Considering Divorce

[c1ners]

I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. I've been married for 20 years now and for 15-17 of those years I've been miserable. I've been ignored and put down for so long now that I've actually started believing the mean things he says. I've been told that I'm undesireable (even though the mirror tells me otherwise, but hey, I must be blind), unloveable, selfish, manipulative, an awful wife, an awful house keeper, and a bad mom. I've been told that I should be happy that he's still with me because no one else in this world could possibly ever love me.

He works for a year or two and then he's out of a job for a year. Right now he's out of work and totally enjoying his "vacation" as he calls it. I was very sick several months ago. So sick that the hospital told me there was nothing they do except keep me comfortable. Fortunately God took the situation in is own hands. I was better within days of being told that I wouldn't make it out of the hospital and within a week I was back at work. I didn't take advantage of my illness, and I used every minute of vacation/personal and sick days I had in order to cover the two weeks I was out.

My husband has changed since my time in the hospital. He's no longer abusive and where he ignored me almost completly, now he cherishes me to the point that I feel suffocated.

I should be happy that I finally got the husband that I've prayed for all these years, but I'm not. My love for him died a long time ago. Before I got sick I was all ready to leave. I have an apartment sitting empty because I'm filled with so much guilt over what I want to do.

But is it fair to either one of us for me to stay in this marriage when I don't love him? Is it fair for me to have to keep pretending and trying to fall back in love with him when I know it'll never happen? I'm miserable and I want out, but everytime I talk to him about it he tells me that if I leave I'll go to hell. So I stay and I try to be the best wife I can be. I try to love him and accept things the way they are. But in my heart of hearts I know I want more.

I pray for you that you find the strength and courage to do what you feel is right for you. Because honestly, I really don't think God wants nor expects us to be so totally unhappy just because we made the mistake of marrying the wrong person.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I'm wondering where he gets the notion that you'll go to hell if you leave?

Not that I am saying to leave, just, I don't know of any scripture that says hell is the consequence for doing so. I'm pretty sure there's not anything but others can correct me if I am wrong.

 

[c1ners]

He brings up all kinds of verses. He tells me that God hates divorce and that if I leave him I'll never be able to be with another man, blah blah blah blah blah.

He also says his first wife is going to hell because she's the one who initiated that divorce. Of course he's on Gods good side because he's such a perfect angel. Ugh! Gag me with a spoon!

Enough about me though. This is someone else's thread

 

[DanielJohn]

He brings up all kinds of verses. He tells me that God hates divorce and that if I leave him I'll never be able to be with another man, blah blah blah blah blah.

He's almost right. It's not that you are never be able to be with another man, but that another man is never able to be with you. "Whoever marries her that is put away from her husband commits adultery" (Luke 16:18). Whenever a woman becomes separated from her husband, the man of God is not to marry her but to "let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husand" (1st Cor. 7:11). The way the man of God helps her is not by coveting her, but by periodically rebuking her husband.

But he needs to exercise wisdom in the way he rebukes. He must never tell the husband to go back to his wife. The Holy Ghost does that if and when He has reproved the husband of his sin. The only thing the rebuker does is to let the husband know three simple truths: 1. God permitted him to marry the one he chose, 2. God forbids every other man on earth to choose her, and 3. God forbids him from choosing any other. By rebuking the unbelieving husband in this fashion, his hatred towards his wife will not grow. Any growth in his hatred will be directed entirely towards God and the man who is rebuking him.

This is why rebuke is not fun. It's dangerous business, but somebody has to do it. The responsibility for doing it falls first upon the family and friends of the husband. Also, women of God need to exercise hospitality by befriending the wife and encouraging her, rather than ignoring her as though she is a social outcast.

 

[janman345]

He's almost right. It's not that you are never be able to be with another man, but that another man is never able to be with you. "Whoever marries her that is put away from her husband commits adultery" (Luke 16:18). Whenever a woman becomes separated from her husband, the man of God is not to marry her but to "let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husand" (1st Cor. 7:11). The way the man of God helps her is not by coveting her, but by periodically rebuking her husband.

