contraceptive available to you (and the fact that they wont give u a hysterectomy) just makes me so upset. I will be praying for you...

Another tip for people - are u aware that SOME contraceptives aren't used SOLELY for contraception - I have been on the pill since BEFORE I even thought about becoming sexually active - because of my skin - it was the only drug available that didn't make me throw up/get depressive/etc...

Also, some people got HIV due to blood transfusions and needles sticks as health workers (I work with someone who was infected due to a needlestick). Should he not do everything in his power to keep his wife safe by wearing a condom and preventing infecting her???

ps. Contraception doesn't always work - condoms break, I was conceived whilst mum was on the pill, the natural method is NOT fail safe (you can fall pregnant without [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] occurring - seminal fluid also carries sperm) believe me - friends of mine are catholic - only use the rhythm/withdrawal method - and each of them have 5 kids apiece!

If you want to discuss the man in the bible who deliberately prevented his wife from falling pregnant (and how that was a sin) to counter my argument - feel free to PM me...

 

[fishstix]

I think there's more to natural methods than just rhythm/withdrawal. As far as those 5 kids go - perhaps your friends had them on purpose, since natural methods can be used to purposely increase the chances of having kids as well.

 

[songz777]

Hello bubblegirl,
As a chap the thought "The Snip" is oooooch lol. My brother had it done, and when his marriage sadely failed (supposed to have been married to Christian but obviousally not) his 2nd wife had to make that choice of marrying a "Snipped Man" ..they will have to adopt. As for me, at 41 I am open to Gods will as regards children, I think I could now say LORD Im willing not to have children and for us to live our lives in greater service for you. Also if I met someone who had a condition that dicated I should have a "Snip" I guess I would. However Im sure the other means of control are pretty good. As far as Im concerned there isnt any thing wrong with birth control. If any thing its a blessing to society. Hope this helps a little.Bless you Bubble ...Take care JOHN

 

[Rosa Mystica]

the natural method alluded to has been proven to be as effective as birth control pills, so don't rule that out until you've looked into it further. You'll want to look up NFP--there are numerous threads about it and it's an approved method of contraception for members of the Catholic church, so I'm sure you could find a nice Catholic lady who could answer some of your questions there.

Here's a nice Catholic lady.

Bubblegirl: NFP basically involves daily examination of fertility signs (mucus and temp) over a day to basis to determine whether one is fertile or not. I'm an unmarried virgin, so I'm not the best person for filling you in on the particulars of the method. But like Jen said, definitely ask in OBOB.

Jen: NFP is not contraception (if it was, we wouldn't approve of it). NFP works w/ the body, not against it. It is a non-contraceptive method of birth control which is morally licit when not used w/ a contraceptive mentality.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Yes, contraception is unsafe sometimes. If dating, I could not/would not rely on those, or even natural methods. For me, I'd play safe and not go further than kissing, keeping a my-pants-stay-on rule. Within the year I could decide from this if I could see myself with them long-term, then looking at the snip, as long as they were as happy.

And John, you're thinking the scalpel vasectomy which needs hospital stays. I mean the non-scalpel vasectomy. It is a lot less evasive and is performed under a local anasetic in a doctors office. It costs $110 AUSD, and is over in 30 minutes. There is no swelling, only a dull ache much like a period pain. Men can go back to work the following day, and sex too if they wish. All that is left is getting the "water out" that's stuck in the "hose".

For couples who do not want children, this is the safest and cheapest protection for them. Men can be sterilised from the age of 18, when women are not even considered until over 28, AND have already had children... which seems a bit unfair.

For those who read my pages, will know adoption is risky for me. However, I am open to my partner banking sperm "in case the future of our relationship was uncertain", ie, he didn't love me anymore, or couldn't fight a desire for children.

Given the choice, I'd rather be the one sterilised, but WHAT A HILL to defeat! As I said above, I'd have to be at least 28, and then pray my medical history is overlooked.

S