Considering Separation

[hischild71]

Hi all,

I had written here a while ago but for the life of me cannot remember my login information, , so I will try to recap what I wrote and add the update that happened recently. Some of you might remember my earlier post after you start reading this....

Ok, I have been married for 3 1/2 years. I am a Christian, my husband is not. He will not go to church with me or really have anything to do with the Christian life. Long story short: We have been together for six years total. Known him since we were both teenagers. We are 37 and 41 now. He has been physically, emotionally and mentally abusive for most of that time. He has also been in trouble with the law over the years and most recently, last year, when he was convicted of burglary of 3 residences. I had written here about whether or not this was enough to separate and/or divorce and received alot of feedback from both "sides". Most recently, I found out that he had robbed my mom of her life savings, to the tune of $31,000. We had reported the robbery before we knew it was him but he later confessed it was him about 3 weeks after trying to convince us it was someone else. He has shown NO remorse, nor has he asked for forgiveness or shown any inkling of being sorry. My mom took us into her home after we got kicked out of our old home by the landlord due to this legal trouble. She treated him like a son and helped him out alot being emotionally supportive and helped financially by paying for bail and lawyer fees. And then he turns around and steals EVERYTHING she has. She is 72 and now has no financial security.

I have read/listened/heard almost everything on the subject of God and His feelings about divorce. I have consulted my therapist and pastor and have come to terms with my feelings on the subject. I won't get into that right now. For anyone that remember my earlier post about this, I wanted to write just to add this update to see if anyone who had expressed before that they thought I should stick it out and see if the most recent theft against my mother by him changes anything. I also am writing to seek further opinions on the subject.

I really feel that divorce is appropriate in this instance because of the following reasons:

1) he robbed my mother and shows no remorse and barely confessed to doing so

2) for the next five years he will be in an intense drug probation program where I will only see him twice a week.

3) I can't see being marriage to someone I rarely see especially with ALL that he has done over the years. It seems we are getting nowhere fast.

4) I am concerned about my future because I am now 41 and even though I am not that old, I am worried about being taken care of and having a life/future/financial security with someone who has never provided such and who certainly will not do so for a long time to come (he has ALOT of restitution to pay plus the IRS is garnishing his wages for back taxes he just didn't feel like paying).

This is also a man that came to see me ONE TIME when I was dying in the hospital last year. I have lost friends, had to claim bankruptcy, and now my family has been hurt by him. This is also the man I love with all my heart.

But this can't be the life that God wants for His children.

Thoughts???

Thank you in advance for listening,
K.K.

 

[faithinmyself]

WOW,that sounds so difficult. Whether some feel it is right or wrong,it is how YOU feel! I know God can change people and restore marriages. The bible is very clear on divorce but if it were me I would definately divorce him...even if it went against biblical facts. But I am not in the right place myself and looking for a way out of my marriage as well.

 

[renewed21]

That is tough hischild. I feel for you sister. I can't say anything contrary to God's Word so I will leave it at that. I will pray for you . God bless.

 

[krodtiltheend]

I have done a lot of research lately on the subject and have come to the conclusion that most people believe that in cases of abuse divorce is considered ok. I would definitely leave him, you deserve SO much better. He clearly has no love or respect for you. I believe I also read recently that when one of them is not a believer it's considered ok. Not entirely sure on that though.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't think God requires a person to stay in an abusive situation. This man should be providing for you and your mother not stealing your money. Say bye and get a restraining order against him. I think God will be perfectly fine with that.

 

[twinmom]

I would have to separate. and pray for him and seek God to see what to do next. the word says husbands love your wives like Christ loves the church. So.....yeah, I would separate and pray and see what happens. I don't think that we are suppose to stay in situations like that. that's just my opinion. see what your pastor says/advises. i hope the lord grants you the answers and peace.

 

[ironangel20]

I look at it like what it says in Matthew 7:9-11, "which of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone, or if he asks for a fish will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" If you saw your child suffering wouldn't you want them to be free of the abuse? How much more then does God want us to be free from the hurt and the abuse that comes from a husband who refuses to be a good husband and who hurts us? There are some in the church who will never accept divorce, sometimes they even reject it on adultery grounds, but Jesus isn't a letter of the law Savior, we must look at the spirit of the law, and the spirit of the law is that frivolous divorce is to be avoided, but your divorce would be anything but frivolous. If you want to look at it in a truly holistic manner, we could also bring up Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart", God's not being letter of the law here, he's also talking about the spirit of the law, and your husband has violated the sanctity of your marriage and basically destroyed it. I know the conflicting feelings you're feeling, I'm contemplating separation and possibly even divorce myself, but I must say this, when I thought about it from the perspective of a parent (which I am not but I get the concept) I thought about how God must hurt for us when he sees us suffering in a marriage with someone who has no interest in being a real spouse. I cannot picture a God who gave us Matthew 7:9-11 saying that he wants to see us continue to suffer.