Well My last testimony post was alright, but not in much detail. So here we go.
I was born and raised in an all Christian enviroment as were my parents.
When I was 11 I began to turn on my relationship with Jesus. I cussed to myself all the time, and I was controlled by satan. I had turned against all I had loved and known. After about 3 months of this going on it got worse, I began to look at some bad things online. I did horrible things there. I was completely turned around and backwards by this point.
Whenever I turned 12 I realized I was more lethargic than normal. Just kind of tired and emotionless all the time. It continued to get more and more-so. I began to get depressed and think bad things about myself. I began to cry almost every night and think about the worst thing that could come out of this. I thought that God would turn on me. I never told anyone this, I hid it all to myself. My friends began to notice these things and began to ask me if I was alright. I put on a happy face and say "Yeah Im great!"
This went on up to when I turned 13 in 2005. By that novemeber I had had enough. I was looking at bad stuff online and I felt horrible. So I took a knife to my chest and then the phone rang. I answered it crying and a voice said. "No! Don't do it! I love you! Come back to me!" said the voice. I began to cry histarically and my friend comforted me. She didnt remember what she had just said. So I knew it was from God. I told her everything that was going on...but she seemed to already know. So I recomitted to Christ and I was free.
But I didnt follow my recomittment. I still cussed to myself and to some certain people who I knew would not judge me. Demons began to possess my mind. I couldnt get them out of my mind. I couldnt sleep at night and I had suicidal thoughts almost all the time.
I recommited myself to Christ again and the demons went away finally. But I was still depressed all the time. I couldnt get the thought of suicide out of my mind.
This went on until I turned 14. I began to cry all the time and feel miserable. I began to cut myself on a irregular basis. I finally told my parents all this and they put me in a mental hospital. I hated life.
On Valentines Day of 2007 I just wanted to die. So I took a buch of pills and swallowed them. I waited about 10 mintues and then I began to get dizzy. I called my same friend and told her that I had overdosed. She immediately called my dad and told him. He rushed me to the hospital just in time. I had to drink this black, tar-looking stuff out of a straw. I almost threw up twice. But I got it ALL down. My parents put me in ANOTHER mental hospital. It helped this time....but not enough.
I got out of the hospital and I was alright. I didnt have as many suicidal thoughts anymore. But then it got worse again. I began to cut again and my parents put me into ANOTHER mental hospital...AGAIN! So there I was...in the hospital. I really didnt see the point in it. But that time helped ALOT.
After I got out of the hospital the third time I went to see my psychiatrist. He told me I was Manic-Depressive. So he put me on pills for that. The pills have helped me so much and I wouldnt be alive today without them.
But then I began to get panic attacks. So he put me on a pill for that too.
And THEN I got horrible stomach aches so then I had to see a doctor for that. So I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease and an enlarged thyroid. So now Im on pills for that too. Plus some other vitamins and such.
So now. Iam still dealing with the Manic-Depression and the thyroid stuff, but Iam living at least. I still cut myself, but very rarely. I still have a slight problem with the cussing, but God paid the price for my sins. So to end my testimony, I want the world to know that Im a survivor and a testimony to all who deal with these such things. I can help you if you ever need any info on these disorders.
Love,
Sqiz.
I was born and raised in an all Christian enviroment as were my parents.
When I was 11 I began to turn on my relationship with Jesus. I cussed to myself all the time, and I was controlled by satan. I had turned against all I had loved and known. After about 3 months of this going on it got worse, I began to look at some bad things online. I did horrible things there. I was completely turned around and backwards by this point.
Whenever I turned 12 I realized I was more lethargic than normal. Just kind of tired and emotionless all the time. It continued to get more and more-so. I began to get depressed and think bad things about myself. I began to cry almost every night and think about the worst thing that could come out of this. I thought that God would turn on me. I never told anyone this, I hid it all to myself. My friends began to notice these things and began to ask me if I was alright. I put on a happy face and say "Yeah Im great!"
This went on up to when I turned 13 in 2005. By that novemeber I had had enough. I was looking at bad stuff online and I felt horrible. So I took a knife to my chest and then the phone rang. I answered it crying and a voice said. "No! Don't do it! I love you! Come back to me!" said the voice. I began to cry histarically and my friend comforted me. She didnt remember what she had just said. So I knew it was from God. I told her everything that was going on...but she seemed to already know. So I recomitted to Christ and I was free.
But I didnt follow my recomittment. I still cussed to myself and to some certain people who I knew would not judge me. Demons began to possess my mind. I couldnt get them out of my mind. I couldnt sleep at night and I had suicidal thoughts almost all the time.
I recommited myself to Christ again and the demons went away finally. But I was still depressed all the time. I couldnt get the thought of suicide out of my mind.
This went on until I turned 14. I began to cry all the time and feel miserable. I began to cut myself on a irregular basis. I finally told my parents all this and they put me in a mental hospital. I hated life.
On Valentines Day of 2007 I just wanted to die. So I took a buch of pills and swallowed them. I waited about 10 mintues and then I began to get dizzy. I called my same friend and told her that I had overdosed. She immediately called my dad and told him. He rushed me to the hospital just in time. I had to drink this black, tar-looking stuff out of a straw. I almost threw up twice. But I got it ALL down. My parents put me in ANOTHER mental hospital. It helped this time....but not enough.
I got out of the hospital and I was alright. I didnt have as many suicidal thoughts anymore. But then it got worse again. I began to cut again and my parents put me into ANOTHER mental hospital...AGAIN! So there I was...in the hospital. I really didnt see the point in it. But that time helped ALOT.
After I got out of the hospital the third time I went to see my psychiatrist. He told me I was Manic-Depressive. So he put me on pills for that. The pills have helped me so much and I wouldnt be alive today without them.
But then I began to get panic attacks. So he put me on a pill for that too.
And THEN I got horrible stomach aches so then I had to see a doctor for that. So I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease and an enlarged thyroid. So now Im on pills for that too. Plus some other vitamins and such.
So now. Iam still dealing with the Manic-Depression and the thyroid stuff, but Iam living at least. I still cut myself, but very rarely. I still have a slight problem with the cussing, but God paid the price for my sins. So to end my testimony, I want the world to know that Im a survivor and a testimony to all who deal with these such things. I can help you if you ever need any info on these disorders.
Love,
Sqiz.