But he needs to exercise wisdom in the way he rebukes. He must never tell the husband to go back to his wife. The Holy Ghost does that if and when He has reproved the husband of his sin. The only thing the rebuker does is to let the husband know three simple truths: 1. God permitted him to marry the one he chose, 2. God forbids every other man on earth to choose her, and 3. God forbids him from choosing any other. By rebuking the unbelieving husband in this fashion, his hatred towards his wife will not grow. Any growth in his hatred will be directed entirely towards God and the man who is rebuking him.

This is why rebuke is not fun. It's dangerous business, but somebody has to do it. The responsibility for doing it falls first upon the family and friends of the husband. Also, women of God need to exercise hospitality by befriending the wife and encouraging her, rather than ignoring her as though she is a social outcast.

about the only thing in this post that is scriptural is in red the rest is opinion and even the red is taken out of context, that is the way it was in the beginning, lots of things have happened between the beginning and now. Duet states that once a man divorces a woman it is an abomination to go back with her, that is because of human sin but this rule had to be made because we are not in the beginning anymore, there needs to be ways to deal with abusive spouses that does not punish the innocent which is why the OT law existed. Divorce and remarraige has its place, maybe not in the beginning but now days even your spouse can do really evil things that can cause the relationship to fall apart.

 

[DanielJohn]

Janman345, thank you for the reply. I think I should have read the "Controversial Topics Rule" before I posted. According to that rule, adultery is only to be discussed in a different forum. You're correct that outside of the red and blue scripture, all of the information in my post is not from scripture. It's an unwritten duty that we would have if the Lord's definition of adultery is to be taken literally, as I do. If you want to continue this discussion, then I have started a thread about it in the Ethics & Morality forum. Thank you.

 

[faithinmyself]

Oh boy, it sure has been a LONG time since I came to this forum. I keep meaning too but just never happens it seems, lol.

Thank you all very much for all your responses. I read everyone of them and even though I didn't agree with a few comments I did read it and appreciate the time you took in responding!

Oh and the one reply where she said this was another persons thread (she was discussing her own situation) I don't mind sharing, hehe!

Well things are pretty much the same for me. We just moved into a tiny apartment to help save money and because the rental suite we were renting got sold so we had no choice, LOL.. But everything is about the same. I am trying. We have another counselling session on Friday and I plan on laying everything out there pretty deep but of course nicely. I do respect my husband and his feelings and his needs very much so. My husband wants no more counselling sessions after this one so we will see what happens.

Yes apart of me wants a better life, a new beginning, tired of living the way we are living, not able to pay bills or have a life but at the same time I am not willing to hurt him, leave him and divorce him. I just "feel" like ending things but know in my heart of hearts I can't do it. I am probably not making much I sense I know.

My husband is good with words, good at manipulating my feelings but I suppose this is what I "signed up for". Not sure. But what I can say is my husbands physical medical condition is real. I tend to roll my eyes when I hear him "gagging" from nausea. Only because it is frustrating. The doctors have basically just given up on him and said nothing more they can do. Nice.

I try not to get down on him because I know his sickness is not his fault. But I also feel he uses it as an excuse not to go do things. When I see him working on his vehicile, doing things around the house...it is hard to understand why he can't work...even a few hours a week. He is just not open to it one single bit. We were suppose to go swimming tonight and he told me no because he was "sick" but if I said to him.."Want to go to church tonight", he would jump at the thought and go. Sometimes I encourage him to go to church just go to get rid of him for the night. Am I a bad wife for doing that?

Oh ya, about the pain medication. Just after that incident I took it all away. Gathered up all medication in this house and put it in a bag and hid it. He never once went looking for it. He thought my sister had it at her house so I just let him think that, lol (I am bad I know) so maybe that is why he didn't go looking for it. I bought a pill container for him for all his regular stuff he was taking. He has not been on any depression drugs for a month now. His specialist weened him off and he is no different now than 4 years ago when he started taking them. He also doesn't take any other pain meds since all this happened. Just tylenol for the headaches but that isn't all the time so I am happy when the doctor told me everything he was taking wasn't a type of medicine that he can become "Addicted" too other than the ativan but that was a 1x thing and no more because I threw it all out. But he does not sleep well. He has been like that for years! I do think he needs to talk to his doctor about taking some sleep medication of somesort. I think this is part of his issues. Last night he was awake everytime I rolled over..he was driving me crazy, lol. Maybe if he was able to sleep proper (like a normal person) eat properly (he has poor eating habits due to his nausea) maybe he would feel more normal, maybe he wouldn't be so depressed, maybe he would feel like he could be a proper husband to me, maybe our relationship would strengthen..maybe, maybe, maybe, lol.

Not sure if I am entering dangerous territory by suggesting sleep medicine but the guy just doesn't sleep. I would honestly say that he might sleep 1 or 2 good nights every few MONTHS! Most nights he gets maybe 3 hours of sleep and not consistantly. Not sure how he functions. I have given up watching tv at night with him because he will fall asleep, lol. But that is due to exhausion from not sleeping.

I don't know. Still pretty frustrated with everything. Not sure what to do/think about everything. Very unhappy, very frustrated (oh ya, I already said that, lol) and I try and not resent him but I do. I try not to put pressure on him by telling him how I feel or put pressure on him by getting upset with him and mostly just try and be quiet and try to support him as best as I know how. How I get through it is by ignoring the situation. That is all I can do. When he wants to talk about him not sleeping or how he blames everything around him on the "devil", I just nod even though I have heard it a zillion times and try and pretent to be supportive and just listen and not comment because I don't want to upset him. I just wish we had a better life and we could make ends meet. All I know is things DO need to change. This Friday will be interesting.

Again, thank each of you for taking the time in responding to my thread. I may not get back often but I do think of everything people takes the time to write/post and I do take it to heart. Thank you all so much again.

 

[bored]

The thing that people fail to realize is that adultry is no more worse than flipping the guy off on the highway, yet when road rage happens you confess it and maybe even get a laugh with another church member and go about your day, yet with adultry issues its magnified into way more than what it really is which is still sin.

You made a mistake in selecting a mate and have to make changes. Thats really what sin is is a mistake (unless your intentionally sinning which is another issue). You could say that the initiation of the divorce is intentional sinning but the ball started rolling with the selection of the wrong mate where the mistake was made which was unintentional.

Some christians like to belabor the divorce point but write off other sins as if they are not even a sin, they all need to be treated equal as Jesus would have delt with them. Jesus spared the woman who was flagrantly commiting adultry (not just divorce and remarraige) but straight up cheating. The woman who was divorced and remarried at the well he did not even mention sin. The speach in mathew was when he was dealing with pharasies, if you want to tout the law and rub it in peoples faces then thats how Jesus will deal with you. If your another Joe christian going about your day doing the best you can will Jesus hold it against you, not from his actions on this earth and how he delt with regular people in bad situations.

The pharisies however .... whole different ball game. Also in mathew he says thats how things were in the beginning but allowances were made in duet for divorce so to go back to your ex is an abomination.

 

[faithinmyself]

The thing that people fail to realize is that adultry is no more worse than flipping the guy off on the highway, yet when road rage happens you confess it and maybe even get a laugh with another church member and go about your day, yet with adultry issues its magnified into way more than what it really is which is still sin.

You made a mistake in selecting a mate and have to make changes. Thats really what sin is is a mistake (unless your intentionally sinning which is another issue). You could say that the initiation of the divorce is intentional sinning but the ball started rolling with the selection of the wrong mate where the mistake was made which was unintentional.

Some christians like to belabor the divorce point but write off other sins as if they are not even a sin, they all need to be treated equal as Jesus would have delt with them. Jesus spared the woman who was flagrantly commiting adultry (not just divorce and remarraige) but straight up cheating. The woman who was divorced and remarried at the well he did not even mention sin. The speach in mathew was when he was dealing with pharasies, if you want to tout the law and rub it in peoples faces then thats how Jesus will deal with you. If your another Joe christian going about your day doing the best you can will Jesus hold it against you, not from his actions on this earth and how he delt with regular people in bad situations.

The pharisies however .... whole different ball game. Also in mathew he says thats how things were in the beginning but allowances were made in duet for divorce so to go back to your ex is an abomination.

Hmmmm, interesting. Made absolutely no sense to me in relation to what I am going through, lol...but thanks for the response.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Oh boy, it sure has been a LONG time since I came to this forum. I keep meaning too but just never happens it seems, lol.

Thank you all very much for all your responses. I read everyone of them and even though I didn't agree with a few comments I did read it and appreciate the time you took in responding!

Oh and the one reply where she said this was another persons thread (she was discussing her own situation) I don't mind sharing, hehe!

Well things are pretty much the same for me. We just moved into a tiny apartment to help save money and because the rental suite we were renting got sold so we had no choice, LOL.. But everything is about the same. I am trying. We have another counselling session on Friday and I plan on laying everything out there pretty deep but of course nicely. I do respect my husband and his feelings and his needs very much so. My husband wants no more counselling sessions after this one so we will see what happens.

Yes apart of me wants a better life, a new beginning, tired of living the way we are living, not able to pay bills or have a life but at the same time I am not willing to hurt him, leave him and divorce him. I just "feel" like ending things but know in my heart of hearts I can't do it. I am probably not making much I sense I know.

My husband is good with words, good at manipulating my feelings but I suppose this is what I "signed up for". Not sure. But what I can say is my husbands physical medical condition is real. I tend to roll my eyes when I hear him "gagging" from nausea. Only because it is frustrating. The doctors have basically just given up on him and said nothing more they can do. Nice.

I try not to get down on him because I know his sickness is not his fault. But I also feel he uses it as an excuse not to go do things. When I see him working on his vehicile, doing things around the house...it is hard to understand why he can't work...even a few hours a week. He is just not open to it one single bit. We were suppose to go swimming tonight and he told me no because he was "sick" but if I said to him.."Want to go to church tonight", he would jump at the thought and go. Sometimes I encourage him to go to church just go to get rid of him for the night. Am I a bad wife for doing that?

Oh ya, about the pain medication. Just after that incident I took it all away. Gathered up all medication in this house and put it in a bag and hid it. He never once went looking for it. He thought my sister had it at her house so I just let him think that, lol (I am bad I know) so maybe that is why he didn't go looking for it. I bought a pill container for him for all his regular stuff he was taking. He has not been on any depression drugs for a month now. His specialist weened him off and he is no different now than 4 years ago when he started taking them. He also doesn't take any other pain meds since all this happened. Just tylenol for the headaches but that isn't all the time so I am happy when the doctor told me everything he was taking wasn't a type of medicine that he can become "Addicted" too other than the ativan but that was a 1x thing and no more because I threw it all out. But he does not sleep well. He has been like that for years! I do think he needs to talk to his doctor about taking some sleep medication of somesort. I think this is part of his issues. Last night he was awake everytime I rolled over..he was driving me crazy, lol. Maybe if he was able to sleep proper (like a normal person) eat properly (he has poor eating habits due to his nausea) maybe he would feel more normal, maybe he wouldn't be so depressed, maybe he would feel like he could be a proper husband to me, maybe our relationship would strengthen..maybe, maybe, maybe, lol.

Not sure if I am entering dangerous territory by suggesting sleep medicine but the guy just doesn't sleep. I would honestly say that he might sleep 1 or 2 good nights every few MONTHS! Most nights he gets maybe 3 hours of sleep and not consistantly. Not sure how he functions. I have given up watching tv at night with him because he will fall asleep, lol. But that is due to exhausion from not sleeping.

I don't know. Still pretty frustrated with everything. Not sure what to do/think about everything. Very unhappy, very frustrated (oh ya, I already said that, lol) and I try and not resent him but I do. I try not to put pressure on him by telling him how I feel or put pressure on him by getting upset with him and mostly just try and be quiet and try to support him as best as I know how. How I get through it is by ignoring the situation. That is all I can do. When he wants to talk about him not sleeping or how he blames everything around him on the "devil", I just nod even though I have heard it a zillion times and try and pretent to be supportive and just listen and not comment because I don't want to upset him. I just wish we had a better life and we could make ends meet. All I know is things DO need to change. This Friday will be interesting.

Again, thank each of you for taking the time in responding to my thread. I may not get back often but I do think of everything people takes the time to write/post and I do take it to heart. Thank you all so much again.

Thanks for an update. I think you are right that the sleep issues could be a big part of the problem. There is SO much that sleep does for us. I actually think it might behoove him to have a sleep study done.

 

[bored]

Hmmmm, interesting. Made absolutely no sense to me in relation to what I am going through, lol...but thanks for the response.

It was a response to some of the harsh posts you got, I get tired of the legalism and self righousness, he who is without sin cast the first stone, the person who flipped the guy off on the highway is just as much a sinner as the person who is divorced and remarried, and depending on the circumstances of the divorce and remarriage the person with road rage may be the only one actually sinning. Yet we treat sexual relationship like they are worse than murder.

 

[faithinmyself]

It was a response to some of the harsh posts you got, I get tired of the legalism and self righousness, he who is without sin cast the first stone, the person who flipped the guy off on the highway is just as much a sinner as the person who is divorced and remarried, and depending on the circumstances of the divorce and remarriage the person with road rage may be the only one actually sinning. Yet we treat sexual relationship like they are worse than murder.

Ohhhh ok, hehe. I read it all wrong...But I tend to agree. There was one post I got and I was thinking..why is this person even posting on this forum...from reading their posts they are in a happy marriage and come across with no issues and how does that poster even know what we are feeling when that poster wasn't or hasn't even experienced it. It got me into thinking today...that poster should post what he/she knows and not what he/she thinks he/she knows. crazy.

 

[faithinmyself]

Thanks for an update. I think you are right that the sleep issues could be a big part of the problem. There is SO much that sleep does for us. I actually think it might behoove him to have a sleep study done.

I agree. He did have one done 4 years ago and when we asked again his doctor refused. I have told my husband he should go to a different doctor for a second opinion. So that will be our next step. He got a good night's sleep 2 nights ago for the first time in a long time and he seemed better. The happiest I have seen him in awhile. I am going to push for a sleep study forsure!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I have been married 20 years, we do not have children. I have been so unhappy, so alone and I have tried to fall back in love with him but there is just nothing there anymore. All my husband wants to do is pray, read his bible, work on his vehicle and go to church. He goes to various church things 5 days a week. We have not been intimate in a few years and when we do I would say its twice a year in the past 10 years. He has some medical issues going on and has not been able to work in at least 5 years now. I have had "talks" with him about going back to work. I firmly believe God does not help us if we don't help ourselves.

I do want a divorce but I do know its all wrong. We have been to counselling but nothing changes. We are living as roomates really. Yes we sleep in the same bed but I often sleep out in the couch. We do not have the same goals or interests. I look at him as my friend and not my husband. I really have tried. When I first started feeling like this I have posted on here about 4 years ago. Got some great advise and I did pray about it, I have gone to counselling. I stay in this marriage because it would break me to hurt him. Yes I do love him..as a friend would love a good friend. It kills me to admit to myself that I just don't love him as a wife should love her husband. But I know it goes against christian belief to even think about divorce. I am on disability and had surgery 2 years ago and will need to go through another surgery before I can return to work. I am going to make steps to get my life in order and return to work against my doctor's advise (medically) anyhow. My husband because if his anxiety, depression and sickness (physical sickness) is not able to work even though I have said numerous times before that if he just walked in faith and trusted God and returned to work that God would help him. I strongly feel that he feels he has to be "healed" or have a certain encounter with God or a "feeling" before doing that. He really believes he cannot work and when he does think about it he has panic attacks. I know he is not lazy, it bothers him he cannot provide and it's something he does stress about on the daily basis. I don't think he loves me either. I think he "thinks" he does but I honestly feel he looks at me as his best friend but not really love/wife material.

I want to move on. But then I worry and think..I can't just leave him with nothing. He cannot provide for himself. I cannot leave him alone. I need to make steps to better my life. I have goals and dreams...they just are not the same goals and dreams my husband has.

I am confused, hurt, mad, angry, upset. Thanks for letting me vent. Would love to hear from anyone else in the same situation. And please if your only comment is pray more, go to more counselling...you can save your comments for someone else. I have exhausted all avenues. I just need comments of support and understanding. Thanks

 

[faithinmyself]

My husband is going through one of his "attacks" and asked me to go and email some prayer lines for him so thought I would come on here and ask for prayer for him.

I am at my breaking point though. I am not sure how much more I can take of this. When is enough just enough? We have been battling this for 4 years. We had a conversation today about him, his feelings. I asked him what he is going to do to get better. His answer is always "there is nothing I can do". Out of frustration I said...well if we split up where are you going to go? How are you going to cope. He looked at me and said "You would leave me when I am like this"?

I don't know, I am not sure I can throw away 20 years of marriage. I keep asking myself "What about me"? I feel like I am forgotten. I feel like I cannot even share what I go through on the daily basis. I am going through some disability issues myself, went through one surgery for it and need 2 more to correct the problem. My doctor told me no working or stress for the next 2 years but I have been looking for work and possibly going back to school. I feel my husband holds me back quite a bit. I worry about leaving him when he is like this. I was to go away for the weekend with my sisters and he told me to stay home because he needs me. I feel lost, hurt, confused. If it's not a depression attack (he calls it a satan attack) then its his headaches and if its not his headaches its he did not sleep. I seriously don't know what to say to him. He tells me when we are discussing things that me sharing how I feel makes it worse for him. Most of the time I keep it all on and don't share. I feel so alone. This is not a marriage. I feel bad for him, I pray for him. I hardly get angry with him when I am angry and resentful inside but I am breaking. Maybe I am selfish but I need someone to talk to, I need someone to share my hopes and my dreams and my future with. I need someone to hug me and tell me things will be ok. I need someone just to listen to me and make me feel important. I have put myself on the back burner. It gets me down when he is going under an attack and he paces and shakes his head. He (gets sick) from his nausea on the daily basis)!!! I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sometimes I wish I could just jump off a bridge and be free from this. (Don't worry...I would never do that...I am afraid of heights, hehe)!! But do you get what I mean?

When is enough enough? Do I just stay silent and make it all about him? Spiritually we don't see eye to eye. He thinks a demon is living inside him...he says he can feel the pressures of it. I don't agree. Yes I do believe in Satan but I just don't agree the same way he agrees. I see he won't "try". Am I asking too much?

Thanks for listening if you are still with me!

Happy Thanksgiving

 

[peacechild4]

Hi I am reading along and listening to you.. and I just wrote you a long reply and lost it.. sigh.. Happy Thanksgiving..

In short this time.. that might be a good thing..

GOD has been helping me in my marriage.. which has been separated over 12 months.. to see good in my husband in all things.. past present and future.. it does not mean that those things do not hurt.. did not hurt etc.. it just means I don't focus on that... To bless.. and not curse.. things have changed so much.. his wrong treatment of me has virtually dissapeared.. though things are not as I want them to be yet!!!! We live in separate house and mostly have separate lives..

I need to think well of him.. all sins and wrong.. I place under the blood and see him and myself.. who is not guilt free.. through eyes of grace..

I have had to give all the "other stuff".. yes all the same that you are feeling.. that lonliness.. wanting to share my heart.. need for hugs.. my dreams.. my hopes for the future.. etc.. which is not selfish.. to GOD.. HE definately knows all this.. and I need to focus on the good again.. thinking about my hurts only seems to make me worse and more needy.. GOD has given me peace about these.. they were to the point sometimes so very big and heavy and overwhelming..

Right now I am at my husbands house.. on his bed.. using his lap top.. praise GOD.. I dropped kids here to stay.. he is out picking up one teen son.. and getting tea for our family..

I don't know what will happen but I know and believe it will be good.. and I will pray for you both.. I know your situation is different to mine.. but these things are helping me immensely..

I used to see all my husband faults.. sigh.. I used to be sad about the way he treated me.. and all that I was missing.. now he doesn't treat me like that anymore.. I am not sad like I was.. and we get along better now then we have for many many years..

GOD bless you both.. healing and restoration to you both.. and do to your husband what you want him to do to you.. Ha.. let go sweetie to it all to JESUS.. it is not us that saves.. HE does that.. we just love.. forgive and rest in JESUS till HE does it all for us.. HE loves you both so much and so do I!!

 

[LisaMC-D]

Thank you for posting that, peacechild!

Faith, your journey over life's highways with our Father has been full of "potholes." I am pleased for you that you have endured so much. But please, don't be harder on yourself than He would be. He wants our victory over the battles that plague us. He wants our hearts, though, no matter how that is achieved.

For we all often stumble and fall and offend in many things. James 3:2
Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. James 4:10
...though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials... 1 Peter 1:6
...so that the genuineness of your faith may be tested...1 Peter 1:7

It is soooo difficult often, but He has provided you with us to (listen) read and love.
Lisa

 

[faithinmyself]

Thanks everyone for all your replies. I read them all.

It is such a tough journey to be on. I have learnt so much about myself during this journey. Because of my disability I rely on my husband much more than I should I think. It is scary. I mean, due to my last surgery I can do so much more. I now do all the cooking and the cleaning. My husband takes out the trash and the recycling for us. We do not have children which is a blessing sometimes but also sad at some times as well.

My husband has been so bad lately. He keeps telling me over and over how if I left it would destroy him. I have told him I am not leaving so he doesn't need to worry. I try and share very little of how I am feeling because I do not think he needs to be worrying about me when he needs to get his mental health in order first. He can not function on the daily basis. He drives, I do not have a licence so that is where me relying on him too much comes into affect. I mean I don't go out often but I will ask him to take me to the grocery store to get groceries..ask him to go to the mail or bank or whatever. But I feel helpless without him at the same time.

He asked me today if he can check himself into the hospital because he cannot handle living. He feels bad for leaving me. I could not share with him how that freaks me out like you have no idea. I have never been alone int he 20 years we have been married. How will I get groceries or go out or do anything all on my own? LOL. It is not really LOL...but its either I laugh or cry at this point, lol.

I mean, if he needs to go to the hospital for awhile, I will manage. I will learn. It does scare me to live by myself but I will be ok. God says in his word that he will never leave us. He is our comforter.

At the same time, I wonder if him going into the hospital will make him worse and not better? He has been sick for 4 years now....going on 5. My husband shared with me how he cannot take always letting me down and not wanting to do anything anymore because mentally he cannot focus or feeling so down that he doesn't want to do anything. My family came over the other night and he had a hard time with them being around. It was a struggle for him. I don't know...I don't know what to do or think or how to help him.

I know God knows. Even though we both feel ignored by God, we know he is there. If our marriage can withhold all of this, we can get through anything, lol. But man, somedays are harder than others. Life, lol.

Thanks again for listening

 

[saved_for_life]

I ask you to consider a few thoughts.

In your posts you said something like, "God only helps those who help themselves."

That is not true, God helps those who realize that they are lacking and turn to Him in trust (Faith) for Him to provide.
He is God and He wants to be our Father. Jesus carries the burdens we release to Him and we place on Him.

If I may say and I mean no disrespect, your handle here shows the problem. Faithinmyself.
A Saved Christian has no faith in theirselves, they have Faith in God.

It is a hard road, but the Lord allows trials in our lives to bring us into total dependance upon Him. To a place where we fully realize that we can't help ourselves and then we truly reach out in Faith to Him, then things happen and things change.

If I may say, it is a beautiful place to be broken and thrown down upon the Rock that is Jesus Christ. To be stripped of all our will and power and resting on Him. Then He picks you up and carries you.
Much like the "FootPrints" poem. Why were there only one set of footprints when my life was the hardest and worst, because that is when He carried me.

Sorry if this hurt, but total reliance on Jesus is the only way to live.

 

[faithinmyself]

So what do you do when you just don't love your husband anymore? I have faithfully prayed for God to restore my love for my husband. I don't like to kiss him, hug him and when he does reach out for a kiss or hug it is like a big chore for me to do it. I am glad he is not too much of the cuddly type. I feel so guilty for even thinking this and feeling this. I have not let on I feel this way. Maybe dishonest. I have tried. My husband won't change. Everytime I bring up how we need more income to just survive he backs himself up against the wall like I am attacking him when I am not. I don't think he will ever return to work. I am afraid of what will happen to him if I do leave. I want out so bad but don't have the heart to. I love my husband but not IN love with him. Sometimes I wish he would have an affair so I would have a reason to leave him and he would have someone else to go too. I know this sounds terrible!!!

And just a little note to "Saved_for_life"!!! If you were around when I first joined this website about 5 years ago and saw one of my VERY first posts you would "understand" my username. So instead of judging someone like you did get your facts first! Like they say "Look in the mirror". Yep, that says it all!